


Almost Lovers

by RayHambson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 68,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayHambson/pseuds/RayHambson
Summary: Hey Potterheads !I hope this note finds you both healthy and happy.This is my first fanfiction (so basically I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I'm doing). But that's fine.Keep in mind that English is not my native language.I will appreciate reviews and constructive comments.The Wizarding World and its characters are properties of J.K Rowling (aka our Queen)To better fit my storyline, please note that I'm not always following the original timeline.---Extract : “And 50 points from Gryffindor for treating your teacher a sarcastic git!”
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 39
Kudos: 143





	1. Advocate of the bat

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Potterheads !  
> I hope this note finds you both healthy and happy.  
> This is my first fanfiction (so basically I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I'm doing). But that's fine.  
> Keep in mind that English is not my native language.  
> I will appreciate reviews and constructive comments. 
> 
> The Wizarding World and its characters are properties of J.K Rowling (aka our Queen)  
> To better fit my storyline, please note that I'm not always following the original timeline.  
> \---  
> Extract : “And 50 points from Gryffindor for treating your teacher a sarcastic git!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Laura, the precious beta-reader who helped me correct this chapter. Thank you Laura ! I'm grateful.

**Chapter 1 – Advocate of the bat**

She couldn’t believe it. “How could they fire Professor Snape ?!” Hermione exclaimed, in her pyjamas, towel in hand, pacing in front of the closed doors of the Great Hall like a lion in cage. Inside, she knew that all of the teachers were gathered. Probably discussing Professor Snape’s departure. The news had hit her with full force, 15 minutes ago.

_-Flashback -_

She was about to take a shower in Gryffindor’s common bathroom when she over-heard Jolene, Carolynn and Johanna, three students from 5th year, discussing Professor Snape. Curious about what he might have done “again !” thought Hermione, she leaned against the door of the bathroom hoping to catch some gossip that she probably wouldn't even like because it would most likely be offensive about her favorite teacher.

“I’m telling you he’s getting fired !” said one of the girls. Hermione’s eyes widened in shock.

“I saw him carrying his boxes, potions books and suitcase” confirmed another witch.

“No way ?” exclaimed the third student “That might explain why McGonagall was shouting at him last night” she explained.

“Yep. I’m glad though !” said Johanna. “He was such a git”, she commented. Hermione felt like someone had just punched her in the heart. 

“The bat of the dungeons is finally leaving !” cheered Carolynn. “Great! Maybe the students’ feedbacks were finally taken into consideration this year. Good riddance!”

Hermione couldn’t hear more and yelled “No!” opening the bathroom door before shouting “You’re lying ! He can’t get fired. You have to be wrong!” The 3 girls looked at her with pity, before laughing out loud. Hermione slammed the door and ran to Harry and Ron’s dormitory. Without knocking, she entered the room. The boys were still fast asleep, but Hermione didn’t feel guilty at all for waking Harry up, shaking him by the shoulders.

Startled, he woke up immediately and quickly grabbed his wand before pointing it at “Hermione ?! Wha-”

She cut him off “I need the Marauder’s map!” When he only blinked at her in response, she raised her voice “NOW!”.

Harry tried to clear his mind and understand why she would need it “Why?”

Hermione however didn’t have time for that “I’ll explain later. Just give me the damn map already !”

Harry hesitated but when he met Hermione’s murderous glare, he quickly got out of bed to retrieve the map and hand it to her. She said the incantation and opened it in a hurry.

“Who are you looking for?” Harry asked shyly.

“Professor Snape” she stated, scrutinizing the map for any evidence of the Potion Master.

“Wait !” Harry hissed “You woke me up to bloody find Snape?! Why ? Did you forget to hand him back an essay or something?”

“It’s Professor Snape” she corrected “and no, I need to find him before he leaves the castle.” On cue, she saw his name form on the map. Releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding, she said “He’s still there. In the Great Hall”. His footprints were static though. Hermione was trying to find an explanation for that, when suddenly the names of all the other professors appeared in front of Snape’s.

“Look ! That is strange” Harry said, pointing at the map “There must be a staff meeting or something”.

A knot formed in Hermione’s heart when she made note of the arrangement of the room. Snape’s name was isolated, facing all the other names. She could easily imagine all the teachers sitting at the head table, judging the Potion Master who was standing alone, probably accepting his peers' verdict without protest.

Hermione didn’t want him to go. Of course, she knew that he was hated by many students. Mostly because they were afraid of him. And frankly, they had good reasons to fear him. He was an authoritarian, strict teacher, who always came up with mean and hurting comments when students were trying to excuse their foolish act or mistake. But Hermione thought that he didn’t deserve facing a panel of colleagues alone, with no one by his side to defend him. That was something she found intolerable. Pissed, she made her way towards the Great Hall, ignoring both Harry and Ron’s questioning gaze.

- _End of the flashback / Present –_

Deciding that she could no longer wait pacing in circles without doing anything to help him, she gathered her courage and opened the giant doors of the Great Hall screaming “NO ! You can’t do that!”

All eyes went to her and her pink pyjamas. And at her distressed voice, both Minerva and Dumbledore rose from their chairs in concern. As she had imagined it, the scene before her looked like a bloody trial; the judges sitting at the grand table dealing with Professor Snape’s case.

“Miss Granger, what is it ?” Dumbledore asked, looking at the young intruder.

Hermione stepped forward until she was at Snape’s level. She quickly glanced at him to find confusion in his eyes, before speaking again. “Professor Snape is the best professor I’ve ever had and he’s probably the best professor Hogwarts ever had ! I mean you must see that!” She was looking straight at the shocked faces of the teachers, sitting in front of her.

Before they had a chance to talk, she kept going. “He’s a good man. He teaches us severely but fairly, you can’t just get rid of him like that !” Snape gave her a quizzical look that she ignored completely “You can’t fire him after nearly 15 years of loyal service and exemplary teaching !” She was clearly agitated, and her voice went a few ranges higher.

For some reasons – mainly because they were all rooted in place and baffled by their student’s outburst - no one managed to intervene or cut her off.

So, she kept talking. “He’s never late, always gives back essays on time even though he has 28 classes to teach a week, which is three times more than what _you_ all have to do.

He works his ass off and still finds the time to brew potions for the infirmary, organize Potions Expeditions and teach Harry Occlumency. Honestly, until seeing him actually do it, I didn’t think it was humanly possible to work _that_ much !”

To say that Severus was taken aback by her words was an understatement. But what fascinated him the most was how she managed this whole tirade without taking a breath. Not even once. The other teachers remained speechless.

“And believe me I know that he can be a real sarcastic git when it comes to take points from houses that are not Slytherin.” Snape raised an eyebrow but was mainly amused by the witch’s audacity to barge uninvited in a staff meeting and insult a teacher. “I know that”. She repeated. “I know that they have been some complaints from students and parents. I know ! Some students are afraid of him and many hate him, but they are bloody idiots !”. Severus couldn’t agree more and smirked at that, while the panel remained quiet and focused on the girl’s speech. “Only dunderheads could not realize how catastrophic it would be not to have him around us !”

Severus was at loss. He didn’t understand why the girl thought he was getting fired (he was not) nor why she would plead his case if that was actually the case.

“For Merlin’s sake, he saved me, Harry and Ron more times than I can count. If there’s one person who can teach us how to fight and help us in this goddamn war, it’s him ! I mean, the man is smarter than all of you combined !” she said matter-of-factly. 

_“That was bold”_ thought Severus, a smug expression playing on his face as he watched his colleagues, mouths hanging open and shocked by the student’s last statement.

“Don’t get me wrong - ” she tried to dissipate the tension “you all are very intelligent and competent - ” she paused to smile at them weirdly before continuing “but he has the most twisted, brilliant, fascinating and extraordinary mind I’ve ever seen”.

Severus was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He was not used to compliments and, truth be told, he hated them because they usually came from Dumbledore or the Dark Lord, and always smelled hypocrisy.

Shifting her gaze to Dumbledore she said “Headmaster, you should reconsider your decision. Please.”

_“The girl was now pleading?! What the hell?!”_ thought Severus. “Please” she repeated. “He is the worthiest man I’ve ever met.” _Severus gulped. “Clearly the girl is completely delusional if she thinks that” he thought. “_ Giving up on him, would be a terrible mistake. You know it ! Chaos would fill the classrooms; students would fail their OWLS and NEWTS without the exigence and discipline provided by Professor Snape. And how will you explain this to the Ministry anyway?” She then took a step closer towards the sparkling blue eyes of the Headmaster, before saying with a hint of insolence “And with all due respect Sir, if you think you can find someone half as good to replace him… well good fucking luck with that ! Because that man is one of a kind!”.

She paused to breathe a second and kept listing arguments in his favor “He seems to give so much of himself to you, this school, and his students, without asking much in return. He is not a pawn you can toy with , Sir! He is a decent human being who not only deserves to stay here and keep honoring his functions but who also deserves a pay rise if you want my advice!”

Severus smirked and gave a satisfied look at his colleagues, still in shock. He could see Minerva, blinking incredulously at her favorite and best student, probably asking herself when did the girl become that bold and confident? Lupin, for his part, seemed offended by her praise of the Potions teacher.

“Listen” she said, although she didn’t have to ask them to do so, because that’s all they’d been doing for the past 5 minutes since she interrupted their meeting “If Professor Snape has to leave, so will I! I will follow him wherever he goes” she threatened, her voice slightly cracking as tears started to well up in her eyes.

Snape went pale and very still upon hearing the crack in the girl’s voice. “Ew!” was all he managed to say. He was both genuinely touched and outraged at her words.

Finally, after letting the girl speak for more than 5 minutes straight, Dumbledore spoke. “That won’t be necessary Miss Granger” he stated. “I can assure you that I have absolutely no intention of firing Severus”.

“Excuse me, what did you just say?” she asked, confused

“You heard me. Severus is not going anywhere” the Headmaster guaranteed her. “As you eloquently proved it, I would be a fool to let him go.”

“But – the - ” she mumbled gesturing at the suitcase located at Snape’s side “ – the suitcase, his books- ” She was starting to hyperventilate “These are his personal belongings. They used to be on his desk – where ? what – why ?” she couldn’t formulate her question but somehow Dumbledore understood and answered.

“On his request, our dear Potions Master is simply moving from his usual classroom to the dungeons, so he can be next to his quarters and the Occlumency training room, Miss Granger”.

Hermione got still for a second before wavering a bit. For a moment she thought she was going to faint, so she leaned on Snape’s robes for support. The man felt her distressed state and steadied her with a firm hold on her right elbow. 

“Are you alright Miss Granger?” Minerva asked.

She nodded shyly, before turning to face Snape. “So…hmm… you’re not leaving, right?” she asked him as safe measure. Somehow, she needed to hear it from him.

He rolled his eyes before ensuring her “No. I’m not”.

“You’re staying. For real?” she thought that a double check couldn’t hurt. She was wrong.

“Yes! For real Miss Granger” he snapped “now if you could please let us have the discussion we were having before you barged in, we would surely appreciate!”

Hermione ducked her head and looked at the floor, in shame “Oh God… Oh God… I…I’m sorry. I apologize for … everything”. She then turned her back to the teachers, tears threatening to fall and she headed towards the Great Hall’s doors to leave.

Before she could reach the exit though, Snape’s voice caught her attention “And 50 points from Gryffindor for calling your teacher a sarcastic git!”

Flinching at his words, she muttered “Yes, sir”.

“Oh no you’re not !” exclaimed Minerva shooting daggers at her young colleague. “Don’t worry Miss Granger. He’s not taking any points from you or your house”. The insult was totally justified and well deserved." Hermione nodded and left, closing the huge doors behind her.

After a long moment of silence, Remus asked bewildered “What the hell just happened ?”. No one seemed to have recovered from the young witch’s outburst. When no one answered, he asked again “No seriously, what did just happen?”

Severus rolled his eyes at the wolf and Dumbledore cleared his throat before saying “Well Severus, it seems you’ve got yourself an admirer”.

“So it’s seems” he snorted.

Minerva put a hand over her mouth in disbelief before saying “Merlin ! I ’ve never seen her that passionate about anyone or anything. Not even books.” Severus scoffed.

Remus offered the best explanation he could come up with “She must be under the influence…”

Severus sneered “Influence of what exactly, Lupin?!”

“I don’t know’ he said, “Did anyone brew _Amortentia_ or something this week?”

“Not that I’m aware of no!” Snape snapped.

“Well she’s definitely on something otherwise - ” Remus trailed off. Snape took a dangerous step towards the DADA Professor.

“Oh sod off you two !” Minerva said in a warning tone “She’s not under the influence of a love potion or whatever. That …” she trailed, pointing at the place Hermione occupied 5 minutes ago “-That was genuine care. She was mortified and genuinely scared that you might leave. She really has it hard for you Severus.”

Severus rolled his eyes again and Lupin jumped on his feet “For him?!” he asked incredulously, pointing at that one colleague he disliked above all.

Dumbledore silenced him and carried on with the prior meeting. For the remaining of the meeting, Severus could not focus and barely heard what was being said. His mind drifted back to the girl who had taken his defense without being asked to, who had put efforts into explaining how much he was needed. He felt a hint of pride and warmth enter his heart as he remembered the way she had described and defined him. She cared. And that fact alone was a sign that the witch must be going nuts. Lupin was right. No one in their right mind would care for a sarcastic git like him. Yet, the girl seemed to care a damn great deal about him. And that freaked him out more than anything.

_-The following day-_

Hermione wasn’t ready to face her teacher after yesterday’s catastrophe. She hadn’t come to the Great Hall for supper because she was too ashamed to be seen. She didn’t had breakfast either for the same exact reason. But now, she couldn’t escape anymore. She had a Potion lesson starting in less than 10 minutes. She gathered her Gryffindor courage and entered the classroom, making sure to avoid his gaze by looking at the ground.

Severus, even though he didn’t let it show, was freaked out when the girl entered his classroom. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her since she gave that sweet little fucked-up speech. He didn’t know what to do. He had no intention to thank her for something unwanted and completely unnecessary.

But he couldn’t just ignore her, could he?

He decided that he could, at least for the remainder of the class and managed to ignore her as he snapped at his students “Silence ! As you can see, I’m here and I'm not planning on going anywhere. To your great disappointment and my great pleasure, your certification and - by extension - your future remains partially in my hands. So, I advise you not to waste any more of my time and start working on your potions ! ”

His tone was no different from usual, which Hermione thought was a good sign. He hadn’t made any sarcastic comments yet, but somehow, she knew it was coming. On cue, his voice resonated in her head as he snapped at her “Miss Granger ! Would you mind paying attention to your cauldron and stop fantasizing !” Hermione nodded without looking at him and focused on chopping the ingredients required for the brewing.  
  


At the end of the class, Snape’s eyes wandered to Hermione, who was packing her backpack in a hurry. He could feel that she was ashamed. She had been distracted during the entire hour. He felt a bit guilty for snapping at her earlier. He dismissed his students, cast an _evanesco_ at the mess they had made, and as the Gryffindor witch made her way to the exit he said in a harsh tone “Granger, a word please”. Hermione stopped in her tracks and turned slowly to face the older wizard.

“Listen- ”He didn’t know exactly what to say. He just didn’t want her to be distracted in class but didn’t know how to approach the subject.

Luckily for him, Hermione filled the gap by saying. “I’m sorry Sir. I’m so sorry” she apologized this time she looked him in the eyes “I – I just... I thought you were leaving, and I was panicked because I didn’t want you to go. I meant every single word I said. You’re my favorite teacher and I know that you are pissed and angry at me right now and can’t even stand me at all. But it just felt right to stand with you in that hall. Don’t worry I know I made a fool of myself, bursting into the middle of your meeting with my pjs on” she shook her head in shame “Merlin, you must think I’m some kind of desperate stupid foolish teenager who has a crush on her teacher”. Snape rose a questioning eyebrow and wanted to answer affirmatively, but she didn’t give him a chance to do so “And… I mean, you’d be right because that’s what I am” Snape’s eyes went wide, and Hermione realized that she just admitted having a crush on her teacher. Horrified, she said “if you could please obliviate both of us, I’d be very grateful Professor”. She ducked her head, afraid to meet his gaze.  
  


“Are you done?” Snape asked. When he saw her nod, he exhaled “Alright. I- ” he hesitated on his following words “I don’t like you Miss Granger”. Hermione nodded and he could see her lips tremble slightly “but I don’t hate you either. And I’m not pissed or angry at you. Far from it”. Hermione’s hopeful eyes met his and for a couple of seconds, Severus examined her face with a curious look. She was no longer the child with bushy hair and bunny teeth who used to wave her hand incessantly during her first year. Now, she was a young beautiful grown-up woman, with nice legs, appreciable curves, full breasts, reddish lips, and intense gaze. When that thought crossed Severus’ mind, he took a step back from her. In his usual low tone, he warned her “but if you keep being distracted during my lessons or any other classes for that matter, I won’t tolerate it and you’ll be punished accordingly. Is that understood?”

“Yes, fully understood” she said starring at him “but what if- ” she paused.

“Yes, Miss Granger?” he asked impatiently.

“No, never mind” she shook her head, dropping the subject.

“Oh, come on, spit it out already girl! ” he ordered “What if what ?” he repeated.

“What if I can’t stop being distracted by… _you_ ?” she asked shyly.

His expression was ridiculously comic with his wide eyes and mouth hung open. He quickly recovered though. “I assure you Miss Granger that this –" he quote marked the following word “crush” you have, will pass after a good night's sleep and when you will come back to your senses!”.

She chuckled “I hardly think that will work Sir. I can’t just stop caring about you” he looked at her as if she had grown a second nose “but I’ll do my best” she said smiling sadly. When no words came from the speechless Professor, she turned back towards the exit and left.

Snape remained motionless for at least two minutes before crawling into his desk chair. Trying to process what she had just told him, his mind drifted back to her full lips and hopeful eyes _“Fucking flying hell!!!”_ he muttered. _“What am I going to do with her?!”,_ he snorted _“Absolutely nothing. Bloody pervert. I should be ashamed of myself_ ”


	2. What a poor shot cupid really is !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It seems like two could play the game” she admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, thank you for your "kudos" and comments. They are deeply appreciated !  
> Time for Chapter 2.  
> \---  
> Thank you Janine for your precious suggestions. I've learned so much reading your comments. You did a wonderful job correcting this chapter.  
> Thank you Laura for your time and involvement!

**Chapter 2 – What a poor shot cupid really is !**

For two months now, Hermione had made great efforts avoiding contact with her Potions Master and only talked to him in class, when it was absolutely necessary. She was determined to show him that she was capable of focusing on her classes as he had asked her to do. That was until today: 14th February.

_“Fucking Valentine’s day”_ she muttered, making her way to the Great Hall for breakfast. She did her best to ignore the heart-shaped decorations hanging on the walls of Hogwarts, and the shameless couples snogging in every corner. She hated this particular day that reminded her how lonely she was. It wasn’t that she didn’t have suitors; she had many. She was both smart and beautiful and had her share of admirers and love declarations. But she was not interested in them - her heart was set on one particular person. And that person was currently missing from the head table, she noticed, as she entered the hall. “ _Good - less temptation to steal glances at him,_ ” she thought to herself, before sitting next to her friends.

When the golden trio was done eating, they decided to go visit Hagrid. As they made their way towards the exit, Hermione overheard her Arithmancy teacher asking Madam Pomfrey where Severus was. Stopping dead in her tracks, the Gryffindor contemplated whether to satisfy her curiosity or let it go. Her hesitancy only lasted one second though, as she casually told Harry and Ron to keep going without her, before trying to catch Pomfrey’s answer.

“Oh well, he must be brewing some extra contraceptive potions, as usual”, the nurse replied. “You can’t imagine how many are needed on Valentine’s Day!” Madam Pomfrey shook her head. “Teenagers these days… they’re like rabbits”. Professor Vector nodded in agreement and then the two women said their mutual goodbyes.

Hermione couldn’t help but picture him, brewing meticulously, probably wearing his usual teaching robes with a serious expression on his face. She smiled at the thought and went to the library in an attempt to clear her mind. That didn’t work as planned. After reading ten times the same exact paragraph of the book she was holding, she gave up, fully aware there was no point in continuing if she couldn’t focus. Her mind was busy thinking about him.

Deciding that she had to do something about it, she grabbed a piece of parchment and her quill, and started writing.

_~~Dear Professor Snape.~~_ “Nope. Too pompous”, she thought before magically erasing the words. _~~Severus~~_ “Absolutely not” she shook her head, realizing how inappropriate it would be to use his first name. She finally opted for :

_Professor,_

_Before you start panicking and burn this letter to ashes, please note that I could have used pink paper and heart-shaped disgusting glitters, but I didn’t. Consider yourself lucky that I have decent taste and some notion of finesse._

_That being said, I’m pretty sure that you hate Valentine’s day and that you’re currently rolling your eyes at the obviousness of my statement. I hate it too. Seriously, this whole joke is nothing but a commercial parade for chocolate factories, flower shops, jewelry, and lingerie brands. The only purpose of this day is to collect money from both brainless-sappy-hormonal people who are filled with insecurities and need reassurance, and brainless-horny-obsessed men who want nothing more than an occasion to get laid. (I can hear you snort)._

_Yet, here I am. Writing to you on this “special” day. (Keep reading if you want an answer to your current suspicious raised eyebrow). As you might have noticed, I somehow managed to focus on my work during your classes. And I will keep doing it. Not only for my own sake. Bur for yours as well. I don’t want you to have any problem because of me. (Stop rolling your eyes – I know you are – and, no, this is not my Gryffindor bleeding heart talking!) As I was saying, the last thing you need is another distracted student. I couldn’t bear to be a burden for you, or the reason for one of your already numerous headaches. I care too much about you to do that._

_However, it doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me to ignore these feelings I have for you. Believe me, it is damn hard ! (Stop cursing and hear me out) I didn’t choose that. I didn’t choose to fall for you. But I did. Despite the fact that it is against the rules and despite the fact that I don’t stand a chance, I still fell for you. If I could have chosen “ease” instead of these complex feelings I have for you, I’d probably be in Professor Lockhart’s bed by now. Although that thought alone makes me want to vomit. Seriously, I don’t understand what they all see in him that could be remotely categorized as “fascinating”… except maybe the size of his ego and his aberrant ignorance. That fascinates me. How the hell did he get hired at Hogwarts? I swear the man has zero common sense. He must have obtained his teaching certificate in a Kinder Surprise. (Before you go and repeat this to him – I know you will because you can’t stand him any more than I do – make sure to not mention my name, please. Not that he would believe me capable of saying this anyway…)_   
_Anyway, point is: these feelings have nothing to do with some typical student/teacher fantasy. I am undeniably attracted to you, yes. But I’m not expecting anything from you. I know better than that. I guess I just wrote you to let you know that you are very (VERY!) appreciated, and that someone is thinking of you today (and not only today but also the rest of the days. And nights as well, for that matter. But you got that, right?)_

_Alright, I think you’ve got enough reading for one day. So, I’ll leave you to your sarcastic comments, rolling eyes and sneering._   
_;)_   
_Please, don’t hate me_   
_Yours sincerely,_   
_You-know-who (but not Voldemort)_

Conjuring an envelope, she folded the letter up and slid it in, started thinking of a way to give it to him, without being seen. There were no windows in the dungeons, so sending an owl was not an option. She could take Harry’s invisibly cape and slip the letter under his classroom door, but chances were that he’d be brewing in his private quarters. Some weeks ago, she had learned from the Marauder’s Map that there was a room with thick walls, attached to Professor Snape’s quarters. She was sure it was some kind of private lab, allowing him to brew there.

There was no way in hell she would ask an elf to do it either. The issue of their welfare conditions cause was an extremely sensitive issue for her, and she was determined to continue her activism, fighting for their rights. Eliminating all these possibilities, she decided that it would be best to ask Argus Filch to do it. She knew he would do it gladly without asking questions, in exchange for a box of chocolates.

\---

As planned, Argus Filch had accepted the mission and was now in front of the Potions Master’s private quarters.

Before he had a chance to knock, Severus yanked open the door. “What is it?!”, he snapped starring at the caretaker’s chocolate-covered lips.

“How did you know I was coming ?” Filch asked suspiciously.

Severus pointed at Mrs. Norris, quirking his lips in disgust. “The smell of your cat gave it away”, he answered honestly. “Why are you here?”

“A letter for you” Filch replied nonchalantly.

Looking at the letter in Filch’s hand, he asked “From whom?”.

“Erm…” the man was trying to remember who gave it to him.

“What? You don’t know?!” Severus snapped, in disbelief. “Are you senile or did those chocolates cause memory loss?” he snarled.

“No, I just don’t remember the name of that student”, Filch admitted.

“A student ?!” he exclaimed “Since when do we accept letters coming from students?” he asked, frustrated. “It’d better not be some kind of fake foolish Valentine’s Day card! Because I don’t have time for this”, he warned dangerously.

“Well she told me it was imperative that I give it to you today so-”, the ugly man explained.

“ _She_?” Snape cut him off.

“Yes, you know…that poor girl… the one always getting in trouble because of those two idiots who believe they can save the world,” Filch turned away with the letter still in hand.

At first, Severus didn’t notice him move. He was trying to find an explanation for why Hermione would write him a letter. The cat’s terrifying yowl snapped him back to reality. “What are you doing?” he yelled.

Filch turned back to look at him, “You just said you didn’t have time for- ”.

“Give me the damned letter,” he ordered, “I have just enough time to identify the author’s handwriting and punish her accordingly”. Severus took the letter from Filch’s hands, before dismissing him and then closed the door of his quarters.

He sat on his couch for a minute, eying the envelope suspiciously. He easily determined that there was no trace of malicious magic. So, if it was some kind of joke it was not coming from the Weasley twins, which Severus thought was a relief. It still concerned him though. Why would Hermione send Filch to give him the letter instead of doing it in person? That made no sense to him. _“Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this?”._ Worried that she or Potter might be in trouble, he decided to open it and see what this was all about. He started reading.

_Professor,_

_Before you start panicking and burn this letter to ashes_ ** _“Can’t deny it hasn’t crossed my mind”,_** **Snape mumbled**. … _please note that I could have used pink paper and heart-shaped disgusting glitters, but I didn’t. Consider yourself lucky that I have decent taste and some notion of finesse._ ** _“That remains to be seen g[u]rl”_** _,_ **he muttered**.

_That being said, I’m pretty sure that you hate Valentine’s day_ ** _“Obviously”_** **he commented, rolling his eyes** _…and that you’re currently rolling your eyes at the obviousness of my statement._ ** _“Well shit, the little chit knows me well”_** **he had to admit** _. …I hate it too. Seriously, this whole joke is nothing but a commercial parade for chocolate factories, flower shops, jewelry, and lingerie brands._ ** _“Why did my fucked-up mind just picture her wearing lingerie”,_** **he shook his head in shame.** ** _…_** _The only purpose of this day is to collect money from both brainless-sappy-hormonal people who are filled with insecurities and need reassurance, and brainless-horny-obsessed men who want nothing more than an occasion to get laid._ ** _“I’ll have to agree with you on this, Miss Granger”_** _,_ **he snorted in amusement** _. …(I can hear you snort)._ ** _“Insufferable know-it-all”,_** **he grumbled.**

_Yet, here I am. Writing you on this “special” day._ **He raised an eyebrow at this statement. He still had no clue of why she was writing to him** ** _._** _… (Keep reading if you want an answer to your current suspicious raised eyebrow)._ ** _“Damn g[u]rl !”_** **he hissed** , **annoyed with the fact that she could guess correctly what he was doing and when he was doing it.** … _As you might have noticed, I somehow managed to focus on my work during your classes._ **“** ** _Barely_** **”, he thought** _. …And I will keep doing it._ ** _“Thank god!”_** **he muttered** _. Not only for my own sake. Bur for yours as well. I don’t want you to have any problem because of me._ ** _“There we go again!”_** **he thought, rolling his eyes at her constant need to feel empathetic towards others.** _…(Stop rolling your eyes – I know you are – and, no, this is not my Gryffindor bleeding heart talking!)_ ** _“Oh, for fuck’s sake !”_** **he sighed in frustration. He was a spy goddamn it, and still he was predictable enough for her to know exactly what he would do. This made him want to hex the girl.** _… As I was saying, the last thing you need is another distracted student. I wouldn’t bear to be a burden for you, nor the reason of one of your already numerous headaches. I care too much about you to do that._ ** _“Bless her. How the hell does she know I have chronic migraines, though ?”_** **he wondered** ** _._**

_However, it doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me to ignore these feelings I have for you. Believe me, it is damn hard !_ ** _“For Merlin’s sake, not this again!”,_** **he snarled. …** _(Stop cursing and hear me out)._ **Once again, she was correct. Severus didn’t even bother comment. He was beyond irritated by her accuracy.** _I didn’t choose that. I didn’t choose to fall for you. But I did. Despite the fact that it is against the rules and despite the fact that I don’t stand a chance, I still fell for you. If I could have chosen “ease” instead of these complex feelings I have for you, I’d probably be in Professor Lockhart’s bed right now._ **Snape made a disgusted face. Those last words had almost triggered his gag reflex**. … _Although that thought alone makes me want to puke. Seriously, I don’t understand what they all see in him that could be remotely categorized as “fascinating”… except maybe the size of his ego and his aberrant ignorance._ **He smirked** _…That fascinates me. How the hell did he get hired at Hogwarts? I swear the man has zero common sense. He must have obtained his teaching certificate in a Kinder Surprise._ **That made him laugh** _._ **He hated the arrogant tosser that Lockhart was, and would definitely let the DADA teacher know what she had written** _. …(Before you go repeat this to him – I know you will because you can’t stand him any more than I do – make sure to not mention my name, please. Not that he would believe me capable of saying this anyway…)_ **He admitted to himself that she had a point. No one would ever think ‘the brightest witch of her age’ capable of disrespecting a teacher.**

_Anyway, point is: these feelings have nothing to do with some typical student/teacher fantasy. I am undeniably attracted to you, yes. But I’m not expecting anything from you. **“I’m glad to hear it!”** , _ **he mumbled** _. I know better than that. I guess I just wrote you to let you know that you are very (VERY!) appreciated, and that someone is thinking of you today (and not only today but also every other day. And nights as well, for that matter. But you got that, right?) **“Okay that’s enough !”,**_ **he decided. It was hard enough to understand how the girl could daydream about him. He certainly didn’t need to know that she was also thinking of him at night, on top of that.**

_Alright, I think you’ve got enough reading for one day. **“Damn right!”**_ **he hissed** _, **“Believe me Miss Granger, with the 15 page essays you hand me back on a regular basis, it’s safe to say that I’ve got enough reading for a lifetime!”** … So, I’ll leave you to your sarcastic comments, rolling eyes and sneering. ;) **“A semicolon and a parenthesis? What the fuck is that supposed to mean”**_ **he wondered, rotating slightly the piece of parchment in his hand.** _ **“Wait. Is that a wink ?!”** _**Once again, he found himself puzzled by her audacity.** _…Please, don’t hate me. “_ **Too late,” he muttered, although he knew damn well that he was lying to himself. He couldn’t hate her.**

_Yours sincerely,_   
_You-know-who (but not Voldemort)_

Okay… turned out he could hate her. _“Did she just sign ‘You-know-who but not Voldemort’ ?_!”

Honestly, he didn’t know how to react. A part of him wanted to laugh at her brilliant dark humour, the other wanted to crumple the damn letter up and burn it, hoping that the fire would also erase her kind words from his memory.

But he knew there was no point in doing that. The truth was, he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since that day, two months ago, when she had first admitted having a crush on him. He kept replaying her words in his mind, every night before heading to bed, and every morning before getting up.

As he stood up from his couch to pour himself a glass of firewhiskey, he folded the letter back in the envelope and subconsciously put it in the inner pocket of his potions-proof robes. After emptying his whiskey glass, he paused before refilling it. “ _No. It’s not even noon,”_ he decided against it, before thinking again, _“But it’s not every day I receive something for Valentine’s day. I should mark the occasion”._ It was indeed the first time he had ever received something for Valentine’s day that was not part of some cruel joke. “ _Merlin, what is wrong with her?!_ ” he muttered, refilling his glass. _“And what is wrong with me?! Why does she affect me that much? And who am I to tell her to stop being distracted by me, when I’m constantly distracted by her?”_ he asked himself. _“A pathetic excuse of a lonely, selfish, perverted teacher, that’s what I am”._ He drank to that.

\---

In the afternoon, Hermione tried to spot her beloved Professor at the Quidditch match. The seat he usually occupied in the Slytherin’s stand was empty. She kept looking out for him for a while longer, but when there was still no sign of the Potions Master her attention went back to the match.

An hour and half later, she climbed up the stairs of the Gryffindor girls’ bedroom. She could hear Ginny and Luna giggling happily. She supposed it was because the Gryffindor team had just beaten its opponent 250 points to 190. But their laughter had nothing to do with that.

Approaching the two witches who were now starring at her with goofy grins, she asked suspiciously “What ? Why are you laughing? ” she checked herself for stains of pumpkin juice, “Is there something on my face?”

“No” Ginny replied, “but there’s definitely something on your bed”.

Hermione’s head snapped in the direction of her bed. On top of it, there was a package covered in silver wrapping paper. Baffled, she looked back at her friends quizzically. “Erm… What is that ?” she asked.

“You tell us!” Luna said, “a secret admirer, maybe…” she trailed off.

“Ugh. It better not be a first-year student again!” she growled, remembering last year’s disaster, when a Ravenclaw boy had actually got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She remembered laughing hysterically at first, thinking it was a joke. But when she had met the boy’s hopeful eyes, she knew he was deadly serious. She had tried to find a kind and polite way to decline his offer, not wanting to break his heart. The boy ended up crying anyway and since then, she always felt sorry for him and guilty every time they crossed paths.

“Well there’s only one way to find out,” Ginny urged her to open the gift.

Hermione examined it for a minute to make sure there was no obvious magic-trap wards and opened it. “Wow”, she whispered, admiring what had been hidden under the paper gift.

“A book ?!” Ginny stated, disappointed. “A bloody book for Valentine’s day?”

“It’s not a book,” Luna corrected. The girls came closer to Hermione to have a better look at her present. “It looks like a - ”

“A diary.” Hermione finished her friend’s sentence. The tips of her fingers kept caressing the beautiful front cover of the notebook. It was adorned with tiny pearls and thin silver lace. “It’s beautiful”, is all she managed to say. And it truly was - not too feminine, not too basic. “ _Just perfect_ ”, she thought. Whoever sent her that present definitely knew her well.

“Is there a note or something?” Ginny asked, impatiently.

“No, nothing,” Hermione lied. There was a note inside. She could see the corner of a piece of parchment slightly peeking out. She just wanted some privacy. Whoever had written that note, she knew that her friends wouldn’t let it go and make a fuss about it.

“Oh, that’s too sad”, Luna whined.

“Yeah, that sucks. Seriously ! There’s absolutely no fun in keeping yourself anonymous,” Ginny complained, “People should understand that, right ?”

“Hmm hmm” Hermione nodded before suggesting “Anyway, since there’s nothing more to see, we should probably head outside. It’s still sunny”. The witches agreed and made their way downstairs. Walking down the stairs behind them, Hermione stopped and told her friends “Crap. I forgot something. Go ahead, I’ll meet you outside”, she fibbed. The red head and bleach-blond witches nodded and kept going, while Hermione jogged back to her bed.

_“Alright, it’s just us now,”_ Hermione said, taking back the precious diary in her hands “So _who are you?”_ she wondered, as she opened it to retrieve the piece of parchment. She started reading :

_Granger,_

_Before you start grinning like a fool or bounce on your bed, let’s get one thing straight : this is by no means a Valentine’s day present. It’s just an alternative to taking 50 points from your house and giving you detention. Consider yourself lucky that I have decent manners and still some notion of self-control._

_That being said, I’m pretty sure that you know the purpose of a diary, don’t you? (No need to recite the definition of a “diary” aloud Miss Granger, I’m sure you know it by heart). Feel free to write in whatever foolish thoughts cross your mind. Hopefully, it will refrain you from sharing them with me._

_It might have escaped your notice, but I cast a personalised spell called “solum memento mei”( You didn’t know that one, did you Miss know-it-all?) The pages are made so that only you can read what you write in it. To anyone else, the pages will appear blank. (Don’t look so confused. You couldn’t possibly have heard or read about that spell before. I created it myself)._

_Alright, I think I’ve wasted enough time writing this note. So, I’ll leave you to your non-stop thinking, endless display of knowledge, ranting about “so-called feelings”, and gossiping about teachers. ¬‿¬_

_I’d rather prefer you hating me._

_Sincerely not interested in making you “mine”,_   
_Signed by: The one who fascinates you (but not Lockhart)._

_“Genius bastard!”_ she exclaimed grinning excitedly, before reading the note again. “It seems like two can play this game” she admitted. He had also correctly anticipated her reactions and that made her smile like crazy. “And wait! Is that a smug emoji he wrote?!”, she laughed out loud.

To say that Hermione was happy was an understatement. She was ecstatic. Bouncing on her bed like a mad person, she kept reading the letter again and again, trying to memorise every single word in case he had also cast some kind of auto-eraser or self-destructive charm on it.

\---

A couple of hours later, Hermione and her friends made their way to the Great Hall for dinner. When they entered the room, her eyes immediately connected with his.

“ _Oh shit_ ” thought Severus, looking away immediately. Since he had sat down, he had been unconsciously staring at the main entrance, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Now that he briefly had, he regretted it. “ _Was that a smile she was giving me?”_ he wasn’t sure. The scene had happened too quickly. Thinking that, by now, she might be busy eating, he risked glancing back at her only to meet her eyes again. “ _Flipping heck!”_ he muttered under his breath, regretting offering her the diary. His plan had backfired on him. He only meant to return her attention, hoping that writing would allow her to channel her daydreaming and keep it at bay, so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. _“Come on now! Is she going to keep flashing million-dollar-bright-smiles at me for the rest of her life or what?!”_ he mumbled, annoyed. He clearly hadn’t expected her to enjoy his present that much. Now he felt like a rogue for somehow giving her false hopes and enough content to feed further fantasies both from her part and his. Indeed, he couldn’t deny having felt something unwanted happen in his lower body the second he spotted her at the entrance. And he knew he couldn’t go away with these unconventional thoughts. _“She is your student, you bloody wanker!”_ he reminded himself. “ _Seriously_ – he thought - _What a poor shot cupid really is_ !”

Just like that, Valentine’s day became Hermione’s favourite day of the year, and the absolute worst day in the calendar for Severus.


	3. Mastermind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s getting that from you Severus,” Minerva said, amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers,   
> I appreciate all your comments and encouraging words. :) 
> 
> Here's Chapter 3 ! 
> 
> Thank you to my beta-readers Laura and Janine for their valuable and complementary inputs.   
> I couldn't have asked for a better team.

**Chapter 3 – Mastermind**

Three weeks had passed since Valentine’s Day. Hermione thought of various ways to thank Snape but always assumed that he wouldn’t want to hear from her. So instead of interacting with him, she contented herself with pouring her feelings into the diary he had given her. She had already scrawled fifty pages of her two hundred-pages diary (yes, she had counted them!) and was afraid she might run out of space to write, by the end of the month.

She had just finished writing down that particular concern, when she heard a piercing scream coming from the boys’ dormitory. “Harry” she whispered. She would recognise his screaming voice anywhere. Jumping out of bed, she glanced at the clock. 6:45am. “He probably had another nightmare,” she thought, heading toward the common room.

A minute later, Ron entered the common room, dragging a sweaty Harry.

“What happened?” Hermione asked worriedly.

“Nightmare,” Ron shrugged.

“Did you see _him_?” she asked, referring to Voldemort. Harry nodded but didn’t say anything else. He seemed shocked. Whatever he had seen in his sleep it must have been bad. “Alright, well… we’re here if you want to talk about it. Whenever you’re ready, okay?” she reassured him.

Harry nodded and sat on a couch, looking at nothing in particular with glazed eyes. He remained silent and motionless for almost two hours. Hermione and Ron exchanged worried looks. They had time to do their morning routines and change into their school robes, but Harry hadn’t moved an inch. He was still there, sat on the couch, in his pyjamas.

“Mate, you should take a shower and get ready for breakfast,” Ron told him “Otherwise there won’t be any food left when we get there”.

Hermione glared at him. “Ron, if you’re so worried about not getting your daily tonne of food, just go!”

“Alright, I’ll stay,” he said apologetically, “I suppose I can ask Ginny to save me some cake in a napkin”.

“Ron you know you’re not going to die if you miss one meal, right?”, she huffed.

“I’m not?” he asked, finding it very hard to believe her.

Hermione raised her arms in exasperation. She was about to shout something at the redhead when Harry yelled, “Would you _stop_ talking about food!” All eyes went to him, “Hermione is in serious danger but all you think about is food?!”He glared at Ron.

“I’m sorry,” Ron apologised, “I’ll just eat twice as much at lunch to compensate”. Harry shook his head at the stupidity of his best friend but smiled slightly.

“Ermm. Excuse me” Hermione’s voice tightened. “Can we go back to the ‘Hermione is in serious danger’ part?!”

Harry’s expression sobered as he looked at her friend. “Yeah… You might want to cast a muffliato before I start explaining”. She did, and Harry proceeded to tell them what he had seen in his dreams. Ten minutes later he concluded “...and I woke up, screaming”.

There was a moment of silence after Harry finished telling them what happened. Ron’s mouth was hanging open in shock, while Hermione tried to assess the gravity of Harry’s nightmare. If it was true and premonitory, it might be catastrophic. Not so much for Harry or herself – she thought- but for “Professor Snape!” she exclaimed aloud in terror.

“What?” the boys asked in unison.

Hermione didn’t answer them, she glanced back at the clock. “8:45 am. He’s probably in his classroom already, preparing the ingredients required for today’s potion classes,” she thought before storming out of the common room, leaving the two clueless boys behind her.

She ran as fast as she could and when she finally reached his classroom the door was locked “Fuck!” she hissed in frustration. She had to talk to him as soon as possible. She had to find him now. She spotted Professor Flitwick at the end of the corridor and walked up to him.

“Professor!”

“Oh, Miss Granger! Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes. No. I mean, have you seen Professor Snape?”

“I just saw him five minutes ago, storming out of the great hall. If I were you, I would wait a couple of hours before talking to him. He seemed rather angry”.

“Angry?” she asked, curious “Do you know why?”

“Well, Professor McGonagall appointed him chaperone for the next Hogsmeade excursion,” he explained. “As you can imagine, he was not very pleased. I bet he is currently bribing her to reconsider her decision”.

“Bribing McGonagall,” she repeated more to herself than for him to hear. “Right. Thanks. Have a good day, Sir,” she said hurriedly before climbing up the stairs towards McGonagall’s classroom.

\---

Minerva was writing something on the blackboard when the door of her classroom flew open. Without turning to look at the intruder she scolded. “Severus, for the hundredth time… Is it too much to ask for you to knock!”

“Minerva –,” he answered in the same reprimanding tone, closing the door behind him, “for the hundredth time, is it too much to ask not to assign me to the babysitting of dunderheads?”

Minerva rolled her eyes. “You know Severus, it’d do you some good to take fresh air sometimes”.

“If by fresh air you mean ha-” he started but was cut off by the sound of the door flying open again, revealing a rather panicked-looking Hermione.

Before he had a chance to say anything, she pointed at him. “You need to teach me occlumency,” she blurted out.

“Miss Granger, have you ever been taught to knock, or are you making a habit of bursting into rooms uninvited, interrupting people?” he fumed. Minerva couldn’t contain her laugh. “Anything to say Minerva?” Severus glared at her.

“No. Just that-” she shook her head, still chuckling “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s getting that from you Severus”. When they both stared at her, she added “I just find it odd that a girl with usual impeccable manners barged in -”

“I’m so sorry,” Hermione quickly said, giving her Head of House an apologetic look.

“Apology accepted dear. We were done talking anyway”. Severus was about to protest but McGonagall gave him a sharp look before announcing happily, “Professor Snape will be escorting you to Hogsmeade next week”.

Snape snarled and came up with the first excuse he could. “You heard the girl? Your precious Gryffindor wants me to teach her occlumency. I can’t possibly find time to do that, except if you spare me the pointless Hogsmeade visit”.

Minerva huffed and turned to address her student, “Miss Granger, may I ask why you need Professor Snape to teach you occlumency?”

“I - ” she hesitated to tell her the reason. She didn’t know how much her Headmistress knew about Voldemort’s followers, “I’d rather keep it between Professor Snape and myself, if that’s alright with you, Professor”.

Minerva blinked in surprise and turned to look at her stunned colleague. “Very well Miss Granger”, she said, still staring at Severus suspiciously. “I’ll leave you two to it then.”

“I deduce I’m no longer expected to accompany the Hogsmeade party then?” he asked, voice filled with hope.

“ _If_ and only if,” – she insisted on the hypothetical conjunction - “Miss Granger’s reasons for Occlumency lessons are legitimate and require immediate attention, you will be excused”. Severus smirked slightly. “However, I trust that you won’t push the girl too far and be more patient with her than you have been with Mister Potter”. Severus sneered but nodded. “I think we have a deal then. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish preparing my upcoming lesson,” She showed them the door.

In a second Severus left the room, leaving Hermione to say her farewell to her Transfiguration Professor and following the Potions Master.

\---

“I don’t remember asking you to follow me,” he snapped once he arrived in his classroom. Hermione had run after him, trying to keep up with his long and quick strides but failing miserably.

Still out of breath, she panted, “I’m sorry, I just assumed - ”

“You assumed incorrectly,” he cut her off, turning his back to her

“Would you please just listen to me?”

There was something in the way she pleaded that made him relent. “Five minutes Granger. You have five minutes. If I were you, I’d choose my words carefully”.

“Harry had a nightmare - ” she paused to regulate her breathing “that could be premonitory”.

He couldn’t resist voicing the sarcastic thought that crossed his mind, “If he dreamt that he received a T in his last essay, then yes, it most certainly sounds like an accurate prediction”.

Ignoring his comment, she faced him. “He saw the Dark Lord talking to a woman with black hair and a creepy laugh”. Just like that, she captured his full attention. “They were in some kind of dark meeting room. He told me there was a huge table with empty chairs, except for the ones of the Dark Lord and that disgusting woman”.

Severus didn’t want to show any sign of worry. “May I ask what they were talking about?” he asked, in a calm tone. “You have three minutes left”.

“The witch suggested to him to make a move to get closer to Harry,” she explained.

“What kind of move?” Hermione shivered at his question. It didn’t go unnoticed by her teacher who urged her to keep talking, “Did Harry tell you what it was about? Two minutes and fifty-five seconds left”.

Hermione nodded. “The Dark Lord said he needed to get to the girl”. Severus raised a quizzical eyebrow. “The girl being me, Harry’s pet. Not my words. _His_ ,” she clarified. Severus tensed immediately. He had no way to tell for sure whether or not the nightmare was true. But he couldn’t ignore the accuracy of the descriptions made by Harry of Malfoy Manor and Bellatrix. “That’s why you need to teach me how to protect my mind from vicious intruders”.

“I’m not teaching you occlumency, based only on a nightmare Potter had,” he stated.

“Did you hear what I’ve just told you?”, she exclaimed. “The Dark Lord is coming for me. And if he succeeds, it’s safe to say that we’re both in the big soup. And that’s a way of putting it lightly!”

“I can confirm that if the Dark Lord were indeed coming for you and Potter, you’d be in trouble”, he conceded.

“No, I’m not talking about me and Harry! I mean, of course, it would be terrible if something happened to him, but I don’t think the Dark Lord wants to make a move on The Boy-Who-Lived now.”

Lost, he asked, “then for whom exactly are you concerned?”

“ _Us_!”, she answered, frustrated. “You and me.” Severus frowned; not certain that he was still following her. “Don’t you think that if the Dark Lord sees you in my mind, it would jeopardise your cover and put you at risk?”

Acting on reflex, he immediately cast a muffliato. _No. She can’t possibly know. This is not good._ The spy had not seen that coming and definitely hadn’t considered that outcome. “My cover?” He faked ignorance.

“Yes, you know… your strategic position in You-Know-Who’s inner circle”.

Taking a step closer to her, he snarled. “These are serious assumptions Miss Granger! More than one ended up in Azkaban for less than that”. Hermione was about to protest but he didn’t let her. “Five minutes have passed so I strongly suggest you leave my class now!”

“No!” The determination in her voice sent chills to his spine. “I know what I’m saying. I’ve seen the mark on your forearm. I know what it means. Professor Quirrell had the same”.

Severus froze in shock. The girl knew he was a Death Eater, then. _Why would she even talk to me?_ he thought. “When?”, he asked.

“During my first year, when I set your frock coat on fire, at the Quidditch match. You left the Slytherin stand and I followed you to the lockers where you removed your coat and rolled up your sleeves to wash the soot off your hands.” He looked at her in disbelief, “I’m sorry, by the way… for the fire incident. I thought you were trying to kill Harry when all you did was protect him”. She took a step closer to him and caught his eye. “It took me a while to understand it but from that moment, I’ve never doubted you ever again. I don’t know how or why you joined them,” – she meant the Death Eaters – “but I know that there must be a good legitimate reason behind it”.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, not fully capable of assessing the risks involved now that his identity as a spy had been discovered. “No one can know,” he warned.

She nodded fervently in agreement, “And I promise you that no one will, except if they invade my mind. That’s why you need to teach me occlumency!”.

“Starting tomorrow. 6pm sharp, in the training room. Make sure to eat enough before. You might want to take a sugary snack with you. As you’ll find out, occlumency can be very draining”. She nodded “And don’t tell anyone, even not your curious Headmistress. She knows too much already”.

“Alright, it stays between us. Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, incredulous. “I can assure you that occlumency is nothing enjoyable. Ask your friend - he won’t say otherwise!”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Thank you for everything,” she simply answered before leaving his classroom, feeling far more relieved.


	4. Could it be magic ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt : “If you weren’t already a teacher, I’d suggest that you become one,” she stated shamelessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning,  
> I hope this chapter finds you well. If not, I hope it will make you smile and feel better :)
> 
> Thank you to my beta-readers Laura and Janine, for their patience, great advice and spot on suggestions.

**Chapter 4 - Could it be magic?**

At 5:59pm the following day, Hermione arrived in front of the occlumency training room. Shifting nervously on her feet for a minute longer, she finally knocked on the door.

“Come in,” came Severus’ authoritative voice. She entered the dark room and looked at him expectantly. “Have you eaten enough?” She nodded. “Good. Then you can sit there,” he pointed at a chair, “and I suggest we start right away”.

“Wait!”, she exclaimed. “Could you please take me through the different steps of the procedure?”

“Why waste my breath? We both know that you’ve read and gone through every step of occlumency, at least a thousand times, since Potter started taking his lessons.”

“True. But I need to hear them from you,” she admitted shyly.

Severus examined her curiously. She seemed on edge. He decided to be brutally honest with her. “I’m going to penetrate your mind. You will attempt to resist. It’s going to feel strange and unpleasant. It might even hurt”.

“That’s fine,” she shrugged, “I trust you”. Severus winced; he always did when he heard her say that. Suddenly, she felt nervous at the idea of letting him invade her mind. “If there’s something I don’t want you to see…,” she trailed off.

“As it is your first lesson, I won’t press on the things you don’t want me to see”.

“But how will you know what I want to keep from you if I don’t manage to build up the barriers or walls - or whatever you call them - around these memories?”

“They are called mental walls or shields. And believe me, I will know. Whatever emotion crosses your mind, I will feel it,” he explained.

“So, if I feel proud-”

“I will feel it”.

“And if I’m ashamed ?”

“I shall feel it too”. She knew she’d get on his nerves by asking another question, but she did it anyway. She just couldn’t help teasing him.

“And if I get aroused?”

 _“Please don’t!”_ , he shouted internally, before rolling his eyes. “What don’t you understand about ‘ _whatever emotion_ ’?”

“Alright, alright. I get it!”, she said defensively. “I’m ready”. Subconsciously she closed her eyes, focusing on regulating her breathing to mentally prepare herself for the upcoming invasion.

“Granger!” he snapped, “What’s the easiest way of penetrating someone’s mind?”

“By making eye-contact with that person obviously,” she answered casually, as if he had asked the dumbest question in the world. However, realising that she still had her eyes closed, she opened them quickly to meet his exasperated look. “Erm… Right. Sorry,” she muttered.

“Whatever happens, don’t break eye contact with me. I will withdraw from your mind if I find it necessary. Is that understood?” She nodded and immediately bored her eyes into his. Her intense gaze made him feel dizzy for a second. “ _Beautiful eyes,”_ he thought before casting a _legilimens_.

He penetrated her mind without much resistance but was immediately confronted by a vortex of blurred images, spinning on themselves at an incredible pace. He had never seen that before. He couldn’t pass through them or grasp them. In that moment, he could swear that catching the golden snitch, blindfolded in the rain, would be an easier task than grasping one of the thousand pieces of memories rushing before his eyes. He felt powerless as the images kept attacking him at full speed. Never, in years of occlumency practice, had he ever experienced that extent of dizziness. Not even when he had been drunk. He felt like he could faint at any moment. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he immediately wrenched his mind out of hers, worried that she might actually be fainting.

She was not. “Why did you stop?”, she asked, afraid that he might have seen something he didn’t like.

He ignored her question. “Are you okay?” he pressed her. She was acting as if nothing had happened.

Noticing his paler-than-usual face, she frowned. “Erm yes… are you?”, she asked in concern.

“No!” he snapped “I just got attacked by thousands of blurred thoughts swirling in the outer-layer of your mind!”

“Well, that’s good. Isn’t it ?” He gave her a look of incomprehension. “I mean, whatever might bother or attack an intruder plays in our favour, no?”

 _“Insufferable know-it-all_ ,” he thought. “Not necessarily. It depends on who you’re dealing with. If the intruder is the Dark Lord, for example, it won’t take him two seconds to rip through your inner mind with full force, barely paying attention to the first layer”.

“Why? Because the first layer is mainly composed of random, useless, memories?”

“Precisely. Think of your mind as a suitcase.” She raised an amused eyebrow at the comparison. “You are more likely to put what matters the most or what’s most sensitive in the inner pocket or in the center of your suitcase. And you will wrap it up with multiple layers of clothes or towels to protect it”.

“Wow!”, she whispered, stunned by the relevancy of his analogy. “If you weren’t already a teacher, I’d suggest that you become one,” she stated shamelessly. “Seriously, you always make it so easy to understand things”. That compliment hit him. He would never admit it, but he sincerely appreciated it. “I might sound like a teacher’s pet but believe me when I say that none of your colleagues even come close to you and your ability to convey complex concepts”.

Hermione was not sure if she heard him mutter a quick “thanks” under his breath or if she imagined it as he grabbed her chin to look in her eyes again. “If you don’t want me to force myself into the deepest layers of your mind or see my lunch reappear on your shoes, I suggest that you don’t overdo it with the blurred memory diarrhoea”. He saw her nod and then slipped into her mind once more.

This time he was able to navigate more easily through the first layer, before delving deeper into the area where her dearest memories were held. Severus was not ready for what he saw there. It seemed that three-quarters of her most cherished memories had something to do with him. He could see his face everywhere in her mind. And that made him want to close his eyes instantly. However, he restrained himself from doing so, knowing that breaking eye contact so suddenly could be painful for her. Slowly, he started withdrawing. Once out of her mind, he turned his back on her.

Fully aware of what he had seen, she breathed out heavily. “Do you understand now why it was imperative for you to teach me how to shield my thoughts?” Her tone was apologetic.

Severus turned to face her with a pained expression on his face. “I don’t understand, though. Why am I all over your mind?”

She shrugged. “This is going to sound sappy, but in all honesty it’s because you’re always on my mind.” Her professor winced, feeling uneasy.

“But where are your memories of Potter, your friends, your parents, your teachers, your cat?”, he asked.

She frowned in confusion. “Well, they were in there. Didn’t you see them?”

“I’ve seen _some_ of them, but it can’t possibly have been _all_ of them!” He couldn’t believe the fact that her mind contained more memories of him than memories of her best friend. “Where are all your memories with Potter?”, he asked again, clearly agitated.

“I don’t know,” she answered, flustered. “Probably in the first layer of my mind?” she paused, “I love Harry, but maybe I don’t feel necessary to protect my memories of him that much.”

“Well you should! He is the Boy-Who-Lived and your best friend for Merlin’s sake! The deepest layers of your mind should be filled with memories of him. Not me!” he snapped.

“Why not?! Harry receives enough protection as it is. He’s got you!”, she exclaimed, pointing at him with her finger. “Who protects you?!” Her voice cracked when she asked him that.

“I don’t need protection!” he barked.

They both remained silent for a minute. Severus was angry at her for caring that much about his miserable self. He didn’t think he deserved any of her concerns and certainly not her protection. It was supposed to be the other way around. If anyone had to protect someone here, it should be him, protecting her. She was his student. It was his role to protect her, just like it was his role to protect Lily’s son. The witch actually thought he was doing a good job at protecting Potter. “ _I am not_ ”, he convinced himself, shaking his head. “ _Potter will need all the protection he can get, because I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do it myself”._ He wanted to tell her that. He yearned to tell her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Probably because he didn’t want to shatter the perfect heroical image she had of him, or because he simply didn’t want to cause her any more worry.

As for Hermione, she was admiring the man standing in front of her. Whatever he was thinking about it was probably heartbreaking, she thought, seeing a wave of sadness flash before his eyes.

Afraid that he might dismiss her, she gently asked, “should we try again? I mean, should I try harder to resist your invasion?”

Her question made him look back at her. She looked so innocent and docile. In that moment, he silently prayed for her to be safe and to never meet the Dark Lord. But he knew better. Praying had never worked for him; it had never been enough. He nodded at her. The girl was willing to learn. So, he had to train her; just in case his prayer was once again ignored. He needed to prepare her to fight against Death Eaters or worse, the Dark Lord himself. “This time try to occlude all your memories of me”.

“Ok, I will do my best,” she answered with a voice full of motivation. She looked him in the eyes and a second later she felt him enter her mind. This time was different. His immersion had been less fluid. Maybe it was because she had resisted better. “Better?”, she sought for confirmation.

Severus had, indeed, found it more difficult to penetrate her mind but he also knew that he was going easy on her, given the fact that it was her first lesson. “Barely,” he murmured objectively. When he felt her brain begin to form another question, he grabbed her chin to make sure to keep the eye-contact. “Stop talking. Focus on occluding your memories of me”. And she did. At least, she tried. He dove further and could see fewer and fewer scenes with him in it. “That’s it, keep building walls around those memories,” he encouraged her. “You may want to push other memories into the foreground for me to see”.

Following his suggestion, she tried to push forward a memory of her, petting Crookshanks happily, in her bedroom at her parent’s house. Not interesting in seeing her childhood bedroom - that only reminded him how young she was - Severus contemplated the scene absently until something caught his eye. On one of the baby-blue walls of her room, was a very indecent poster. He tried to take a better look at it but felt some resistance coming from Hermione.

“Erm, Professor, I don’t feel very well,” she whispered.

He withdrew himself immediately in a swift painless motion and noticed the sweat forming on her forehead. “Breathe in,” he ordered, worried.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m bad at it. I didn’t mean to disappoint you, but I felt sick and -”

He shook his head in dissent and cut her off. “In less than one hour, you managed to do what Potter still can’t do after months of training. I’d say you’re doing just fine”.

“Then why do I feel as though I’ve been hit by a bus?” When he squinted his eyes at the simile, she felt the need to add “no offence”.

He snorted. “Miss Granger, I told you it was not agreeable. So, imagine what it feels like when the Dark Lord gives it a try”. She imagined it and shivered. “There’s a reason why teaching occlumency is prohibited in schools. This form of magic, when used in an evil way, can vitiate even the most powerful wizard. And I can assure you that when the Dark Lord decides to rip through your mind it’s always evil, and you suddenly find death more appealing than enduring his torture”.

He was speaking from experience. She was sure of that. And it terrified her that he might actually consider death as a better outcome. “No!”, she cried, jumping on her feet.

Surprised by her sudden outburst and noticing the tears threatening to fall, he cursed himself. _“You bloody moron! Why did you have to tell her this, eh ? Now she’s never going to be able to sleep again, getting anxious over a confrontation that might not even happen”._ He tried to reassure her. “I apologise. I should not have told you that. It was not my intention to scare you”.

“No!” She got closer to him until they were standing less than two inches apart from each other. “If he ever penetrates your mind again, promise to endure it,” she pleaded, the tears finally falling down her jaw. “You need to promise me that you will endure and make it out alive”. She started to hyperventilate. “You hear me ? You have no right to give up!” Her voice cracked when she rephrased hysterically “I’m not allowing you to die! I know that I’m being extremely selfish right now, and that I can’t even began to understand the pain you went through. But I need you! Harry needs you. The goddamn wizarding world needs you. And maybe these reasons are not good enough for you, but you have to promise me to choose torture and surviving over death.”

Astounded by her words, Severus didn’t know what to say. “I-” he had to deflect her request.

He couldn’t possibly promise her something he was incapable of guaranteeing. But when she pleaded with him again and felt her arms wrap around his torso, he panicked. “Alright, I will but only if you can promise me the same”. She nodded happily, her wet face still burrowed in his robe “and only if you get the hell off of me!” He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had held him. It was not even a hug; just a small embrace but, still, he didn’t think anyone had held him this way.

“I’m sorry.” She took a step back and smiled slightly at him.

“On a completely unrelated topic- ” he started, desperately willing to change the subject and put some distance between their bodies, “how did you manage to get your parents’ approval to put a pornographic poster on the wall of your bedroom?”

Her eyes grew wide in shame. “I didn’t… I… I …,” she stammered. “It’s not porn! It’s a poster of a British Muggle boy band called _Take That_. They’re quite popular these days.”

“A very explicit poster, nonetheless. All I saw was five male naked arses covered in jelly”.

Covering her face in shame, she tried to explain, “it’s from a video clip of a song called ‘ _Do what u like’_. I swear I didn’t see their fronts or anything”. She didn’t know why she felt the need to tell him that, but she did. And now she felt more ashamed than ever.

“Oh, you don’t have to justify yourself, Miss Granger. You’re free to _‘do what u like’”,_ he smirked, “I just found it quite difficult to understand how you went from fantasising about _them_ to fantasising about _me_ ”. He didn’t mean to ask that aloud, but now that he had, he continued, “Actually, I can’t understand why you would fantasise about me or them at all?”

The question had been asked in all seriousness. Yet, Hermione couldn’t help laughing nervously. Sitting back on her chair, she cleared her voice, “First of all, I’ve never fantasised about them. I barely had any interest for the lead singer-”.

He cut her off. “The spiky-bleach-blond hair chubby one?!” he asked, disgust obvious on his face.

“He’ not _that_ chubby but yes… Wait…. You know _Take That_ ?!”, she asked in shock. She couldn’t believe it. There was no way in hell he’d know who these teenage boys were.

“No, I don’t!”, he snapped. When Hermione looked at him unconvinced, he felt the need to elaborate. “I just know that three or four years ago, they released a cover of a song called _‘Could it be magic’._ Somehow Cornelius Fudge heard the song and made it the official anthem of his election campaign. Since then, the band kind of became a running gag at the Ministry”.

“No way!” Hermione laughed out loud, throwing her head backwards.

Severus’ eyes lingered on her exposed neck longer than he intended. He gulped when she laughed again, this time launching herself forward, clapping her hands like a demented seal, exposing her luscious cleavage in the process. Out of misplaced curiosity, he asked “I still don’t get how you could go from being interested in bloody _Gary Barlow_ to _me_. You must realise that we have absolutely nothing in common”.

Once again, Hermione laughed heartily. “You’re wrong, you know? I can at least think of one common point,” she stated.

“Oh really?”, he snorted sarcastically. “I’d like to hear that. What is it? Please, enlighten me”.

“You’ve got the same habit of slanting both eyebrows at the same 45 degree-angle,” she answered seriously. On cue he subconsciously raised his eyebrows in surprise. She pointed at them, laughing. “Exactly just like that!”

It didn’t make him laugh at all. “So what? You’ve got a thing for raised eyebrows. That’s what you’re telling me? Are you a raised-eyebrow fetishist?” She burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. This time almost falling off her chair. This was new but nice to him. Making someone laugh was not something he was familiar with. He was better at making people feel uncomfortable, afraid, or worthless. He never thought he’d be capable of making someone laugh so genuinely like she had done four times in the past ten minutes. She made him feel like a new man; a man he didn’t know he could trust. Severus shook his head in exasperation before dismissing her. “Enough for today. You’re going to be late for dinner. Make sure to discipline your mind and sort your memories out for next time”.

She nodded. “When will we meet again?”

“Next week, while your comrades will be spending all their money in sweet shops in Hogsmeade,” he growled.

Hermione smiled at him and when she unexpectedly took a step closer to him, he backed away, made his way to the door, and opened it for her. Getting the hint, she left the room but not before saying “Thank you for your patience. I really enjoyed that lesson, even though I can feel my brain pounding in my head.”

“That has everything to do with your laughter and nothing to do with occlumency,” he countered.

“Ha- ha”. She rolled her eyes in response and said her farewell. “Have a good evening, Professor”. He nodded and closed the door.

Once alone, he ran a hand through his hair. “ _Do what you like, my ass_!”, he muttered. _“I can’t do a bloody thing. I can’t look at her without feeling like a pervert. I can’t hate her. I can’t make her hate me either. I can’t stop her caring for me. And now I can’t even die if I want to !”_ he complained aloud. _“Why the hell did I promise her that?”_ Exhausted by his own twisted thinking, he stalked back to the dungeons, deducting house points from every unfortunate student he encountered along the way in an effort to return things to the way they had been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not familiar with Take That, here's the explicit video clip I was talking about : https://youtu.be/qpqAXZI0s0s
> 
> Here's "Could it be magic" : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVBIfSt0lAo
> 
> And Gary Barlow's raised eyebrows : https://images.app.goo.gl/ZrNngax8ZkAJjaop6


	5. Well done Miss Granger !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt : “With all due respect, I reiterate my insult: you are such an arse! A totally good-looking arse but an arse nonetheless!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning !  
> I hope you're having a good weekend.  
> As per usual, I want to thank my beta-readers and you, readers, for all your comments and kudos. They are deeply appreciated.  
> \---  
> Here's Chapter 5 !

**Chapter 5 - Well done Miss Granger**

A week had passed, and Hermione had a feeling that today’s occlumency session would be a disaster. She hadn’t slept well since the last lesson, overthinking the possibility of meeting the Dark Lord and compromising Professor Snape. She had spent hours trying to work on building mental walls to keep her memories locked down and safe, but she found it bloody hard. “ _Discipline your mind, my arse ! How am I supposed to do that when I’m worried-sick!”_ she cursed while getting dressed to face the day after another sleepless night.

On top of that, Harry had another nightmare over the weekend. This time, he only saw Hermione crying on the floor of a dark room, with a man hovering over her. He couldn’t identify the man but could hear the black-haired witch’s evil laugh in the background.

Apparently, Potter couldn’t keep his traumatic nightmare to himself as Snape heard him and Ron talking about it this morning, in the corridor. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but when he heard them mention Hermione’s name, his curiosity got the best of him.

What he heard terrified him. This couldn’t be good. It was the second time Potter had dreamt of Hermione being in danger, in the presence of the Dark Lord and his servants. Severus was worried that Harry would recognize him among these Death Eaters, and he was even more worried about the girl’s safety. He made a mental note to speed the occlumency process up a little, in order to provide Hermione with the most efficient preparation.

\---

With this thought in mind, Severus waited impatiently for Hermione to show up. When she finally did, he didn’t even wait for her to set both feet in the room before invading her mind with no warning. 

Hermione immediately felt the assault. Startled, she lost her balance and fell on her back, breaking the connection. “What the hell ?! No heads up? No ‘How are you Hermione, have you slept and eaten enough?’”, she lamented.

“Why? You think the Dark Lord care about civilities?!” he sneered back at her. He calmed down seeing her small form still on the ground. “Have you?”, he asked politely. She frowned in confusion. “Slept and eaten enough,” he clarified.

“Screw you!”

“Not going to happen!”, he replied bluntly. Hermione gave him a challenging look but didn’t push the matter.

“Alright. Let’s do this then”, she got up and made her way to the chair. Once sat, she locked eyes with her Potions Master and heard him cast _legilimens_.

Truth be told, she had made considerable progress in one week, but unfortunately not enough to meet the spy’s expectations. After twenty minutes of repetitive invasions, Severus got frustrated.

“You’re weak! Reckless! Incapable of focusing on a simple task!”

“ _Simple?!_ That’s what you call it? There’s nothing simple here!”, she yelled. “You could die. I could literally get you killed!” Tears were welling in her eyes.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake ! Do me a favour and stop worrying about _my_ life and start worrying and fighting for yours! You won’t last five seconds against the Dark Lord if you keep thinking with your foolish heart instead of your mind!”

Hermione was speechless. She had done her best despite her lack of sleep. Yet, it wasn’t enough. She knew he was right; she was weak and reckless, but she hadn’t expected him to lash out at her like that. Hurt, she rose from her chair and made her way out.

\---

Furious, Severus watched her leave his class. He knew he had been unfair. Anyone with common sense could see that he was putting too much pressure on her. He had not meant any of the harsh words he said. He was just worried. But now she was mad at him, and for some odd reason, it bothered him. Closing the door of the occlumency training room behind him, he went after her.

When he was close enough for her to hear, he spoke. “I apologise.”

“Well, that’s not enough !” she retorted, without even turning to look at him. Hermione kept walking fast with determination in her steps. She opened a door, then a second one, without really paying attention to where she was going.

Severus was baffled by her dismissal. He was not the kind to apologise easily. Yet, he had made the effort for her. “Not enough?” he asked in disbelief as the girl kept walking.

“You know what ? Don’t … don’t speak,” she ordered, flustered. She _alohomora’d_ three more doors and kept walking straight.

“Excuse me?” He hadn’t seen that coming.

She exhaled and stopped walking for a second. This time she turned to look at him “I just... I can’t think when you’re talking to me”.

“Oh is that so?”, he snorted. She huffed and kept on walking. Severus began to examine his surroundings. He didn’t know where she wanted to go, but wherever it was, this couldn’t possibly be the right direction. Tired of following her, he asked, “Do you intend to stop walking one day?”

Still angry at him, she snapped, “es! … No! Maybe. Why do you care anyway?” She kept going, turning right, then left, then right again.

Severus raised his brow and stared at her. “O-kay… Do you even know where you are going?”

“Perfectly!”

“Indeed,” he said sarcastically “then you will not need me to tell you that we’ve just entered Dumbledore’s quarters”.

“Exactly, I don’t need you to – wait,” she paused. Finally processing what he had just told her, she turned to face him. “What?!”, she asked, before looking around herself in horror. She didn’t know where she was. She had never seen that place before or maybe she had, subconsciously, on the Marauder’s Map.

Severus smirked but quickly rolled his eyes when he heard the voice of Argus Filch in the back. “Hey ! I know someone is here! You can’t break into the Headmaster’s quarters like that!” Filch yelled from the entrance of Dumbledore’s quarters corridor.

“Well done Miss Granger!” His voice dripped with sarcasm, but it went unnoticed by Hermione whose mind was racing to come up with a plan.

“Shut it,” she blurted out, relying on her photographic memory to try to remember any potential hiding places she might have seen on the map. She knew they couldn’t be seen together. It would raise suspicions, and no one should know about her late-night occlumency lessons.

He glared at her. “Did you just shush me young lady?!”

“Yes. No. I mean… Ugh…,” she sighed. She looked at the door on her left and then it clicked. “Okay, don’t worry. I have a plan. A brilliant one,” she told him.

“ _Wonderful_ …,” he rolled his eyes. He was beginning to run out of patience. Before he could snap at her, she grabbed his arm. “Follow me,” she dragged him into a small closet.

Severus looked around him, horrified. He recognized the closet from a picture he had seen in a book of myths and legends years ago. He and Lily had read it at least three times during their first year at Hogwarts. “So, that was your _brilliant_ plan ?!” With his index he poked at her chest and pushed her against the wall.

“Hey! What are you doing?”, she hissed. When he ignored her and kept poking at her, she yelped. “Ouch, stop it!” She caught his finger into both of her hands. With an authoritarian voice, she repeated “Stop it, Professor! Don’t you know how small this room is? You’re shoving me into the wall!”

Severus jerked his finger away from her hands. “That’s the idea, witch ! It’s because I know exactly how small this room is that I’m – he quote-marked her words - shoving you into the wall”.

Hermione was surprised by his behaviour “Why, because you can’t bear my presence?” She felt a bit ashamed. “Merlin, it’s not like I have the plague!”

“Unfortunately.” There was a brief silence before he added, “it would have given me at least one official and legitimate reason to keep you away from me”.

“You really despise me that much, huh?” She knew it was all an act on his part, but it still hurt her to hear him pretend otherwise. “Sir, with all due respect you’re being a real git!” He didn’t comment on her insult. “And would you mind lighting up the room, please? It’s so dark, I can barely see you!”

Severus rolled his eyes and cast _Lumos_. She muttered a quick thank-you. With the lights on, she could now see how small the room actually was.

“What about Filch?”, she asked anxiously.

“I just had time to _obliviate_ the man and his wretched cat before you dragged me in here!” He could read the confusion on her face so before she opened her mouth to ask him how he managed to cast the spell in the dark, at distance and without an incantation, he explained bluntly “Non-verbal. Long years of training”. Then, Severus’ gaze shifted to the witch’s hands that were shaking. Concerned, he enquired why she was trembling.

“I’m not,” she stated. She looked up at him and followed his gaze. Upon realising that she was indeed shaking, she rectified her previous statement. “Oh… I am…”

“Obviously,” Severus scoffed. “Is it fear ?” he asked, intrigued. “What about that famous Gryffindor bravery?”. She gave him the death stare. Finding that teasing her was quite amusing, he kept up his needling. “Or is it guilt? Of course, it must be. The perfect insufferable know-it-all feels guilty for bursting into forbidden places _again_ , insulting her teacher?”

Hermione looked at him with a sudden fierceness. “With all due respect, I reiterate my insult: you are such a bloody git! A totally good-looking git but a git nonetheless!” She closed her eyes tightly, anticipating a hex in retaliation. When nothing happened, she opened her eyes slightly and grew confident in speaking again “It’s not fear.” In a softer tone she explained, “when I’m with you, there’s nothing I’m afraid of…”

Once more, Severus was baffled by her admission. “And may I ask why that may be?”

Shyly, she inched closer to him. “Because with you, I feel safe. I always have. I can’t explain why? It’s just... _You._ I know that nothing can happen to me as long as I’m by your side.” Severus looked at her as if she had grown three heads. “I’d trust you with my life,” she added.

Recovering from the shock and mini heart attack she’d just given him he scowled at her, “Well you shouldn’t ! You should trust no one but yourself. That is a basic truth of the human condition! You can only count on yourself.”

“Rubbish!”, she exclaimed. “Anyway, I don’t know why my hands are trembling, but it can’t be fear.”

The finality of her statement made him think of other possibilities causing that symptom. Uncomfortable, he asked “has this shaking something to do with _me_ , then?” He was hesitant in his choice of words “I mean… did I hurt you when you grabbed me?” He didn’t think so, but he needed to be sure of it.

When she caught the hint of worry in his eyes, she shook her head negatively. “No, no. Of course not. My hands are fine. They don’t hurt or anything”.

Severus exhaled, reassured. He cleared his throat. “So, what’s next?” She raised a questioning eyebrow. “The door is locked and can only be opened from the outside. But of course, you knew that already. Didn’t you?”, he glared at her accusingly. “So, what’s the next step in your _brilliant_ plan?” She rolled her eyes at the way he emphasised the word _brilliant_. “Any idea to get us out of here?” As soon as the question left his lips, he regretted it. He knew better than to ask her questions.

When she cleared her voice and started her sentence by “Well…” he knew he was screwed and had made a major mistake asking Miss Know-it-all what her plan was. “The legend says that the only way to get out of this room is to kiss your partner for seven minutes straight.”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,_ thought Severus. Now that she mentioned it, he remembered that legend from the book. Lily had found the legend quite amusing. Severus hadn’t.

Panicked at the smile the witch was giving him, he shuffled uncomfortably. He couldn’t stay here any longer. And he certainly wasn’t going to kiss his student for seven bloody minutes. He was too old for that silly fairy story. Withdrawing his wand from his sleeve, he muttered, “Confound the blasted legend,” before casting a _bombarda_ spell.

Exasperated by his action, Hermione rolled her eyes. “It’s in these situations that the expression ‘rough around the edges’ makes sense,” she muttered.

Severus chuckled slightly and offered her his arm to help her cross the debris of the blown-up door. Once out and back in safe territory, he fixed his potions robes. “Now Miss Granger, I think we are even”.

“What do you mean ? Are we even because you’re as mad at me, as I am at you? Or because you assume that my keeping you in that closet against your will balances out your prior harsh words?” she asked teasingly for clarification.

His eyes widened. _Tricky question_ , he thought. “Both”. Hermione smiled at him devilishly and nodded. “You better go before anyone sees you walking around in forbidden corridors.” He made eye contact with her, making sure she was listening intently. “And not a word about what happened tonight. Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” came her reply. She hadn’t stopped smiling at him, which somehow intrigued the wizard.

“Good night, Granger”.

“It’s Hermione. And thank you. See you tomorrow in class!”

He managed to snort as she started walking away from him. “Oh and Sir-,” she looked back at him and smiled again, “just so you know… You will have to deal with me for a looooooooooooooooong time, so you might as well get used to my _infuriating_ presence”.

“No,” he stated. “Bloody nuisance – insufferable know-it-all,” he muttered loudly enough for her to hear.

Hermione made her way out, a bright grin plastered on her face.

Once he was out of earshot, Severus whispered, “it will be my pleasure, Hermione”.


	6. When the bat's away, the mice will play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “Excuse me ? Miss Granger, are you telling me you want a detention ? Are you ill?”, Minerva asked, concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!  
> I hope this update finds you safe and sound. :)  
> Here's Chapter 6.
> 
> Thank you Laura for your patience and valued suggestions.

**Chapter 6 – When the bat’s away the mice will play**

A month had passed, and Hermione was making considerable progress in occlumency. At least, that’s what she was telling herself. Severus had cancelled their last three weekly meetings. Every time, he had come up with some lame excuses about staff obligations, asking her to train on her own.

For some reason, she had the feeling he would also cancel tomorrow’s session, and this was seriously bothering her. She feared he was avoiding her on purpose; that maybe he really couldn’t bear her presence. As she was doodling her frustration on her diary, she heard something tap on the window above her bed, in the dormitory.

Recognizing the black raven Severus had sent in the past, she snarled. _What now ?!_ She opened the window and wrested the envelope from the crow’s beak. The message was clear :

_No training tomorrow._

_I have to supervise detentions._

_Work on your map mind to classify and order your memories._

_My apologies,_

_STS_

Hermione huffed and cast an _incendio_ spell, burning the paper to ashes. _Supervise detention, uh ? What a polite way to say you’re avoiding me Mister STS ! I know exactly what the “T” stands for : tosser!_ In the middle of her vocal tantrum, she noticed that the crow was still there, waiting. “You can go, I have nothing to tell him in return! I wouldn’t even know where to start!”. The raven was about to take off when she yelled “If you’re so keen to send him a message, tell him that he can go fuck himself sideways with a cactus !” The bird stared at her disdainfully and flew away.

“Miss Granger that is not the way to speak !”, Professor McGonagall exclaimed, appalled.

Startled, Hermione jumped and looked at her Head of House in shock. “Pro…Professor, what are you doing here? I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That’s because you were busy screaming disgusting things at the wind. How deceiving of you Miss Granger, I’m sure your parents taught you better”. Hermione hung her head in shame. “Now to answer your question, The Fat Lady reported to me the use of the _incendio_ spell, so I came up to make sure the dormitory wasn’t on fire.”

“I’m sorry. I cast the _incendio_ to burn a piece of paper”.

The teacher nodded. “Boy troubles ?”, McGonagall intrigued.

“Yeah, you could say that,” the young witch muttered under her breath.

“This is not an excuse for your verbal transgressions!”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t even mean it. It must be because it’s my _week_ of the month, if you know what I mean? I’m a little bit on edge”.

Minerva rolled her eyes in disbelief. “A cactus…,” she chuckled. “I should give you detention for that but I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear anything-”.

As soon as her Professor mentioned the word “detention” the wheels in Hermione’s mind started turning, forming a mischievous plan. “No!”, she cut her off “I deserve detention ! My behavior was unacceptable, and you shouldn’t favour me”.

The shock on Minerva’s face was priceless. “Excuse me ? Miss Granger, are you telling me you _want_ a detention ? Are you ill?”, she asked, concerned.

“No but I want justice. I have been rude, and I should be punished accordingly. Plus, it will show Professor Snape that, unlike him, you don’t have any problem punishing students from your own house when justified”.

“Ah! I concede this is an astute plan,” the older woman admitted, amused by the idea. “But you realise that this detention will appear on your academic record, right?” Hermione nodded. “And the thing is, I didn’t plan on supervising detentions this week”.

“Oh, that’s fine. Feel free to assign me to another teacher. I really don’t mind. And I don’t have anything planned tomorrow from 6 to 7pm,” Hermione blurted out.

Minerva was far from naïve. At breakfast, Severus had asked her if he could supervise detentions, tomorrow evening precisely, pretexting _“being in the mood for berating troublesome dunderheads_ ”. So as soon as Hermione mentioned the same time slot, she made the connection right away.

“And, of course, this sudden wish for detention tomorrow evening has nothing to do with a certain Potions Master?”, Minerva asked knowingly.

_Fuck ! What do I do? What do I do?!_ _Okay, deny it._ “Uhm… nuh-no, of course not”. The hesitancy in her voice gave it away.

Deciding that whatever was going on between her colleague and her favorite student was by no means suitable, Minerva said “great !Then you’ll be having detention with Professor Lupin”.

“Professor Lupin ?!”, she exclaimed in a disappointed tone. Her brilliant plan had gone to pot in an instant.

“A problem Miss Granger?”

“No. No, that’s fine I’ll spend the hour with Professor Lupin then”.

“Make it two.”

“Two?”, Hermione asked quizzically.

“Yes, two hours. One for the use of vulgar language, the second for lying to my face”. Hermione was about to protest but her Professor hold up her hand in negation. “Hush Miss Granger. Or do you want to make it three?”

“No Professor. I apologise”.

“You should apologise to that poor cactus”. Minerva chuckled and it made Hermione laughed nervously.

“You’re more concerned about the cactus than the person it was aimed for?”, Hermione asked, amused.

“Oh, I have no doubt that whoever _he_ is, he deserves it. Five points to Gryffindor for imagination related to Transfiguration, and another five for putting a man in his place”.

Hermione laughed. “Hold on! You’re not seriously considering asking us to transfigure a cactus into a dildo, right?”

“No one said I was going to do that in class…” Minerva winked at her bemused student before leaving the dormitory.

Hermione remained still for a minute trying to process what she just heard. _Yuck. I don’t even want to know…_ She shivered in disgust at thought of her Professor using that kind of intimate object. Later, she sat on her bed exasperated. _Well done Granger, you earned yourself a two-hour detention with Professor Lupin. Bloody Great! Go explain this to your friends now…_

\---

“You what ?! ”, Harry and Ron asked in unison.

“Professor McGonagall gave me detention because she heard me insult- ”. She couldn’t possibly tell them about Professor Snape, so she settled for “- a raven”.

“A raven?”, Harry asked, confused.

“Yes, a bloody raven!”

“Why? Did it take a shit on your window or something?”, Ron asked bluntly.

_Keep lying Hermione. Eventually, they will drop the subject. “_ Yes, it pooped everywhere”.

“Ew!” Ron made disgusted face. “A detention, though ? That sounds a bit excessive, especially for you. It will be your first detention ever !”

Hermione nodded and shrugged. She immediately felt ashamed. _Me, Hermione Jean Granger, top of the class since Preschool got a detention because of Severus Tosser Snape ! What will he think of me ? He’s going to be disappointed by my behavior, telling me that I missed a chance to work on my occlumency._ Running a hand through her hair, she hissed in frustration _. I am so, so stupid ! What was I thinking ?!_

The boys finally dropped the subject and the three of them started planning a way to allow Harry to spend the summer with Sirius.

_\---_

Severus had been avoiding Hermione since their last encounter, three weeks ago, not in Dumbledore’s legendary closet but at the Whomping Willow tree. That particular night had been awful, and it reminded him of two things : 1) How much he hated Sirius Black. 2) How many weaknesses he had.

He had followed the golden trio down the magical Beech tree to protect them from Sirius and Pettigrew, knowing they would most likely put them in danger. As soon as he had set foot in the bedroom of the Shrieking Shack, he pointed his wand at Sirius before checking that his three students were alright. However, his long-time enemy’s voice had brought his attention back to his wand, applying pressure on the man’s neck. It had taken him a lot of willpower not to kill him in that instant. He wanted nothing more but to eliminate the man who had bullied him and helped James to drive Lily away from him. He had been seeking revenge for so long. It would have been so easy to _avada_ him. But a part of him couldn’t. Not in front of Hermione and not in front of Lily’s (=Harry’s) eyes. He didn’t want them to think he was a murderer. He wished he hadn’t glanced at Hermione and seen the fear in her eyes. He had no doubt she would consider him a monster if he had killed Harry’s godfather. So instead, he had promised to offer Sirius as a present to the dementors.

At some point, he had told the students “after you”, tilting his head towards the door, urging them to leave the room.

What he hadn’t expected was for Harry to cast an _expelliarmus_ at him. He was a spy for Merlin’s sake. He was used to thinking three moves ahead. Yet, he hadn’t seen it coming because he was too busy examining the small cuts on Hermione’s cheekbone and bottom lip.

He remembered falling onto the bed, paralyzed. He still couldn’t get why. This symptom was not normal occurrence after an _expelliarmus._ He might have lost consciousness for some minutes, because when he was able to move again, he found himself alone in the room, wiping blood from his forehead.

He then made it to the surface of the Whomping Willow tree, ready to hex Potter and catch both Sirius and Pettigrew. But when he spotted the three Gryffindors and the terrified look on their faces, he knew something bad was coming. He had turned around just in time to see the werewolf, charging at them. Protectively, he had swept the trio behind him, but Lupin had finally attacked them, knocking them on the ground. In his fall he had made sure to keep the witch safe, behind his body. As they got up, he could feel Hermione, holding him tight. She was scared, which meant she had lied to him when she had said that when she was with him, she wasn’t afraid of anything.

Then, Sirius’ Animagus form had distracted the wolf. And when the dog disappeared, Harry had wanted to follow him, stepping out of Severus’ protective arms. Severus had ordered him to come back but the stubborn impertinent swine had run away anyway. He knew Hermione would want to go after his best friend, but he simply couldn’t let her go. So, he had tightened his grip on her shoulders, hoping she wouldn’t blame him too much for keeping her away from Potter.

His need to protect her - more than Potter, Weasley or anyone else – had clouded his judgement and ability to think straight. If it hadn’t been for her and her facial injuries, none of that would have happened. He would have been able to prevent Harry from casting _expelliarmus_ and would have caught Sirius and Pettigrew.

Since then, Severus had determined that Hermione was a liability to him and that he had to distance himself from her.

Little did he know that his plan was about to fail miserably…

\---

“Ah! Severus, Remus ! I’m glad to see you there,” Minerva said as she made her way to the High Table, where her colleagues were having lunch.

“I’m not,” Severus replied deadpan.

Minerva rolled her eyes before turning to Lupin. “Do you think you could supervise detention tomorrow night for one of my Gryffindors?”

Severus couldn’t help but interfere with a sarcastic comment. “My, my! Are you insinuating that your students are not all exemplary and perfect?”

Minerva shot him a murderous glare before turning her attention back to the DADA Professor.

“I’m sorry Minerva but I can’t. Unfortunately. Tomorrow is full moon”, Professor Lupin answered regretfully.

The witch nodded in sympathy. “Oh, no worries Remus. Just make sure to take your Wolfsbane potion this time,” she warned remembering the dreadful night’s events.

“Of course. Don’t worry. Severus had the great amiability to prepare enough potion for me to last at least a semester”.

“I’m not doing it for you,” Severus snapped. “I know you’re not familiar with this notion, but as a teacher, it is my responsibility to protect my students and _yours_ apparently”.

“Enough Severus!”, Minerva reprimanded.

Severus snorted. “Since he can’t do his job properly, I’ll supervise the detention tomorrow night. I already told you I was willing to do it anyway this morning. How many students are there?”

“Only one. Hermione Granger.”

“What?!”, Severus and Remus asked in disbelief.

“You heard me perfectly. I gave Hermione Granger two hours of detention for verbal transgressions”.

“We’re not talking about the same Hermione-,” Lupin said. “She is the most polite and well-mannered student I’ve seen in ages”.

“Given the fact you’ve only been teaching for one year, I assume she’s one of a kind then,” Severus challenged his colleague.

Minerva rolled her eyes. “She _is_ usually polite and well-mannered, but I think she’s going through a _lot_ lately”. She had emphasized the last bit of her sentence shooting a suspicious look at Severus.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”, Lupin asked concerned.

“Don’t attempt to kill her, for starters,” Severus answered sharply. Remus ducked his head in shame which made the Potions Master smirk.

“Severus Tobias Snape, you’re an evil man!”, Minerva commented.

Severus snorted. “Yet, I’m the one supervising _your_ student’s detention and clearing your schedule, allowing you to take a nice bubble bath. You should thank me”.

“I will thank you once you have a serious conversation with the girl and calm her down.” She gave him a pointed look, before leaving the Great Hall.

Severus followed soon after, muttering under his breath. _Of all students, it has to be Granger ! Bloody hell. Why don’t things ever go my way, eh? “Calm her down,” easy to say ! The girl is like a broken fan stuck on “on” and blowing mixed feelings all over the place. Three weeks ! I only left her for three weeks and she turned into an insolent troublemaker. I failed that girl._


	7. Stubborn as fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “So, it was your blood I wiped off my forehead.” It was not really a question. It sounded more like an affirmation or a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning readers !  
> I hope you're doing great?  
> Thank you for your kudos and constructive feedback. Feel free to comment. ;)  
> \---  
> Here's Chapter 7.  
> It would be less legible without the precious help of my beta-reader. Thanks Laura!

**Chapter 7 –Stubborn as fuck.**

The previous night had been short for both. Severus had been summoned and had to endure Bellatrix’ sadistic caprices for hours, resulting in a lot of scratches and muscle pain in his leg.

As for Hermione, she hadn’t been able to close her eyes, dreading her detention with Professor Lupin.

On her way to the Great Hall, she heard Professor McGonagall call her name.

“Miss Granger!”

“Good morning Professor, is there something I can help you with?”

“No, no dear. I just wanted to let you know that Professor Lupin can’t supervise detention tonight”.

“Oh? But I still have detention, right?” 

“Of course, you are! You’ll just spend it with Professor Snape.” 

Hermione’s eyes lit up immediately. “ _Oh_ …” It looked like her initial plan was finally working out. She couldn’t help but flash a smile, which didn’t go unnoticed by her Head of House.

“If I were you Miss Granger, I wouldn’t get too excited about detentions nor make it a habit”.

Suppressing the smile on her face, she sobered. “You’re right. Sorry. It won’t happen again. Lesson learned”.

“Good. Then, have a good day”. Minerva kept walking down the corridor, leaving Hermione raise her arms in victory.

Proud of herself, Hermione entered the Great Hall for breakfast and immediately noticed the vacant seat of the Slytherin Head of House. _If only you knew how cunning my plan was Professor_ … If the sorting hat could see what she had done and said those past few weeks, no doubt it would have changed its mind and sort the witch into the green and silver house.

A little while later, as the mail arrived, Severus finally walked into the Great Hall. Hermione frowned in worry at the way he was favouring his right leg but was quickly distracted by the hideous sweater Mrs. Weasley had sent to her younger son.

\---

_-Later that day -_

The moment had come, and Hermione was waiting in front of Professor Snape’s classroom, clueless about what she’d have to do during her detention.

Fortunately, her ignorance was quickly countered by the commanding tone of her Potions Professor, shouting through the door.  


“Come in Miss Granger! As you’ve inexplicably managed to get detention, you will brew a _Blemish Blitzer_ potion. It should take you a bit less than two hours to complete it. I expect no less than perfection. You can start now”.

Hermione had entered the classroom quietly and had listened very carefully to his instructions, but before starting to work on her potion, she wanted to have a conversation with him. “Hold on Professor. First, I want to apologise on behalf of Harry for casting an _expelliarmus_ at you the other day”.

Severus stiffened at the memory. “The reason why you systematically feel the need to apologise for the foolish actions of your best friend is beyond my understanding”.

Hermione ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I just wished he hadn’t used my wand against you”.

 _Oh, so the little toe rag had taken Hermione’s wand. That is why the spell had been so powerful and paralyzed me for a moment._ Severus had studied the power of wands enough to know that a spell cast - against you - by the wand of someone you trust, can have an exponential effect. _Damn!_ His thought process was interrupted by the witch’s _mea culpa_.

“Had I known he would grab it from my front jeans pocket then-”

He cut her off and pinched his nose in exasperation. “Granger! Think! Why would you keep your wand in your front pocket where everybody can reach for it or see it?” Severus snapped.

“I know! It was dumb of me!”, she sighed, “where do you hide yours?”

“In my sleeve, where it should always be!” He shook his head, in disbelief. “I can’t believe Lupin didn’t tell you that in his very first lesson!”

“Yeah, well truth be told I’d rather have _you_ as a DADA Professor. How is it that we learn way more in an hour with you, than during an entire semester with any other Professor?”

Severus snorted and shrugged. “Go say that to the Headmaster. The old man keeps rejecting my application for the position of DADA teacher and prefers hiring averagely bad novices instead”.

Severus walked from his desk to the storage room, unconsciously grimacing at every step he took. Hermione noticed it and couldn’t help but ask, “are you alright?” Severus shot her a quizzical look. “I mean, are you still experiencing some pain from the spell? I checked on you that day. You were temporarily knocked out, but otherwise I did not see apparent physical injuries. So, I just cast a clean pillow to put under your head, so you could be more comfortable -”

 _She took time to conjure a bloody pillow to make me feel more comfortable… What is wrong with her?_ Sensing that Hermione had no intention of stopping ranting, he cut her off. “So, it was _your_ blood I wiped off my forehead.” It was not really a question. It sounded more like an affirmation or a conclusion. He remembered wondering where the blood had come from, given the fact he had no scratches at all. However, it still did not explain how it had gotten on his forehead.

The witch nodded, suddenly feeling uneasy, and started shifting on her feet. “Yes, it was my blood. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did. But I did it out of instinct or habit or whatever. I just did what my parents used to do when I was sick or injured, to reassure me and make it better-”.

Her panicked voice made him panic even more. “Did _what_? What have you done?!”

“I… I just pressed a kiss on your forehead”, Hermione admitted shyly, taking a step back from him.

“You what ?!” His usual baritone voice had slightly cracked into an upper hysterical range.

Hermione had never heard a sound like that, except maybe the day the Fat Lady had attempted to break a glass, singing opera. “I’m _so_ sorry. I wasn’t thinking-”

“Obviously!”, he snapped back at her. “Were you out of your mind?! Listen to me very carefully”, the rage in his eyes made her blood run cold, “you better hide that memory well because I have no intention of seeing it or letting someone else see it in your mind. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Professor,” she ducked her head in shame but quickly felt a surge of boldness hit her. “By the way, talking about occlumency… When will you stop avoiding me so we can keep working on-”

She didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence as Severus yelled “Witch, you are out of line! Start working on your potion. I don’t want to hear another word from you!”

Hermione sat at a work table and didn’t even bother to open her book as she already knew, by heart, all the ingredients and steps for this brewing. When she saw Severus make his way out, she couldn’t help but ask “where are you going?!”.

Hand on the door handle and ready to go, he paused. “What did I just say?! Do I need to cast a _silencio_ charm?” Hermione shook her head negatively but raised her hand. Severus rolled his eyes. “Granger, I’m tired of your constant waving hand”. She shot him a death stare. “Not that it is any of your business, but to answer your question, I am needed at the Hospital Wing. I know you are inclined to pyromania, but I trust you are capable enough to stay here alone without blowing up the entire castle?” Hermione nodded. He opened the door, glancing one last time at the witch who still had her hand in the air. _Oh! for Merlin’s sake_ … The girl was really getting on his nerves. “What ?!”

“Shall I pick the required ingredients in the storeroom?” She knew he didn’t let anyone go in the storeroom. He usually set the required ingredients on a shelf in the classroom to avoid students brewing wrong ingredients and making a mess. But that shelf was currently empty.

“Help yourself,” he muttered, before leaving the classroom mumbling something that sounded like “can’t bloody stay alone with that insufferable know-it-all over-tactile satanic witch”.

\---

During her two-hour detention, Hermione had time to brew two complex potions simultaneously.

Snape had asked for only one potion, commonly used to get rid of acne. As she didn’t have acne at all, she didn’t take it personally nor think of some hidden message behind that request. However, she couldn’t help being disappointed by the meaningless purpose of that potion.

_People out there – people like Professor Snape – could use healing potions. We are at war. He is injured and visibly in pain. I could brew something to help him but no! He makes me brew a bloody acne-removal antidote!_

After preparing and cutting all the ingredients required for the _Blemish Blitzer,_ the wheels in her mind started turning as she thought about another healing potion she could brew at the same time as the acne-treatment. _Essence of Dittany!_ Eureka! As soon as the brilliant thought had crossed her mind, she went to grab the required ingredients and started working on the second potion.

Snape only returned when he was sure she would have time to finish her potion, to avoid unnecessary talking or contact with the young woman who would – no doubt – keep torturing his mind day and night.

Upon noticing a second vial next to the _Blitzer_ ’s one, he frowned. “What is that?!”

She gulped, perceiving the anger in his voice. “A potion. Another one. _Essence of Dittany_ ”.

“I know what it is!”, he snapped, “-I could recognize that potion with my eyes closed! Did I ask for another potion, though?”, he scowled.

Hermione shook her head. “No. You did not”.

“That’s what I thought. Ten points from Gryffindor for brewing an unnecessary additional potion and wasting ingredients by doing so,” he snapped, before disappearing in the storage room.

Hermione cast an _evanesco_ to clean both her cauldron and working table and quickly wrote something on a piece of parchment that she attached to the _Essence_ vial.

She put the two vials on his desk muttering in frustration. _You don’t deserve this, you stubborn twat_.

A minute later, when he didn’t return, she took it as her clue to leave.

When he heard the door of the classroom being slammed shut, he exhaled loudly and finally left the store. Approaching his desk, he took the _Blitzer_ vial in his hand to examine her work, although he already knew it would be nothing but perfect. Concluding that it was indeed perfect, he took the other vial and noticed the piece of parchment. He read:

 _“For your leg._  
_Yours sincerely,_  
_H (but not Harry)”_

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her untypical- _now typical_ way of signing. Flicking the vial between his fingers, he exhaled loudly. He didn’t want to acknowledge the touching gesture of his student. She cared enough to notice his injured leg; an injury he had barely noticed himself or had been subconsciously ignoring. She cared more about him than anyone else ever had - including himself - and had taken the time to brew him a healing potion that could regrow skin over his leg’s wound.

He sighed in frustration, folding the piece of paper, and sliding it inside the pocket of his teaching robes. A part of him secretly wished he had been conscious to be able to feel the kiss and remember it. He couldn’t think of a time someone had shown as much sympathy towards him as she kept doing. _Little insufferable know-it all, can’t you see I don’t deserve your kindness..._ Pushing that thought aside, he started marking some fifth-year essays. In a lazy swift movement of his hand, he wrote the words “mediocre at best” and some variations like “unbelievably atrocious” or “barbarically awful” on most of the copies.


	8. GHB stands for “Great Hope of Bedding you”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Did you just give me a compliment?” She looked at him in disbelief. “Shit. You must be dying”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning readers,  
> I hope the lockdown situation in your country is almost over, and that you're all safe and healthy.
> 
> Thank you to my beta readers and thanks for your support.
> 
> Here's chapter 8. Enjoy!

**Chapter 8 – GHB stands for “Great Hope of Bedding you”**

The next morning, the students were waiting for Snape to arrive in his classroom. That was a first. He was never late, which made Hermione’s heart fill with worry. When five minutes had passed and still no sign of the Potions Master, the students started cheering up except Hermione, who was biting her lip nervously, until Professor McGonagall came in.

“Good morning everyone, Professor Snape called in sick”. Hermione’s heart clenched. What if she had poisoned him with the healing potion she had brewed for him, during her detention? What if she had missed a step in the brewing process? What if she had forgotten an ingredient? _No, that is not possible_. She had been extra careful and surely Professor Snape would have noticed if something were wrong with the potion and he wouldn’t have drunk it. She tried to push her worry aside and focus on Minerva’s words. “Therefore, class is dismissed today. Enjoy your free-time to work on your mid-term papers!”.

The Transfiguration teacher quickly left, and Harry looked at Hermione and Ron in disbelief “Snape, sick?! What the hell?”

Worried, Hermione stood up and muttered “I gotta go”.

Surprised by the urgency in her voice, Harry and Ron looked at her strangely, as she hurried to pack her backpack and quickly ran away.

Hermione rushed towards Snape’s quarters and knocked at his door. He wasn’t answering. She ran to the hospital wing, dreading that he’d be there, lying unconscious on one of the beds but once she got there, Madam Pomfrey had assured her that she hadn’t seen Professor Snape since last night, at dinner.

“Don’t worry my Dear. I’m sure he is fine,” she told Hermione.

“But Professor McGonagall said he called in sick…”

“Severus, calling in sick?” she chuckled, amused, “now that’s a lie. In more than 15 years, I have never seen him call in sick or take a vacation or a day-off”.

“Exactly!” Hermione nodded. “There’s something wrong. I can tell. What if he’s somewhere dying? What if he has been -”, she was going to say “summoned” but refrained just in time “- _called_ away and needs help or medicine”. At that point Hermione was rambling and panic filled her voice.

“Miss Granger, you need to calm down dear!” The nurse patted Hermione’s shoulder in comfort. “Do not worry. I know him well. If he’s hurt, he will come to me as he always does when he needs medicine or help,” she said reassuringly. “Perhaps you could ask Minerva for more information? I’m pretty sure ‘calling in sick’ was a pretext for something else”.

 _Duh_ , she had already figured _the pretext_ out “You’re right, I’m going to ask Professor McGonagall”. That was her next move anyway. “Thank you”.

“You’re very welcome. And don’t worry, Severus is a warrior. That man has survived everything. He’s not about to give up now”. Madam Pomfrey’s reassurance didn’t do its job as Hermione left the hospital wing in a state of panic, desperately trying to catch her Head of House before she had class.

\---

“Professor McGonagall wait!”, she exclaimed stopping the Transfiguration teacher right before she entered her classroom.

“Miss Granger, what is it?”, she raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you supposed to get ready for your DADA class?”

“Yes, but I need to know that Professor Snape is safe”. The look on the professor’s face was one of pure shock. “You said he called in sick? Is that true or was it just a pretext? Is he alright? Can I see him? I _need_ to see him! Please, tell me he hasn’t been …you know… _called_ ”, she was rambling frantically and almost used the word _summoned_ again, which would have potentially blown his spy cover.

Upon feeling her distress, Minerva cast a _muffliato_ charm and took Hermione’s hands in hers. “Slow down Miss Granger and hear me out,” she requested. “I take it that Professor Snape informed you about his _condition_ ”. The young witch nodded. “Dear Lord... Then, yes, I think he has been _called_ indeed -”, Hermione’s eyes widened in fear but her Professor patted her hand reassuringly and continued, “- but there is no need to worry. There’s nothing you or I can do about it.” Hermione shook her head in denial. “That’s what we’re going to do: you are going to go to class and do your best to focus on your work and not think about Professor Snape’s condition, alright?”.

Hermione was agitated. “No! I can’t. I need to know he is alright! Professor, you don’t understand! I…”.

“Oh tut-tut, I understand perfectly well Miss Granger,” she said cupping Hermione’s chin so she could look her in the eyes. “You care for him. You have feelings for him, and not just random feelings, am I wrong?” Hermione shook her head negatively and Minerva exhaled “Blimey! I thought so. Miss Granger… believe me when I say there is nothing, we can do for him at the moment. You will make sure to attend all your classes, because that’s what Professor Snape would want you to do and I promise to let you know as soon as he gets back.”

Hermione nodded, blinking away some tears and breathed “Ok. Ok. I can do that.” Minerva uncast the _muffliato_ and let go of Hermione’s hands but Hermione quickly grabbed her Professor’s wrist and whispered “Professor, when he gets back, can I … could I … stay with him. For a bit? Just in case he needs something. I mean I just want to make sure he is alright and doesn’t need medical attention”.

The Gryffindor Headmistress raised a questioning eyebrow. “Miss Granger, what are you asking me exactly?”

“Could you, perhaps, excuse me from dinner and curfew tonight?”, she pleaded.

The Headmistress rolled her eyes “He won’t like that, you know? When he comes back from _there,_ he’s usually exhausted and a thousand times more grumpy than usual. When he returns, he tends to seek peace and quiet. You need to understand that your presence will more likely annoy him.”

“Yes, I know, but I want to be there… for _him-_ ”, she huffed, “- someone must, goddamn it!”

Minerva shot a disapproving look at her student. “No need to swear Miss Granger”.

“I apologise”.

“Because he will be exhausted and annoyed, he might say things that he doesn’t mean. You need to be prepared for that, and not take any of his nasty jibes or sarcastic comments personally. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Hermione nodded.

“Good, then suit yourself Miss Granger. I will make an exception and give you the right to stay out of bed beyond curfew. But you eat something!” The student nodded. “And if you, or Severus, need anything or if he requires medical attention, you come to me or Poppy immediately, am I clear?”

Hermione nodded once more. “Thank you and please let me know when he’s back”.

“Will do Miss Granger. Now go to class. You’re two minutes late already,” she warned.

“Right. Sorry. I’m going now. Thank you”. Hermione left her Professor and went to her DADA class. As expected, she couldn’t focus on anything but _him_.

\---

When her last lesson of the day ended, she packed her backpack and made her way to the Gryffindor common room. She was about to address the Fat Lady portrait, when she heard Professor McGonagall call her name at the bottom of the stairs.

Sprinting to her, Hermione asked out of breath, “is he alright? Is he back?”

Minerva smiled at the young witch and cast a _muffliato_ “For Merlin’s sake, calm down! He is not back yet but he has just sent a message to Dumbledore, letting him know that he’d be back around 9pm and that, therefore, we shouldn’t expect his presence at dinner”.

“Ok-”, Hermione exhaled, “- So, at least we know he’s alive; I mean we’re sure he was the one to send the message, right?”

“Hear me out Miss Granger. The man you’ve set your heart on is tough as old scotch whisky”. Hermione smiled slightly. “He’s still very much alive. Now if you need to see it for yourself, I suggest you discreetly wait for him after dinner, around his quarters, but remember what I’ve told you earlier about his _post-summon-shitty-mood,_ ” she said with a knowing look.

“Right. I will. Thank you … for everything. I know how much you care about him too”.

McGonagall nodded. “The man is like a son to me”.

“I promise that my feelings are true and honourable. I only wish him well, you know?” Hermione felt the need to reassure her Professor.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. I’m more concerned about you”. Hermione raised an eyebrow in question “Severus is not used to receiving _affection_. I would say that he is quite scared of it. Mostly, because it is foreign territory. It will require a lot of patience and self-control on your part, because the man is way too stubborn and clumsy, if you hadn’t noticed yet”.

“I did-”, Hermione smiled, “-and I wouldn’t have him any other way”.

McGonagall smiled at her and un-cast the _muffliato_ before taking points from a first year Slytherin who was playing with his wand.

\---

Hermione had been waiting in front of his quarters for two hours, but still no sign of him. After debating whether to do it or not, she _alohomora’d_ his door afraid that she might have missed his return or that he might have passed out or worse died. By chance she found out the password leading to his quarters! _Aeternum Asphodel_. _That was an easy guess_ , Hermione thought, when the door opened at her first try. However, the five other restricting charms he had conjured had nothing to do with luck. She still managed to pass all of them, using rather complex logic and not so common sense. _Control freak,_ she muttered after finally making it inside.

The quarters were empty. No sign of her Potions professor. Curiosity was tempting her to explore every room and look at every single book displayed on the shelves, but she restrained herself and went back to the corridor instead, locking the door behind her. She sat on the floor, back against the door, waiting for him.

At 11pm, he finally apparated but could barely stand. He was weak, drunk, bleeding like he had been tortured.

Horrified, Hermione was by his side in a second, desperately trying to steady him “Professor!” He fell on his knees, barely conscious. “No! No! Come on Severus!”, she tried to wake him up, but he was barely conscious. “Severus, you need to open your eyes _for_ _me_ ”. He blinked at her once. “Ok, alright stay with me, I’ve got you-”, but Severus was losing consciousness again, “-hold on, I’ve got you. Stay with me!”

Despite her panic state, she managed to _alohomora_ the door again and carried him inside with the help of a _levicorpus_ spell. She laid him on his bed, took off his shoes, his robes and rolled-up the sleeves of his shirt. Then she cleaned-up the cuts, patched-up his injuries and examined his Death Eater tattoo for a long moment. She hated the meaning of it. Deep down, she knew that he would never be totally free as long as he bore that mark. Angry at the Dark Lord and his servants for hurting the man she loved, she tried to cast a variety of spells to remove it, to no avail. Instinctively, she went to the bathroom and opened a cabinet that contained multiple vials. She picked two of them and went back to his side. She gave him both healing and hangover potions, cast an _evanesco_ at the mess he had made and sat on the floor next to him, hoping he wouldn’t die. At some point around 3am, she fell asleep.

He woke up a couple of hours later, feeling groggy. In a second his eyes flew open in alarm. He tried to remember the past events and panicked at the realization of what had happened last night at the Malfoys’ manor. He took in his surroundings and felt a bit relieved _. Alright I’m in my quarters. Hang on! How did I get here?_ He looked at his aching leg _. Bandage? What the hell? Why a bandage when Essence of Dittany can do the job? ... Oh. Right. I had no vials left.”_ Then he felt something hot. A weight on his hand. He looked at his hand and saw another hand on top of his. He withdrew his hand immediately and inspected what (or worse who!) was holding him. And there she was, Hermione Granger, asleep on the floor, holding his hand. _Bloody hell!_ The fact that they were both fully clothed somehow reassured him a tiny bit. _At least I’m not some creepy old pedophile bastard._

He knew that someone would notice the student missing, if not already. She couldn’t be here. She was supposed to be in her bed. He needed to wake her up. _How?_ He contemplated various options but settled for the most straight-forward.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”, he screamed in her ears. The effect was quite efficient and immediate.

Hermione was up in an instant, her wand pointing at the potential threat, ready to fight. When she realized it was _him_ she was pointing at, she withdrew her wand. “Good morning to you too! I’m glad your near-death experience hasn’t affected your great amiability,” she commented sarcastically.

However, Severus was not in the mood for pleasantries. “Answer my question Granger! What did you do to me? Don’t make me look into your memories,” he threatened.

“Be my guest, but you won’t like what you see,” she retorted. “Short version: I was worried sick about you. I came to visit. You were not there. I’ve waited. You apparated at 11pm, obviously drunk, confused and bleeding. I knew you wouldn’t want me to drag your sorry ass to Madam Pomfrey, but I just couldn’t leave you in this state either. If I did, I’d be in Azkaban for non-assistance to a wizard in danger. So, I took care of you, carried you inside, cleaned-up your wounds, took off your shoes, gave you some energizer, healing plants, invigorating potions, and I patched-up your leg. By the way, why on Earth would you lack _Essence of Dittany_?

Angry that she had taken such liberties with him - and mainly angry at himself for letting her see him in such vulnerable state - he snapped, “Who the hell do you think you are?!”

With something comparable to genuine rage, she answered, “A moron, obviously! I should have given you GHB, at least I would have enjoyed your company! I guess I missed my chance. I could have made my dreams come true”. She crossed the room, ready to leave but then turned back to face him, tears threating to fall. “Oh! By the way, you peed yourself in your sleep. I had to cast an _evanesco-_ ”, she burst in tears as she said, “- unfortunately, it hasn’t removed the black disgusting stain spread on your forearm! And God knows I’ve tried to remove this bloody dark mark! I really, REALLY tried, till I had no strength left!”, she cried.

 _Oh no, Hermione, why did you even bother?_ He stared at her in complete disbelief; ashamed and secretly touched by her devotion. She was a wreck and he was entirely responsible for her current emotional break-down. At some point, she managed to breathe and compose herself. Then she kneeled before him.

Alarmed and scared he took a step back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I need to change your bandage”.

Pulling her violently to her feet, he said “I think you’ve done more than enough!” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, but he couldn’t control himself. He was not deserving of her affection and certainly didn’t want her to pity him or nurse him.

“Ok,” she said but made no move to leave. She kept standing in front of him, waiting for something to happen. “Then, go ahead!” He blinked at her, not understanding what she was expecting. “What are you waiting for?! Do it!”, she yelled.

Completely ignorant, he matched her frustrating tone “DO WHAT?!”

She dropped her arms to her side in irritation. “What you do best... drive people away from you! You’re obviously going to obliviate me, so do it already!” Through tears, she managed to say “Go on! I’m ready.”

Severus felt bad. He was indeed going to obliviate her. He had just planned to do it once she had her back turned, to avoid seeing the hurt in her eyes. “Lord, you truly are the smartest most annoying witch of your age, you know that, don’t you?”

Unable to process his words, she spluttered. “Wha - what? Did you just give me a compliment?” She looked at him in disbelief. “Shit. You must be dying”. Her eyes filled with worry again. She started panicking and raised her wand to his forehead, ready to check his temperature. When he lowered her wand and smiled, she asked “seriously, are you dying?!”

Snape smirked. “No. But now that I _indeed_ gave a compliment, I’m sure you understand that I have no other choice but obliviate you. Otherwise, it would go against my reputation of an old greasy git prick potion Master, wouldn’t it?”

She rolled her glistening eyes and managed a smile. “Smooth. Really smooth Snape!” With assurance and determination, she then told him “I’ll find a way to make new memories of us anyway…. So, go ahead.”

Snape got closer to her and looked at her solemnly. “Not before I get the chance to do that”. He then pulled forward to kiss her lips gently.

Shocked, she first looked at him with goo-goo eyes and then whined. “You sadistic bastard, you’re going to erase this memory as well, aren’t you?!”.

His bright smile said it all. She just got time to give him the death stare before he obliviated her memories from the past eight hours. The spell was so strong that she passed out. _She must have skipped dinner,_ Snape thought. There was no doubt for him that the lack of nutrition had contributed a lot to her fragile state. He carried her into her dorms without being noticed, before laying her on her bed. He then cast a clothes-swapping spell to change her into her night gown, not without taking a rather-long glance at her exposed body, thinking how much she had grown up and became a young sexy woman. Oh, if there was hell, he was headed straight there for this thought alone.

He kissed her temple and whispered in her ear _“_ It’s for the best. Thank you, _Hermione_ ”. And just like that, he was gone.

Once back in his quarters, he splashed some water on his face before looking in the mirror. _You sick son of a bitch! How could you do that to one of your students? She took care of you and you just snapped at her, made her cry, kissed her without asking permission and then obliviated her._ He ran a hand through his hair. _What kind of man am I? … I’m following the Tobias Snape tradition, I guess…_ That thought made him feel nauseous. I _was too drunk to even notice her presence. Terrible things could have happened. I could have hurt her or worse._ He punched his reflection in the mirror. _You’re such a pig! Leering at your sleeping student on top of that… what a pathetic move Snape!_ Severus took deep breaths. _Well, technically she was the one to bring up the GHB subject, and admitting she fancied me weeks ago. How could she? How on Earth could a young-sexy-bright-student have affection for a creepy old bastard like me? That defeats logic in the greatest way,_ he pondered.


	9. It’s not Oedipus complex; it’s Severus complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt : Hermione looked him in the eyes, silently pleading that her gut was right and that he wouldn’t hurt her. At least, not intentionally. “Make me”, she said in a challenging tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Potterheads!
> 
> Despite lockdown, I hope you're enjoying your summer?  
> It's vacation time for me (finally!), so there won't be any update next week. But I'll come back sooner than you think. :)  
> \---  
> Here's chapter 9. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta-reader, Laura: you rock!

**Chapter 9 – It’s not Oedipus complex. It’s Severus complex.**

Hermione woke up in her bed and checked her alarm clock. _10am?! Shit! What day is it? Did I miss class, did I oversleep?! No, no no!_ Agitated, she jumped out of bed and immediately felt dizzy.

“Hermione are you okay?”, Ginny asked, worried.

“I …Yes…I think I am… Don’t we have class?”

Ginny looked at her suspiciously. “Hmm no, it’s Saturday and today it’s Quidditch day so we don’t have exams. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Erm… I’m not sure. Did I miss breakfast?”

“Well, yes. But I brought you some muffins and a glass of pumpkin juice”. Ginny handed the food to Hermione who smiled in appreciation.

“Thank you, Ginny. You’re the best”.

“Oh, by the way, Professor McGonagall asked after you”.

“She did? Why would Prof-”, and then she remembered. _Snape!_ “Oh Snap! Ginny, look at me! -”, she put the food aside and grabbed her ginger friend by the shoulders, “- Did Professor McGonagall say anything about Professor Snape?”

Surprised, Ginny quirked up an eyebrow. “Erm… no… why?”

“Was Professor Snape at breakfast?”

“I don’t know… I didn’t look for him so-”

Frustrated, Hermione sighed and tightened her grip on her friend’s shoulders, shaking her. “Ginny, think! It’s very important. Perhaps you heard his voice, taking points from your brothers or something?”

“Oh, now that you mention it, yes! He was at breakfast. When he noticed you were missing, he even told Harry to tell you that you shouldn’t stay _that_ late at the library if you weren’t capable of handling early mornings.”

_Oh._ _At least he’s alive. And he noticed that I was missing. So, he might care for me too, right?_ “I didn’t go to the library last night though. Did I?” _No. She remembered waiting for him in front of his quarters and then…_ She had no idea. _Think Hermione, think. What happened last night?_ She had absolutely no recollection.

“Aren’t you a bit obsessed with Snape lately?” Ginny asked.

The question hit Hermione close to home. “It’s Professor Snape and I’m not obsessed with him!” She wished she hadn’t snapped back at her friend the way she did, but Severus Snape would always be a sore subject.

“Okay, if you say so… It’s just that, sometimes, you seem to forget what a git he really is”.

“And you seem to forget that without him, your brother and crush would be dead long ago!”

Ginny’s eyes went wide but before she could say anything, Hermione grabbed her towel and made her way out of the dormitory.

\---

Feeling extremely tired and sore she went for a shower and then met her friends outside, before the big Quidditch match. Both girls apologised to each other and made their way, arm in arm to the stadium tribunes.

Later, while all other eyes were following the snitch, Hermione’s were scrutinizing her Potions master; not only because she meant to stare at him, but because she needed a focus and stable point to look at. She couldn’t look around without feeling extremely nauseous and dizzy and she knew there wouldn’t be a better stoic shape than Severus’ one. Even then, she was seeing him in duplicate.

_Two Severuses? It only means one thing: double trouble! I can barely manage one… so two: no, thanks! I shouldn’t be looking at him like that but I’m pretty sure that if I move now, I’m going to vomit._ Suddenly, Harry’s broom came into sight, momentarily blocking her view of her steady focal point and it was enough to make her sick.

Severus looked up at the sudden agitation coming from the Gryffindor stand only to see Hermione emptying her stomach’s content. _Oh shit!_ He stood up immediately, concerned. _Was I too strong with the obliviate spell? I don’t think so, I tried to be gentle. But what if I was too drunk to realise my own strength. Fuck._ He immediately cast a soothing non-verbal spell, trying to calm her nausea and the dizziness symptoms that sometimes occurred after magical obliviation. Within a minute, he saw her stand, already feeling better and apologising to her classmates for being sick. Minerva soon appeared right beside her, patting the girl’s shoulder reassuringly, followed by Madam Pomfrey. _Good. She should be alright._ Yet, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her.

Somehow, Hermione must have felt his gaze because at some point she stared back at him. They maintained eye contact for a good minute before Severus’ gaze suddenly dropped down to his forearm.

She noticed it and knew immediately what was happening. _He’s being summoned. Again. Two evenings in a row. He can’t go! Those wankers need to give him a rest. No one can possibly handle two consecutive nights with Voldemort._ She got agitated, which only made her feel woozy again. She had to close her eyes for a moment, knowing she would faint otherwise. When she opened them back, Severus was no longer in his spot and was nowhere to be seen.

\---

Hermione was worried sick. She had been waiting for him all evening. She was pacing in front of the Castles’ gates, when she finally heard a familiar voice in the dark hiss “Dammit!” In an instant, Hermione came to him and noticed his bleeding nose “Oh For the love of …What in Merlin’s name are you doing here, in the middle of the night?!”, he asked dismissively. The last thing he needed was a repetition of last night’s events.

Hermione seemed unfazed by his tantrum. “With all due respect, I could ask you the same, Sir”.

“With zero respect, I ask you to go back to your dormitory. NOW!”

“No”, she simply stated in a steady voice.

“Excuse me?”, he asked in a dangerous tone.

“I said no! I’m not leaving you. You’re hurt. Again. And obviously in pain. So, I’m not leaving you.”

“Bloody hell! That is none of your concern. Just go away! You really think you can help?”, he snapped.

Hermione cast a quick healing spell on his arm before telling him “I just did”.

Snape looked at his arm, feeling already way better than he had been a moment ago when he set foot onto Hogwarts’ grounds.

“Damn witch!”, he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” she smiled slightly.

“I never asked for your help!”

Ignoring his incendiary tone, she took a step closer to him “Well maybe, you should have.” 

Severus eyed her suspiciously as she moved towards him. When she touched his hand timidly, he assessed the gravity of the situation, yanked his hand away and took a step back from her. “Why are you desperately trying to get in trouble?”, he asked rhetorically.

Slightly hurt by his dismissal, she went automatically on the defensive. “Why are you desperately acting like a prick, eh?” She bit her bottom lip, ducking her head after meeting his dark gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it… it’s just so frustrating,” she huffed, dropping her arms by her sides.

Severus took in her posture and felt bad for her, but he had to put a stop to this student/teacher nonsense-fantasy. “Let’s pretend for a second that I didn’t hear you call your professor a _prick_ , may I ask, what exactly is- _”_ he quote marked her words _“-_ so frustrating that you can’t take one order as simple as GO AWAY?!”, he over-articulated the last two words.

“You!” she yelled instantly. Gesturing towards his bleeding nose she explained, “ _this_! You and your bloody injuries are frustrating. Listen, Sev-” she refrained “Ermm...Sir. If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were summoned by You-Know-Who and that the little shit beat the hell out of you”.

Snape gripped her wrist and twisted it with more force than he intended to, before looking into her eyes. “You know nothing about me witch!” Enraged, he emphasized “Not. A. Thing. You better mind your own business, otherwise you’ll be the one getting injured.”

Hermione didn’t move an inch and matched his serious look “Is that a threat?” she asked, “- because if it is, let me tell you one thing: I’m not scared of you. Do you hear me? I never believed in the sarcastic greasy git potion master character. I don’t buy it. You’re on hell of a powerful wizard, probably the best”. Out of habit, she pondered the accuracy of her statement and started thinking about powerful wizards. _Grindelwald, Dumbledore…_ _Okay, but Severus is still on the podium_. “If not, you’re still in the top three of the greatest wizards of all time. You are a great teacher, a life saver and probably the bravest man I’ve ever known. You could have anything you want. Anything and anyone. But at some point, in your life, you decided, or you’ve been forced, to live a lonely life. And you know what I think? -”, she asked rhetorically, “-No, you don’t because for some reason you haven’t used _legilimency_ on me in a long time but, I’m telling you! I think it’s a shame that someone as brilliant and smart as you, ends up alone, bleeding in the middle of the night, three times a week. For Merlin’s sake, you don’t have to be alone anymore!”

“Enough! You are crazy!”. He released her wrist and faked a disgusted look.

Holding back the tears, Hermione told him with determination “I’m crazy for you! If only you let me in. Just once in your life-”, she pleaded, “-let someone enter your life and help you deal with your darkest moments. You’re a good man. I know it. Don’t ask me how I know it. I just know. I promise not to nurse you or tell you what to do. Obviously, you know what you’re doing. I just want to be there when you return from hell, I want to be with you when you need a break from darkness and misery”.

He could use a break from darkness and misery. _That’s for sure,_ thought Snape. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t drag her into his miserable and impossible life as a Death Eater spy. He had to protect her, from himself. So instead of showing her appreciation, he kept doing what he did best: snap. “You are a foolish teenager, fantasising about what? What am I… to you exactly?! An obsession? A father substitute maybe?” As soon as his last words left his mouth, he knew he had gone too far. Seeing the hurt in her eyes, he expected her to run away, crying. But she didn’t.

She put on a brave face before answering “you are my favourite teacher and I’d be lying If I told you that I’ve never fantasised about you because, Christ...! I do. I dream of you more than is reasonably acceptable. But that’s beside the point. Point is, there’s nothing foolish about me. I care. I care about your stubborn genius ass! And I don’t want you to die! And I have no such thing as an Oedipus-father complex, for the record.”

_So, the mean card hasn’t worked. Maybe sarcasm will be more efficient_. Snape gave it a try. “I can’t believe that. Miss know-it-all fell madly in love with me. What did I do to deserve this? Lady Luck has a doubtful sense of humour”.

“Oh, quit the bullshit Snape, would you?” she snapped back. “I’m not leaving you”. There were some notes of finality in her statement. It seemed like she had no intention of leaving him in peace.

“Move”, he ordered firmly.

Quick order, quick rebellion. “No.”

“Move out of my way!” he repeated, eying her with a murderous glare.

“NO!” she yelled.

He was at loss. He grabbed his wand “I will ask it one last time before I hex you: Move. Out. Of. My. Way. NOW!”

Hermione looked him in the eyes, silently pleading that her gut was right and that he wouldn’t hurt her. At least, not intentionally. “Make me,” she said in a challenging tone.

Severus looked at her for a long moment, contemplating his next move. He was incapable of hexing her. He only said that as a threat, hoping that she’d get scared and leave once and for all. But she hadn’t. His brain kept telling him to obliviate the girl and send her back to her dormitory. Yet every other fibre in his body screamed otherwise. Next thing he knew, his lips crashed on hers.

The initial shock was almost immediately replaced by lust as Hermione deepened the kiss. She put so much feeling into that kiss, afraid that she wouldn’t remember it. She knew that Severus was most likely going to obliviate her as soon as they’d part away.

But it didn’t happen. When they parted, they were both panting, gasping for air. Severus looked at her swollen lips, horrified by what had just happened. He was incapable of thinking or doing anything else other than pleading for her to go. “Just go. Go now. Please.”

“I’m going… for now” she reassured him. Still feeling high from their kiss, she decided to push her luck and give him a quick peck on his cheek before saying “but I’ll be back. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. Get this in your thick brilliant sexy skull, once for all”.

Severus didn’t move and watched her leave. _Bloody hell! What the fuck did you do now? Kissing a student. AGAIN! I’m screwed._ He couldn’t help but blame himself. What he had been avoiding and repressing, had happened anyway because he had apparently been _careless and stupid_ and had let his urges get the best of him. At least, that’s what he thought. Little did he know that those urges were motivated by strong, deep, real feelings.


	10. Flattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “You need to leave Granger. I can’t promise that I won’t-”. He was once again stopped by her lips on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I'm back, as promised.
> 
> I hope you had a great week.  
> Here's chapter 10.
> 
> Thanks to my beta-reader, Laura.

**Chapter 10 – Flattered**

Neither Hermione nor Severus had slept after their encounter the previous night. Severus had felt the need to take three cold showers in between self-deprecating monologues, while Hermione had spent the night replaying the romantic scenery of their kiss in her mind.

They had started off the day by doing a pretty good job of ignoring each other during breakfast. Hermione feared that if she met his eyes, she’d see rejection in them. And Severus was afraid to see hope in hers.

However, in the afternoon, during Potions class, they found the task considerably more

difficult.

At some point, Harry had raised his hand to ask “Professor, when will you give us back our essays? You told us it would be yesterday”.

Severus sneered. _Insolent. Exceedingly arrogant, just like his father._ With disdain, he answered, “Really? Was that what I said? Don’t get too excited Potter. You might be _The-Boy-Who-Lived_ but don’t forget your second title”.

Harry frowned. “My second title, sir?”

“ _The-Boy-Who-Never-Scored-Better-Than-A-T,_ in Potions and at least five other subjects”. Harry clenched his fists into balls, while the rest of the class erupted in laughter. “As for not giving your essays back on time… let’s say that yesterday I had other fish to fry”.

At his choice of expression, Hermione chuckled. After making sure no one was paying attention to her except for Severus, she said “Flattered”. Severus scowled at her defiantly, but all she could manage in response was a massive grin.

At the end of the class, she waited for everyone to leave the room so she could talk to him.

Without turning towards her, he felt her presence. “Come on! I didn’t think when you first told me that I'd have to bear with you a long time, it actually meant ALL the bloody time!", he complained faking an exasperated tone.

Hermione smiled. “I just wanted to thank you.”

Severus raised a questioning eyebrow “For what?”.

Hermione felt her knees give way as she contemplated whether to play the bold card or not. She decided it was worth giving it a try. “For not punishing me after sticking my nose into your business or being out past curfew, and for not having taken advantage of the situation.”

Severus coughed weirdly, surprised by the last bit of her statement. Confused, he asked for clarification “Taken advantage of the _situation_? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you know-”, she trailed off. She was clearly intimidated but gathered her Gryffindor courage and kept going “-there are many reasons you could have been _mean_ to me”.

“Go ahead”, he urged her to elaborate. Taking him off-guard, Hermione moved around his desk. Severus froze in shock. Out of reflex, he cast a non-verbal _Disillusionment Charm_ around them but found himself unable to speak, move or act.

Eying him with both curiosity and lust, she explained “well you could have _obliviated_ me, but you did not”; she bit her lip briefly.

“And I’m clearly paying for my mistake now”, he muttered with a husky voice as she got closer - _and closer… and closer…and what the fuck is she doing?!_ – to him.

“I’m glad you didn’t. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather kiss under the moonlight,” she whispered in his ear.

_No. No. No. This is not good. This is… Oh Lord!... Why does she have to look at me like that_? Severus sat very still as the young woman looked at him solemnly. He wasn’t sure what to say. His body was once again reacting to her proximity. _Do not touch her. Do not. Don’t_ … _Oh screw it!_ He stared into her eyes as one of his hands came up to pull her closer. “Granger, you should probably leave” _._ If he weren’t so far gone and lost in her eyes, he’d probably laugh at himself for coming up with such poorly convincing words. Taking his wand from his sleeve, he waved it at the door to lock it. _I’m so stupid. I just asked the girl to go, yet I shut the door. What is wrong with me? Think, idiot! But how can I think though when she is so… oooh…desirable?_

She tilted her head before whispering “uh- uh…yes… I should probably leave-”, she leaned closer, slipping one arm around his neck “- but I don’t want to”.

Her tongue poked out to moisten her lips and he could no longer resist. He crushed her to him, his lips unerringly finding hers. They parted a minute later, way too quickly in Hermione’s opinion. He was a wonderful kisser, not to mention his rather talented hands that had not failed to touch every available area of her body: wrists, forearms, neck, face and the sliver of bare skin on display around her knees, between the hem of her skirt and the high band of her socks

She pouted at the loss of contact, and Severus couldn’t deny her another quick peck. “You need to leave Granger; I can’t promise that I won’t-”. He was once again stopped by her lips on his.

This time, she was the one to pull away. “Severus,” she whispered his name, causing him to groan, “I’d like to hear you say my name and maybe lay me on your desk”.

He groaned again. “You seem to know what you want but-”.

Hermione put a finger on his lips to hush him and winked. “ _No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise…_ or a purpose”, she said, remembering a quote from one of her favourite novelists. She also wanted to get back at Severus for using the _fish_ expression earlier. 

He smirked at her fish analogy. “Lewis Carroll”, he whispered catching the reference right away. He was fighting very hard not to take her request at its word and shag her brains out, right there on his desk. “I can’t, you’re still my student”. His hands moved gently over her back as he saw the disappointment and frustration build up in her eyes. “I want to… I _really_ want to. But I can’t”. She could read the raw emotion on his face. “Please Granger, please go now.”

She smiled sadly but let go of him. “Alright,” she caressed his cheek, “I’ll go for now. But I will be back.” She poked a finger into his chest. “And you should keep in mind that it’s almost the end of the academic year, so you might want to give me something - _anything_ really– to keep me from getting frustrated all summer,” she warned and kissed him on the top of his nose. “I’ll wait for you”. Before he had a chance to process what she’d said, she left.


	11. 8 weeks. 61 days. 1 460 hours. 5 256 000 seconds.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “Granger, the best part of holiday is not having to see students… especially Weasleys! Visiting is out of the question!” he answered categorically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning readers,
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and comments. Keep dropping them. They are appreciated. :)  
> Here's Chapter 11, enjoy!
> 
> Laura, you're one hell of a beta-reader ;)

**Chapter 11 –** **8 weeks. 61 days. 1 460 hours. 5 256 000 seconds.**

Sure enough, the end of the term arrived quicker than Severus would have thought. The week prior to the holidays, Hermione kept shooting daggers at him to remind him that she was there, waiting, for him to make a move.

He hadn’t been capable of doing anything after their steamy encounter. Part of him was still in shock. He couldn’t stop thinking about her but also couldn’t bring himself to play her _game._ _Because it must be a game, right?_ Severus was sure of it. _She can’t be serious. She simply can’t be attracted to me_. And as an honourable teacher, he was not going to give in to her seduction tactics anyway.

So, instead, he started every day by taking a cold shower, eating breakfast before she set foot in the Great Hall, and praying to the druids not to have a boner in class, just by looking at her or remembering their meeting.

However, on Thursday morning, Hermione was waiting for him, arms crossed, in front of his classroom. She knew he had class at 9am and she was determined to talk to him before.

When he spotted her, he almost turned on his heel but decided to put on a brave face and snapped “aren’t you supposed to be… _elsewhere_?” instead.

“Aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?” she got right back at him with a hint of insolence combined with sass.

Her tone was so suggestive he had to put her in her place “Granger, I suggest you watch your tone”.

“Or else what?” she asked, defiantly.

He opened the door of his classroom and looked at her with mixed feelings. “There are limits not to cross. _You,_ of all people, should understand that. You used to be a stickler for the rules…”

“I still am… if the rules are relevant and justified”.

“Forbidding teacher/minor-student relationship is a relevant and justified rule Granger! You could be accused of seeking good grades. I could be accused of harassing you or blackmailing you for good grades. Did you think about that, about what people would think, what your parents would think?”

She had not. She shook her head negatively and ducked her head, thinking about how her mother and father would react if they knew… “They would understand. They’d like _you_ ”.

“How could they? They don’t know me! And even if they did, they would never approve of whatever is going on between us, because I’m more than twice your age. They trust me to teach and protect you the best I can. That’s my role as a teacher and that’s who I want to be!” He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair.

The last part of his sentence came out a bit too sharp for Hermione’s liking. “You want to be my teacher, eh?! Then bloody act like it and teach me occlumency! We haven’t trained in weeks. How am I supposed to learn anything new and protect myself when you keep cancelling our sessions?” Her voice cracked and they both remained silent for a minute.

Then, Severus let her in and followed her into his classroom. He closed the door behind them and brought a hesitant hand to her face, tugging a hair strand behind her ear. “You know perfectly well why I cancelled our sessions”.

She nodded. “I’d like to hear you say it”.

He sighed and shrugged. “I didn’t want to distract you”. She raised a suspicious eyebrow, knowing there was more to that. “And you kept distracting me”, he admitted.

_That’s more like it._ She smiled sadly. 

“But you’re right, I should have kept teaching you occlumency. Meet me at 6pm for your lesson. I’ll tell you what to improve and how”.

“Alright, see you later then”.

She left the classroom, just in time to hear him say “see you later. Make sure to eat enough at lunch”.

\---

When she entered the training room that evening, Hermione was determined to show him the progress she had made. She didn’t sit or waste time chit-chatting and immediately locked eyes with him.

Her rushed behaviour surprised him, but he complied and dove into her mind after some decent level of resistance. “Way better”, he praised, before getting surrounded by an intense feeling of sadness emanating from her. He tried to ignore the feeling but couldn’t help being concerned. “I can see you’ve sorted your memories right. I can’t grasp any sensitive ones, despite applying a good amount of pressure… which is good. You’ve built great mental shields. You still need to strengthen them, of course, but I’m legitimately impressed by the progress you’ve made so far”. He was being honest but also hoped that complimenting her would somehow lighten her mood. When he perceived no change, he decided to act upon it. “You don’t have to tell me, but may I ask what is upsetting you?”

She blinked repeatedly at the stupidity of his question and broke off the connection by doing so. The sudden loss of contact gave her a terrible migraine and she held her head between her hands, groaning in pain.

“Granger! What have I told you about breaking eye contact?!” he scowled, worried and reaching for a vial of strong headache reliever. “Drink this”, he ordered opening the vial and bringing it to her lips. 

She did and handed him back the empty vial. “What is upsetting me?! You’re asking what is-,” she shook her head in disbelief, “- this morning you told me that nothing would happen between us…did you expect me to jump for joy?!”

_Oh_. He hadn’t seen that coming. _She’s sad because of me._ “I apologise. I didn’t mean to upset you”. Truth be told, he didn’t know it would affect her that much. Somehow, he had convinced himself that she would eventually come to her senses and get over it - over _him_ \- quickly.

“I know. It’s just… It’s not how I had envisioned our last days together, before the end of the term”, she confessed.

He quirked up his eyebrow in surprise. _Did she just say “envisioned?” Damn._ He felt sorry for ruining whatever plans she had in mind and suddenly felt the need to see a smile appear on her face. “And what exactly had you expected?... that we would wake up in bed together, cuddling and listening to Take That?”

It worked. The disgusted expression on his face made Hermione chuckle through glistening eyes, and the sound she made warmed up Severus’ heart. “No!” she laughed “I mean I would have _loved_ that but no”.

“Good! Because you should know that I despise cuddles as much as I despise these prepubescent so-called singers”.

“That’s because you haven’t properly cuddled with me yet!”, she smiled teasingly. However, when she noticed him gulp in discomfort, she dropped the smile.

“Where are you spending the summer break?”, he queried.

“Well… I can no longer spend it with you, can I?”

_Wait. ‘No longer’? That was her plan? Merlin, in what world does she live?!_ “Absolutely not”.

“Then, I’ll probably stay at the Burrow”. He nodded. “Could you at least let me know that you’re alive and safe?”

He rolled his eyes. “I will be fine. Do not worry”.

“I’m afraid that won’t do!” she snapped in a threatening manner. “I need to know that you’re alright. You could perhaps send me an owl...let’s say… every two days?”

He snorted. “I’m not sending you an owl-”, he answered, “-too risky and trackable”.

She nodded in understanding. “Then you could maybe visit once a week?”

“Granger, the best part of holiday is not having to see students… especially Weasleys! Visiting is out of the question!” he answered categorically.

Alright, but I’m serious. If you don’t want me to spend my summer chewing my lips in worry, I need to know you’re safe and sound…”.

_Damn witch! She’s good at emotional blackmailing._ “Alright, I’ll let you know”, he finally agreed.

She couldn’t help but smile “How?”

“I’ll find a way”.

“Promise?”

“Witch! I told you I will!”

“Ok”, she said happily. “Shall we resume training?” He nodded and they locked eyes again.

\---

Although she knew an hour had passed, Hermione didn’t want their session to end and kept asking him to invade her mind. Eventually, he stopped agreeing to do so and gently withdrew from her mind. “That’s more than enough for today. You did great”.

“Thank you”, she said sadly. When he made his way towards the door, she panicked. “Wait!”

He turned to face her and the next thing he knew, Hermione had her arms around his torso.

He stayed still for a moment but eventually pulled away. “No!” She refused to let him go.

“We need to go _now_ , if we don’t want people to notice we’re missing dinner,” he tried again but she tightened her grip.

She nuzzled her face in his robes. “Screw people and screw dinner!”

Truth be told, he didn’t want to let her go either. But he didn’t trust himself around her.

“Hermione…” This time, she let him go and looked at him with the most tender eyes. Hearing him finally use her first name made her heart skip a beat.

“Take care”, she ordered.

“You too. Enjoy the Burrow. The good thing about that place is that I don’t have to worry about you not eating enough”.

She smiled at the remark. “Let me guess, you’ve also experienced Molly’s game”.

Severus sneered. “If by ‘ _experiencing_ _Molly’s game’,_ you mean enduring an extravagant fattening banquet, twice a day, then _yes_ , I have”. Hermione laughed heartily. “Prepare to double your weight by the end of the holiday”.

“Not a chance,” Hermione guaranteed, “- on the contrary, I’m going to get fitter… so you won’t be able to resist me when the term begins”.

“Don’t”, he countered immediately. _You are perfect. And I can barely resist you as it is. “_ You are fit enough”, he stated before taking a step closer to look at her from head to toe. “Don’t ever change a thing. Not for me”.

She blushed and nodded in agreement. “Try to enjoy your break”.

_You wish! Holiday usually means Death Eater meetings and old-fashioned Bellatrix’s shindigs._ “Thank you. Travel safe and keep training regularly”.

She made her way to the door and whispered, “I’m going to miss you”, right before leaving.

That sentence hit him like a punch to the gut. Suddenly, it made the holiday separation real. It made him realise that he was not going to see her for a couple of months. _8 weeks. 61 days. 1460 hours. 87600 minutes, 5256000 seconds without her. Bugger!_ “I’m going to miss you too Hermione”, he whispered back but she was already out of earshot.

\---

Hermione had been at the Burrow for less than a week but was already counting down the days until the end of the summer break.

No matter how much her friends tried to keep her busy, she couldn’t stop worrying about her professor. She had been spending days waiting for news and hadn’t been able to sleep for fear of missing a signal or anything that could tell her he was doing fine.

Pacing in the guest bedroom, she cast a _muffliato_ and threw a tantrum at the wind. _He told me he’d give me some news! It’s been four days. Four entire days and nights and I still haven’t heard from him! I swear if I don’t receive a message in the next –_ she checked her watch – _ten minutes, I go for him!_

Nine minutes and fifty-five seconds later, as she was about to escape and go find him, Molly’s voice resonated through the house.

“Hermione, a package from your mom just arrived in the mail!”

_My mom? Great! So much for getting my hopes up…_ Hermione reluctantly went downstairs to take the package from Molly’s hands but frowned at it. _Weird._

“Is there something wrong dear?”, Molly asked.

“No… It’s just… I talked to my mom this morning and she didn’t mention any package”.

“Oh? Well, it must have escaped her mind”.

“Yeah… probably”.

“Open it”, Ginny ordered cheerfully.

Hermione examined the postal address and immediately recognized her mom’s handwriting. But somehow, something didn’t feel right. _How could she have known the address of the Burrow? I’ve never told her exactly where I was… And since when does she use regular stamps?_ Her mom was a philatelist and always came up with the most original stamps she could find. _Strange._

She opened the parcel and her eyes lit up with sheer joy. In it, was a book entitled _Alive_ , written by Laura Whiz and there was no doubt in Hermione’s mind that it came from Severus. She chuckled. _Smart, unequivocal, and witty._ He was very much alive, and he had let her know, as promised. _Muggle mail service is_ _the last thing Death Eaters would investigate. He must have cast a spell to forge my mom’s handwriting. Brilliant._ Hermione rolled her eyes in amusement. She could picture him laughing at his own choice of book. _Smart arse_ , she thought before finally releasing a breath she didn’t know she had been holding for days.

“You seem quite pleased with that book? Do you know the author?” Ginny asked, inspecting the cover.

“I am very pleased indeed. No, I don’t know her, but she’s got to be a brilliant author. Sev-,” she coughed and refrained “- My mom has great taste.”

\---

Four days later, Hermione received another book entitled _Not Dead Yet,_ by Ray Hambson. And four days later, another one called _Breathing_ , written by Janine Hiddleston. Just like that, Saturdays and Tuesdays became Hermione’s favourite days. She had, of course, already finished reading all of them by the time the next one arrived. In addition to having pragmatic titles, they were all well written and deeply inspirational.

She noticed a change of routine when she received the next ones. First, a biography of Lewis Carroll. It surprised her that he remembered the fact she loved that novelist. She was even more surprised to find some sticky notes in it. _He must have read it_. On some pages, she noticed that some lines were underlined. _Lewis Carroll was top of his class (…) always getting in trouble (…) too nice (…), passionate (…), noted for his facility at _[_word play_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_play) _, logic, and fantasy._ _(…) genre of _[_literary nonsense_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literary_nonsense) _._ She couldn’t help but make the parallel between Carroll and herself.

On the next Tuesday, she received one called _The Know-It-All._ This title didn’t make her laugh. _Ha. Ha. Very funny. Twat._ She still enjoyed reading it.

On Saturday, she got a thriller called _The intruder._ Sure enough, the main character was a young girl who kept putting her nose where it didn’t belong until she got murdered. Remembering all the times she had barged in where she was not invited, she quivered. _Bloody hell, that’s one way of sending me a message you moron!_ He couldn’t have been less subtle even if he had tried _._ Every chapters gave her chills and she couldn’t sleep the following night.

Another change of topic happened a week later when she received two books. One was called _How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you?_ and the other one _How not to be a dumb ass: a perfect book for your friends_ ”, by Luke Huntley. She shook her head at Severus’ childishness, fully getting the meaning behind those. _Git! I know you hate my cat and my friends but seriously?! How did you even find those?_ That was beyond her understanding.

\---

August came fast for Severus, who didn’t see the time fly by between the late-night meetings at the Malfoy’s Manor and the preparation of the new academic program. Truth be told, he had kept himself busy the best he could to not think about Hermione all night long. And during the day, he limited his thoughts to the selection of books he’d buy from Hatchards.

Part of him couldn’t wait to see her to ask if she had enjoyed her reading, but another part – a major part of him – feared to be alone in the same room with her again. The way he had dreamt of his student, during the first two nights of the holiday, had been nothing but inappropriate. Since then, whenever he closed his eyes, some images from that dream immediately appeared in front of his eyes. He hated himself for it. _She’s your student. She deserves better. Let her be. Be patient, and maybe…just maybe…in time, you will stop musing about her._ With that in mind, he bought a book called _The Art of Patience._

Three days later, Severus woke up with a jolt after dreaming that Hermione had kissed Sirius. He didn’t remember having such nightmares in the past, but the surge of jealousy running through his veins was real. The first thing he did that morning was to grab Lupin by the collar.

The no-longer DADA Professor was packing the rest of his boxes. “What the hell Severus?”, Moony asked surprised by the sudden assault.

“Where is your domestic pet? Does he plan on visiting Harry?”

Severus’ cold glare intimidated the other professor. “I…I don’t know. I haven’t heard from Sirius in a long time. I don’t think so. Why?!”

_Why, indeed_? Severus let go of Lupin and took a step back. _What the hell is wrong with me?! Calm down. It was just a nightmare. Why do I care anyway? She can do whatever she wants to do, with whomever she wants…_ However, the face of Sirius crossed his mind again and he completely lost it, punching the closest wall with his bare hand.

Shocked, Lupin got closer to him. “Are you alright? You should maybe ask Poppy to check on your hand?”

“I’m fine!” he snapped before heading back to his quarters. That day he bought an essay entitled _Self-control is the key._ He bought it for himself initially, but sent it to Hermione anyway, figuring she would probably need it too.

The following week, he sent her a novel called _The secret life of bats._ The book reminded it of him, and he hoped Hermione would make the link as well and understand the reasons why he preferred to remain discreet, and not just because of his role as a spy.

At some point in the middle of August, Severus decided that whatever was going on between them should stop. If not for his sake, at least for hers. He knew it would be difficult to make her understand that she was better without him. But he tried to put some sense into her skull by reluctantly mailing her three different books: _Little Book of Clarity; Focus_ and _Less feelings, more thinking._

Of course, he had bought a copy of each for himself. Who was he trying to fool? He was going to need them. He was as much – if not more – attracted to her than she was to him. _You pathetic fool_ , he thought, looking at his reflection in the mirror, getting ready for a new Death Eater meeting.


	12. Mc"Gon[e]"agall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Minerva choked on her tea. “Care to explain why I should transfigure Miss Granger?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers,
> 
> Thank you for your feedback! 
> 
> Chapter 12 should make you laugh. We all love a snarky Minerva, don't we? 
> 
> Laura, you are an epic beta-reader ;-)

**_Chapter 12 – Mc“Gon(e)”agall_ **

Hermione was going nuts checking the Burrow’s mailbox every ten minutes. It was the last week of vacation and she still hadn’t received anything from Severus since last Saturday. _What if something had happened? What if he had been killed? What if…_ Her alarmist thoughts were interrupted by Ginny.

“We’re going to Diagon Alley to pick school supplies. I don’t understand why Professor Sprout keeps asking for three new textbooks every year… we never use them!” Ginny paused to look at her silent friend, “Hermione, are you okay?”

“I… Yes. Sorry, what did you just say?”

“We’re going to Diagon Alley and you’re coming with us!”

“Thank you for the invitation but I’d rather stay here…”

“Oh no you’re coming! It’s not up for debate. There’s no way you’re leaving me alone with the boys”. Hermione gave her an apologetic look and Ginny frowned. “Are you still worried about your mother?”

 _My mother? Oh! Right… my “mother”._ For an instant, she had forgotten that Severus pretended to send packages on behalf of her mother. “Yes, I am. She was supposed to send me one more book, two days ago. I don’t understand why she didn’t”.

“Maybe she just forgot?” Ginny tried to be optimistic about the situation, “-although I must admit the three previous books she sent were a bit odd, don’t you think?”

“Yes, they were…” Hermione had been the first to be surprised by the sudden change in literary genre. These last books were written by psychologists. The tone was serious and dark and full of medical advice. They were still interesting to read, but less entertaining. She couldn’t quite understand why he would send them to her. Was it for occlumency understanding purposes? Or was he going through something? She couldn’t tell. All she knew was that something was different, and she had a bad feeling about it.

Finally deciding that there was no point in worrying more than she already had, she agreed to go to Diagon Alley. When they came back, arms full of brand-new books, the first thing Hermione did was check the mailbox. Again. _Still nothing. Come on Severus! Please, be ok. Please. Please. Please._ The next morning, she spotted the postman across the road and ran to him.

“Hello! Excuse me…. I was supposed to receive a package three days ago,” Hermione explained. The postman, who wanted nothing more than finish his round and go home, ignored her and made his way back to his delivery van. “This is a joke. Isn’t it ?!” Hermione couldn’t believe her eyes. “Are you ignoring me on purpose?” He was. She ran to the van just in time before the postman started the engine. She grabbed the handle and yanked open the driver’s door. “Hey, prat! I’m talking to you! I was supposed to receive a package three days ago. But I haven’t!”

The postman huffed. “And? How is that my problem?”

Hermione eyes darken in anger and, for a second, she thought she was going to _Avada_ the man. “First of all-,” she noticed he was wearing a badge with his name on it, “- Nigel, you are rude! Second of all, isn’t it your job to inform your clients of the parcels’ tracking?”

“No, my job is to deliver the parcels to the right address, not to babysit them. If you want to make a claim, feel free to write to the Royal Mail.”

Without thinking, Hermione retrieved her wand from her sleeve and pointed at him with a threating look. Poor Nigel got scared and tried to dissipate the tension. “Listen, I’m sorry your boyfriend didn’t write or that you haven’t received your dress or whatever you’re waiting for. But there’s nothing I can do for you Miss. Now, if you’d be kind enough to let go of that stick and let me do my job, thank you very much”.

She was about to cast one of the forbidden curses, when she remembered some lines from a book Severus had sent to her. “Self-control is the key (…) Learn to let go (…) Breathe in, breathe out,” she whispered.

“Say what?” Nigel asked, clearly thinking she was demented.

“Nothing,” she muttered before returning inside the house.

That night and for the three remaining nights before going back to the castle, she would stay awake and pray for Severus to be safe.

\---

To Hermione’s relief, the first day back to school finally arrived. The moment the Hogwarts Express stopped, she got off the train and ran as fast as she could, completely ignoring Hagrid on her way.

Curious, Hagrid approached Harry and Ron. “What is wrong with her?”

The boys shrugged. “Oh, don’t mind her. She’s been acting weird all summer,” Harry said.

“And not the good kind of _weird_ , if you know what I mean,” Ron completed. “Girls… they’re mental…”

Hagrid nodded dubiously and started counting the students gathered on the platform.

Hermione entered the castle sprinting to the Great Hall, hoping to find Severus sat at the High Table. She just wanted to make sure he was alright, but the room was empty. She then ran towards his quarters and spotted her Head of House at the end of the corridor.

“Miss Granger!”

“Hello Professor McGonagall!” Hermione quickly greeted without slowing down.

Surprised, the Transfiguration Professor asked, “why aren’t you with the rest of your fellow students?”

“They were too slow!”

The elder witch snorted when Hermione went past her without stopping. “I bet Speedy Gonzales! I’ve never seen you run that fast. This makes me doubt Professor Hooch’s judgement when she says you have zero potential in sports”. The girl kept rushing. “May I ask where you are going?”

“You may”, Hermione answered, panting but kept running.

Incredulous, Minerva watched the young Gryffindor run away and chuckled. Her audacity reminded her too much of someone else’s. She shook her head and muttered “Merlin, give me strength to deal with them both…,” knowing perfectly that whatever was going on between her student and colleague was far from over.

\---

Severus was quietly reading a newspaper in his chesterfield when he heard some noises coming from the entrance of his quarters. _Impossible. I’ve changed the wards. I’m just being paranoid._ He drew his attention back to his reading, until a panting and dishevelled looking Hermione stood in front of him, one hand on her hip, the other pointing at him with a murderous look on her face.

“You son of a-”, she started but almost choked on her saliva. She needed to regulate her breathing before talking, otherwise she feared she would pass out.

Shocked, Severus stood up and looked at her suspiciously. “What are you doing here?! How did you even find my password?” he snapped.

Hermione took a deep breath and started yelling “I didn’t, you twat! The door wouldn’t open so I shouted something out of frustration and it finally did-”

 _No, it didn’t_. He cut her off. “What did you shout?”

“Who cares?! I don’t know… Something like ‘open, you _wazzock feckless bawdy_ door!’”

 _No flying way!_ She had found his new password without even guessing it. _How?_ He couldn’t understand. What were the odds? He had chosen those three specific adjectives as a password, because they were not commonly used and because he thought they described him perfectly. Every time he would enter his quarters, he would remind himself how stupid, worthless, and obscene he was for having inappropriate feelings for his student… a student that was currently approaching him dangerously. “What are you doing here?”, he repeated taking a step back.

“I thought you were dead, plonker! I’ve waited for my book all week and it never came! You knew I’d get worried, but you didn’t find it necessary to tell me you were fine?!” The witch didn’t give him a chance to talk and kept accusing him. “I haven’t slept in four days! I almost sued the Royal Mail and killed the postman because of you, and here you are, casually reading a bloody newspaper?!”

“Are you done barking?” he asked, annoyed. She was about to start again but decided otherwise and nodded. “Good. You shouldn’t have worried. I sent the book a week ago, but I’ve just read in the newspaper that Royal Mail started a strike action last week. It might explain the delay.”

“Oh. It might also explain why Nigel was so bad-tempered when I went for him”, Hermione realised.

“Who is Nigel?!”, he snapped impulsively. For some reason, the thought of her _going for_ another man made him see red.

It didn’t escape Hermione’s notice, who took advantage of his distraught state to get closer to him. “No one. Just a random bloke”, she answered dismissively and reached for Severus’ collar. He yanked her hand away. “He also happened to be the postman I almost killed and accused of being useless”.

 _Oh_. He had no idea why he thought that Nigel could be someone more important to her, or why he would care anyway. But that misplaced irrational concern reminded him of the nightmare he had some weeks ago. “Did you see the dog?” Severus asked, sternly.

Hermione didn’t understand. “The dog?”

“Yes, the dog! Potter’s godfather”, Severus repeated irritated, thinking that Hermione was feigning ignorance.

“Sirius? No, I haven’t. Why?”

 _So, they are on a first-name basis already,_ Severus noted. “Nothing. Now that you know I’m alive, you can go back to your student duties”.

Hermione looked at him consternated. “That’s it? You’re just going to dismiss me without asking how my holiday was?”

Severus noticed the hurt in her voice and winced knowing he was the cause of it. He didn’t want to upset her. He took a deep breath and eyed her up. “I see you’ve managed not to get overweight… and knowing Molly’s tendency to fatten people up, I consider it to be a sign of your abilities. How did you do it?”

Hermione chuckled and Severus’ heart skipped a bit. “Well, I should thank _you_ for that”. He raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I was so worried for you that I couldn’t eat for fear of regurgitating”.

 _Great!_ Now he felt bad. “Granger, you need to eat and stop worrying about me!”

“Oh well I would certainly stop worrying if I could eat _you_ …”, she countered bluntly.

 _Wait. What?_ they thought simultaneously.

Seeing the look of dismay on his face, Hermione panicked. “Oh God… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I would never… I didn’t even know where _that_ came from-”.

He couldn’t bear to watch her self-flagellation so he came up with the first thing that might stop her rambling. “From some cheap Take That lyrics, perhaps?” he suggested, deadpan.

Hermione opened her mouth to reply but when no word came, she grinned from ear to ear. Severus had to close his eyes not to get distracted by her devilish smile. What he hadn’t expected was for Hermione to kiss him the instant he opened them again. Lost in the moment, he didn’t immediately pull back but when she slid her tongue inside his mouth, he stopped her.

“We decided to put an end to it, remember?”

Hermione rolled her eyes and pouted. “No. You decided it”.

“And you agreed”.

“Only because I knew the situation was bothering you”.

“It still does!”

“Fine!”, Hermione conceded.

“You should go back to the Great Hall, The Sorting Feast will start soon”.

She nodded and said, “one more for the road”, before attacking his mouth fiercely. Once again, Severus hadn’t seen it coming and found himself fighting not to succumb. When she let go, his gaze met her swollen lips. “I’ve missed you, you know? … Holiday really sucks”, she said before leaving.

Banging his head against the wall of his living-room, Severus swore that the satanic irresistible witch would be the end of him.

\---

If it weren’t for the Triwizard Tournament announcement and the welcoming of the foreign students, Severus would have left the Great Hall long ago. He was in no mood for a social gathering. Yet, Dumbledore had insisted that all the teachers’ presence was mandatory. Determined not to look at Hermione, he didn’t sit in his usual chair but preferred standing aside, between Minerva and Filius, where he knew the Gryffindor would be out of his line of sight. And she was…until the girls from Beauxbâtons Academic of Magic made their entrance.

He wasn’t sure of what happened exactly then. He had been looking at the blue-dressed witches, clapping for them like the rest of the staff did, when he suddenly met Hermione’s death stare. She was glaring at him as if he had just killed her cat. Confused, he raised an eyebrow in question. She shook her head in exasperation, muttering under her breath. _Men are all the same! They just can’t help staring at women in skirts and fishnet stockings, can they?!_ Her disappointment was quickly forgotten by the muscular entrance of Durmstrang students.

 _Pathetic_ , Severus thought, watching the young males’ circus act. When he noticed that half of the witches including Hermione were drooling just looking at them, he made a disgusted face. _They look as ridiculous as their Headmaster, wearing those dead ferrets on their heads… I bet they’re all illiterate and have a terrible accent, just like him._ Sure enough, Igor Karkaroff opened his mouth to greet Dumbledore and mispronounced his name. _It’s Albus, not [Al-boo-s] wanker_! _The body clearly isn’t everything_ … He pinched his nose at the level of absurdity emanating from the tall man and drew his attention back to the attendance sheet he had in hands.

\---

The reception eventually ended but it was not enough to calm Severus down. He was trudging up and down the corridors, ready to remove points from any unfortunate student who might cross his path. He needed something or someone to channel his energy because, otherwise, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

He walked past Minerva’s quarters twice. Both times, he noticed the lights on, which meant she was still awake. When he approached her door a third time, he decided it wouldn’t hurt to have a discussion with her.

Minerva was enjoying a chamomile cuppa when the door of her quarters burst open. Startled, she spilled some tea, burning her fingers in the process. “For Merlin’s sake Severus! I swear it better be an emergency or-”

“It is”, he nodded hastily and started pacing in front of her fireplace. “I need you to transfigure a student into a hideous inanimate object”.

Minerva choked on her tea. “Care to explain why I should transfigure Miss Granger?”

Severus stopped pacing to look at his colleague with wide eyes. _How does she know who I’m talking about?_

Seeing the shock on his face, Minerva huffed. “Oh, come on Severus! You really think I didn’t suspect something going on between you two? I have to say… as a spy, you might want to be more careful”, she scoffed.

Severus rolled his eyes. “That’s exactly the reason why I need you to keep her away from me! I can’t get rid of her myself. The witch is obsessed with me!”

“What happened?”

“Nothing”, he lied.

“Really? Funny because the girl told me she had strong feelings for you before the holiday. And the first thing she did, after arriving this afternoon, was run to you”.

Severus frowned. “Are you spying on us?”

“You tell me James Bond! I saw her running through the hallways. I asked her if I may know where she was going. She answered in a full classic-Snape-y craft ‘you may’ and left me hanging”.

 _That’s my girl_ , Severus smirked before slapping his forehead. _No, she’s not! What am I thinking?!_ “I need you to make her realise her feelings are foolish”.

“What about _your_ feelings?”, Minerva asked seriously.

Severus scoffed. “As if I had the right to feel anything…”

“You have and you should”.

“She’s my student Minerva!” he snapped.

“And if she had been any other student, believe me, I would have reported you to the Ministry Department of Education right away. But as it is, Hermione is not any student. She’s smart and way ahead of her age. She knows what she wants and often achieves her goals”.

Severus shook his head. “Nothing _more_ will happen,” he assured her colleague.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t be so categorical. She can be quite persuasive…”

“No shit Sherlock! She kissed me earlier on and it wasn’t the first time. I somehow managed to stop her… but… I’m only a man. How much longer will I be able to push her away?”.

“Blimey!” Minerva pinched her nose and tried to think of the right way to say what she wanted. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but maybe…just maybe… you should stop pushing her away?”

“What?! Did you miss the part where I told you she’s a minor and a student?!” He couldn’t believe that the respectable Head of Gryffindor House was encouraging him to pursue an inappropriate relationship with her golden student.

“And have you missed the part where I told you that you deserve something good happening in your life?” she snapped back. He had. He couldn’t remember her saying such things. He looked at her, confused. “Last year, when you came back bleeding from one of your meetings, I stayed up all night with you in the Hospital wing. You kept blaming yourself for everything that has happened fifteen years ago. And I told you that enough was enough, that you deserved to have some control over your life and allow you some positive things”.

Severus ducked his head in shame. He had somehow blacked out this night from his memory, probably because he disagreed with her and didn’t think he deserved any of it. The faith Minerva had in him always surprised and embarrassed him at the same time. “And you think that having an affair with my student is a positive thing?” he snorted.

“It could be”, she nodded. “But hear me out Severus. You are the adult. Not her. She is your responsibility. So, if you ever hurt her, in any possible way, I won’t hesitate to _crucio_ intimate parts. And trust me when I say that the Dark Lord will become the least of your concerns if you cause her any physical or psychological pain. Am I clear?”

Severus shot her a dark look. “Who do you think I am?! The last thing I want is to hurt her?”

“I know. But I also know that it’s been a long time since you … you know?” she trailed off.

No, he didn’t. “Since?”

“I mean… Do you still even know _how_ to …?” she gave him a pointed look and waved her hand around his lower body parts”.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, don’t make me say it Severus…”

Running out of patience he snapped. “Are we going to play guessing games all night. Come on, spit it out woman!” he asked completely clueless.

Minerva rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Fine! Do you remember how to give pleasure to women?”

Severus choked on his own saliva resulting in a long coughing fit. With wide eyes, he yelled hysterically. “Witch! We’re not having this discussion!”

“Alright, alright. Forget I mentioned it”, Minerva said, a cheeky smile playing on her lips. She couldn’t help but laugh at her colleague’s consternation.

“How could I?!” he said, pacing back and forth between his colleague and the door.

“Calm down son, I’m just making sure that-”.

“My sexual life is none of your business! And yes, I do remember, thank you very much! I’m not one of those ignorant hormonal dunderheads”, he blurted out, agitated.

“Oh, I know that!” she assured him, “that’s why I don’t need to remind you the usual _‘no means no, and stop means stop’_ , right?”

If he weren’t livid as a ghost, Severus would have probably blushed in shame. He couldn’t believe her. “Are you high?”, he asked seriously, examining the pupils of his colleague. Minerva laughed out loud. “I mean it. Whatever you had must be strong dope!”

Minerva shook her head. “I know you won’t take advantage of her. I trust you and you should trust yourself. Miss Granger is right; you are a good man. Whatever happens, I know you will do what’s best for her”.

“That’s the problem! I know for sure that I’m not what’s best for her”, he huffed in frustration.

“What if you are wrong?” she asked defiantly.

“What if I’m not?”

“Then, you will figure out in time. Don’t shut her down just yet. You may not be what’s best for her, but it doesn’t mean she’s not what’s best for you”.

Severus raised a suspicious eyebrow considering what his colleague said and huffed. “Bugger! You’re not helpful Minerva!”

“I’m trying,” the Transfiguration teacher answered, amused. Tired, she showed him the door. “Goodnight Severus, please close the door behind you. Oh, and don’t forget… if she’s eager, protect her beaver”.

“Say what now, old goat?”

“You know… don’t make a mistake, muzzle your snake”.

The look on Severus’ face was priceless the moment he understood the metaphor. “You lost the plot, witch! You’re nutty as a fruitcake!” he grumbled, making his way out.

Minerva laughed again and before he could close the door, she chanted “Don’t be silly, protect your willy!”


	13. Relight my fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Now stop stammering and come in. I'm not going to bite you. I'll leave that task to Potter's godfather".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon readers,
> 
> I've been quite busy lately, but here's chapter 13. Enjoy !
> 
> Thank you to my beta-reader, Laura, and to all of you for your kudos, comments and patience.

**Chapter 13 - Relight my fire**

The week following the _parental- advisory-required_ discussion with Minerva, Severus had done his best to keep himself busy outside of classes so he wouldn't have to deal with his colleague or Hermione. 

And what better way to do that than giving an awful lot of detentions? By Wednesday, Severus had punished dozens of students. One of them was Ron Weasley. The redhead had made the unthinkable mistake of looking in the Potions Master's direction, and that reason alone was enough to earn him a two-hour detention, starting now. 

"Weasley! Are you going to come in or do you plan on cleaning cauldrons in the doorway?" Severus snapped. 

"I... No.. I'm sorry Professor".

"You will be! Now stop stammering and come in. I'm not going to bite you. I'll leave that task to Potter's godfather". 

Ron chuckled nervously. "Sirius? He wouldn't hurt a fly. He's the coolest guy I've ever met... after Krum, of course!”

This was the worst possible combination of words Ron could have come up with to attract Severus' wrath. 

"Sirius Black would probably never hurt a fly because he's scared of it. He would have run away from it, being the greatest coward I've ever met.... after Potter's father, of course. Don't be a fool. This man has taken more lives than you can count members of the Weasley family. As for Krum, his coolness - as you put it - ends the second he opens his mouth!"

No one knew what possessed Ron when he dared to reply. "I don't believe you! Sirius is kind-hearted. So is Krum! He has even been planning a surprise party for Hermione's upcoming birthday!" 

Severus was ready to snap back at the redhead, but the last piece of information prevented him from doing so. _Hermione's birthday_. He racked his brain trying to remember the exact date. Maybe he had read it in her academic file? Maybe he had seen it in one of her memories? No. He couldn't recall. He couldn't say when she was born... but Krum could, and that bothered him. 

"And I'm sure the Headmaster approved this surprise party?" 

Ron gulped uneasily and shifted from one foot to the other. "Well...erm...I...hmm...sure!" 

Severus rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Of course, not ..."

“But that’s fine because we won’t do it inside the castle”.

“Are you telling me that you plan to escape the castle to party after curfew? You are right. That sounds “fine” to me!” Severus snapped sarcastically. “When and where?” he enquired.

“When and where… what? Professor?” Ron asked, feigning ignorance.

“When and where do you want me to kill you!” The look of fear on Ron’s face made the Potions master sneer. “Your little celebration, Moron! When and where does it take place?”

“Friday night. At Hagrid’s”, Ron admitted shyly. “Why do you ask? Are you going to prevent it? Please, don’t ruin it. It’s for Hermione! She deserves a great night”.

“I highly doubt that a night surrounded by dunderheads could ever be defined as _great_! As your teacher, I must inform the Headmaster. If and only _if_ he gives you permission to party, he will ask for a responsible adult to be there…”

“Well, Krum is eighteen and Hagrid will be there!”

“I said _responsible_! Are you deaf?” Severus snapped. Deciding there was no point in continuing talking with this daft ignoramus, he ordered the Gryffindor to scrub ten putrid cauldrons.

Severus knew better than to leave a Weasley unsupervised, so he sat at his desk the whole time, grading some 4th year essays. As usual, he kept Hermione’s essay at the bottom of the pile. _Keep the best for last, they say… That_ and the fact that he knew her modest twenty-pages work would require a lot of concentration; something he couldn’t possibly manage with all the din Ron was currently making.

Two hours later, Severus dismissed his exhausted student but not before casting an _evanesco_ at the cauldrons Ron had been tirelessly trying to clean manually.

“Hey! Wha- Why…”, Ron started to protest.

“Something to say Weasley?”

_Greasy git_! “No, Pro-pro-fessor”, Ron answered and pouted. _Not cool_.

\---

Severus skipped lunch for three reasons. 1) He wasn’t hungry. 2) He didn’t want to hear Minerva’s inappropriate comments or advice. 3) He didn’t want to meet Hermione’s frustrated look. So instead, he went back to his quarters and started reading Hermione’s essay.

For the first assignment of the year, Severus had let his 4th year students choose their topics. The only instruction was to explore antidotes and include at least one potion studied in class, during each of their first, second and third years in their research paper. Hermione had included twelve of them; four potions from each academic year _. Insufferable know-it-all._ Truth be told, Severus hadn’t expected any less coming from her. However, he was surprised by her topic choice. “An antidote to counter the effects of an _obliviate_ spell”. He couldn’t help but smirk. V _ery audacious of you to tackle this issue, Granger._ Many studies have been conducted on this matter. But to this day, none had offered any viable solution.

He had himself worked on a similar subject after being solicited by the Ministry of Divine Health, to work on a potion that could help cure Alzheimers. Naturally, Severus had extended his experiments to the obliviating effects.

After finishing reading her solid thesis and taking five pages of notes in his personal notebook, he put down his quill and blinked repeatedly. _Holy mother of … She got it! The damn witch potentially found a bloody antidote. She found a way where I failed, where we all failed…Bloody smart. God, she’s brilliant!_ Of course, he would have to put into practice further experiments to confirm the validity of her dissertation and then mix her hypothesis with his own research, but it could genuinely work.

He was impressed and proud; proud of her, for being one of the brightest witches he ever met and proud of him, somehow, for teaching her many of the potions and principles she adequately used for her essay. And pride wasn’t a feeling Severus was familiar with. He thought he had forever lost it the day he had called Lily a Mudblood and then joined the Death Eaters.

But Hermione had this incredible capacity of making him feel things: _pride, desire, hope, affection? -_ Severus listed - _Bugger!_ In this instant, he wanted to run to her, talk to her about her research, kiss her _– why not!_ \- and tell her she was an insufferable smartass genius. But he couldn’t. _Student, student, student_ , he reminded himself. With the tip of his quill, he wrote an “O++” at the top of her paper and told himself he would give it back to her on her birthday, as a present. _Would that be good enough?_ He doubted it. He wanted to reward her, to give her something special, to make _her_ feel special.

Maybe this birthday party was a good thing. She would probably enjoy partying with her friends. Who was he to prevent it? With that in mind, he went to Dumbledore’s office.

\---

“Come in!” Severus entered Dumbledore’s office. “Ah Severus, please have a seat. Lemon drop?”

The spy rolled his eyes. “Albus, in twenty years, have you ever seen me take lemon drops?” Before the old wizard could answer, Severus replied sternly “The answer is no. No, thank you. No lemon drops”.

“Very well. More for me,” Dumbledore nodded, “- So, tell me. What is the matter?”

“Weasley told me that Krum and his little friends were organising a surprise party for Granger’s birthday on Friday night. These idiots plan on escaping the castle to party at Hagrid’s. I thought you might want to know.”

“Oh, I know Severus.”

“You do?”

“I do. Sirius Black asked me if he could spend the weekend at Hogwarts after the party”.

“Excuse me? What has _he_ anything to do with Granger?”

“Sirius didn’t want to miss the girl’s birthday and he wanted to spend some time with his godson…which is understandable. That’s why I told him he could stay there until Sunday”.

Severus shook his head in disbelief. “Albus, I thought you would be opposed to this ridiculous party, not that you would invite a former Azkaban prisoner!”

“What is bothering you my dear Severus? The girl’s academic record is impeccable. Don’t you think she deserves a good birthday night surrounded by friends?”

“I do. That’s not the problem. But Padfoot… really?”

“Well, believe it or not. He and Miss Granger admire each other. I’m sure she will be glad to see him. So would Harry”.

Severus scoffed. “Always thinking in The Boy-Who-Lives’ interests first, aren’t you?”

Dumbledore smiled mischievously. “What kind of monster would I be to keep the orphan away from his godfather?”

Severus raised a sceptical eyebrow. _Oh, you are a monster… of the worst kind. Always putting Potter in danger to overpower the Dark Lord. Don’t you think I can see right through your little game...?_ “As long as I don’t have to see the dog’s muzzle…”

“That might be unlikely. I told him he could stay in the vacant room facing your quarters”.

“Bloody perfect”, Severus commented sarcastically, before storming out of Dumbledore’s office.

\---

Friday arrived and Severus hadn’t been able to spot Hermione at breakfast or in the corridors. He wanted to give her essay back to her. _How come when I don’t want to see her, she’s haunting me… following me wherever I go even in my sleep, but when I need to see her, she’s nowhere to be found_.

Just then he remembered that he had class with the 4th year Gryffindors this afternoon. He would wait until the end of the class to give it back to her. Satisfied with that plan, he went back to his quarters to finalise a little something he had made for the birthday girl. It wasn’t much really. Just a practical homemade present. But he thought she would still appreciate the gesture. _When did I become such a considerate person, eh_? That thought made him roll his eyes. _I’m not. I’m messed up. That’s what I am._ He wondered whether to wrap the gift or not but decided against it. _If she sees the gift paper, she’ll expect something great. It’s rubbish._

After lunch, he came face to face with Krum in the corridor and the feeling made Severus tense up. On instinct, he cornered the Bulgarian wizard.

With a sharp accent, Viktor asked, “iz vhair a problem, Professor Snape?”

Severus frowned icily. “Not yet. But there will be if something wrong happens to your little gathering tonight”.

“I don’t know vwhat you’rrrrre talking aboat”

Severus repressed the urge to strangle the boy. “Of course, you don’t… I don’t know how it works in your debauched school, but for the record, alcohol and drugs are prohibited among students on this ground. Am I clear?”

“Veree!” Viktor took a step back to keep on walking. But Severus didn’t let him, blocking his path.

“One last thing… Don’t. Get. In. My. Way. Again.” The way he punctuated every word came as a threat, but his dangerous tone didn’t seem to intimidate the student who simply shrugged dismissively and kept on walking. _Insolent, miserable idiot_.

\---

Hermione found difficult to focus in class, probably because of the strange look on her Potions teacher’s face. He almost seemed nervous… _which doesn’t make sense,_ Hermione thought. _He rarely displays anything but a serious neutral face. What is it?_ Her curiosity only increased when Severus gave back the essays. All the students had their papers, except her. Worried, she waited for everyone to leave the room, grabbed her backpack, and went to his desk.

Once she was in front of him, Severus examined her curiously.

She cleared her throat. “Sev - Erm… I’m sorry. It seems that you forgot to hand me back my essay?”

“Indeed,” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Oh”. At this point, she was looking at her shoes in shame, thinking that he might have hated her paper. “It was terrible, wasn’t it? Delusive, utopian, stupid?”

Severus stood from his chair and moved in front of her. He grabbed her chin and lifted it so she could look into his eyes. “Delusive and utopian? Yes, absolutely. Stupid and terrible? Far from it. It is brilliant Hermione.” While she looked at him with the most genuine expression of surprise, Severus took the copy from his desk and gave it back to her.

“Outstanding plus?” she read, baffled. Her eyes shone in happiness. "This is definitely the best birthday present you could get me... I mean I'm not implying that I was expecting something from you anyway," she rephrased, letting him know that there was no pressure on him, "- I'm just saying... thank you I guess".

"Actually, I have something more for you. I'm not sure it can be considered as a _present_ worthy of the name, but here it is." Severus cornered his desk to retrieve a black and silver notebook.

Excited, Hermione jumped in trepidation. "Is it another journal? How did you know I needed a new one?" she asked, grinning.

Severus frowned. "I didn't. Is the one I gave you full already?"

"Positive. You know how prolific I can be when I start writing... "

"Indeed," Severus smirked. He made a mental note to buy her a new one. "Here". He put the black and silver thin notebook in her hands, but she didn't look at it and kept staring at him instead. "I thought it would be handier and more discreet than a box of chocolate or a bouquet".

"Hmm Hmm", she nodded still locking eyes with him, smiling from ear to ear, "-so you settled for a book?"

"Not any book. It's a book of spells I created myself... for you", he explained.

_Wait. What?_ Hermione thought she misheard. "Hang on. Did you say you created spells for me?" Her excitement was palpable as she finally examined the cover of the notebook. No title, no author's name, no publisher.

"I don't know much about what you like except magic, books, Take That and-"

"You", she completed, smiling. The way she said it, so naturally, almost made the icy-looking wizard melt.

Severus cleared his throat. "Anyway, I hope you will make good use of it".

Hermione opened the book and turned the first page to discover what looked like instructions to cast a spell. She quirked up an eyebrow reading the name of the spell "Relight my fire?" she inquired, recognizing the name of a rather explicit _Take That_ song. When she saw him roll his eyes, she started laughing. "Oh my god! Admit it! You listened to their music!"

Severus shook his head negatively. "I'd rather _avada myself_ than admit such things. And before you get any inappropriate ideas, this spell allows you to literally relight a fire or any heat source when you're cold. No matter where you are, indoors, outdoors, or even underwater, if you cast this spell, you won't be cold. And if you fall asleep, you won't have to worry about the fire dying or getting out of control. The charm will adjust to your body temperature and I made it safe enough for you not to burn yourself or set any more people on fire".

She couldn't miss his teasing tone when he referred to the _quidditch fire incident_ during her 1st year. "Right", she nodded and laughed heartily. "I don't know what to say". She took a step closer to him. "It's perfect. I love it. I can't wait to discover all the other spells you created". She reached for his forearm and stroked it gently. "You're a brilliant man and this is definitely the best birthday present ever. Thank you". She stood on tiptoes and was about to kiss him when they both heard a door slam not far from the classroom. Startled, Severus took a step back and composed himself.

Just then, Harry entered the classroom looking for Hermione. "There you are! Come on Hermione, Sirius just got here!"

"Brilliant! I'm so glad to see him. Where is he?"

The Boy-Who-Lived and Hermione seemed way too excited about the news, which annoyed Severus immensely. "Potter, where are your manners? Interrupting people. No knock… How uncivilised!"

Harry shrugged. "Sorry," he mumbled, "- come on Hermione, speed up!"

"Lead the way, I'm coming. I was just asking Professor Snape what to improve in my paper". She gave an apologetic look at Severus who nodded slightly in understanding, but Hermione could see the way he tensed up.

His tone changed radically into something stern as he said "I can see you are in a hurry and clearly not ready to hear my suggestions. So why don't you come see me later?"

_What does that mean?_ Hermione gave him a quizzical look. "Erm? Later. Alright. Yes. Erm... thank you". Before she could say anything else, Harry grabbed her arm and lead her out of the classroom, leaving a stone-cold-looking Potions Master behind them.


	14. Like a dog with two tails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Padfoot, I thought I heard you bark!" Severus snapped, taking in the sight before his eyes. Sirius was dangerously close behind the witch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers,
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and comments. 
> 
> Chapter 14 coming your way. Enjoy :)

**Chapter 14 - Like a dog with two tails**

The party was a total success. Everyone enjoyed themselves at Hagrid's hut. Everyone except the birthday girl. Hermione was happy to party with her friends and agreeably surprised, of course, but she also spent the night with the image of a confusing Severus in the back of her mind.

After midnight, the need to find him and talk to him became more pressing. She needed a plan and a pretext to stroll near his quarters. Looking up, she spotted Sirius, tirelessly dancing in slow motion. She smiled.

"Sirius, are you alright?" she asked conspicuously.

"Abso-bloody-lutely sweetheart!" he exclaimed before whispering in her ear "- although, I think I'm too old for all of this. You should have seen me, back in the days, partying all night long... I was the life of the party! Now I'm almost on my knees..."

Hermione chuckled "You're still in good shape Sirius," she reassured him honestly, "- do you want me to walk you back to your quarters?"

"Oh no, don't worry. Enjoy _your_ night Hermione! I will find my way back". Sirius winked.

"Well, truth be told, I'm very tired and could use a break from the music. Let me walk you back. I need some fresh air anyway".

Sirius smiled and nodded. "It will be my pleasure Hermione!" He gave her his arm respectfully "Miss Granger, shall we take our leave?"

She accepted his arm and playfully answered like a noblewoman. "Thank you, Sir". On their way to the castle they chatted, and Sirius couldn't help but talk about the glory days of the Marauders. At some point, Hermione asked "were you idolized by everyone?"

"No, I wouldn't say that, no. Although most of the students admired us, some of them feared us. And they had every right to. We were certainly the most popular but not the nicest wizards. Far from it. But I'm sure you know that already, don't you?"

Hermione shook her head negatively. "How come?"

Surprised, Sirius stopped to look at her "Professor Snape never told you what we did?"

 _What has he got to do with this?_ Hermione frowned. "Erm... No."

Sirius started walking again. "Oh, well maybe he's not _that_ resentful after all..." Hermione's alarmed eyes urged him to continue. "You know, I don't have many regrets in life, but if I could take back all the bullying we did - to _him_ , especially - I would. Believe me Hermione. I would."

 _Oh. So, Severus was bullied at school._ She might have thought aloud because Sirius nodded. "It doesn't really explain why he's the one bullying students now..." Hermione wondered.

Sirius chuckled. "Ah! Now that's a good question. I think he does that to protect himself..."

This argument didn't convinced Hermione. "You think? I think he does that to protect everyone else".

"You are probably right Hermione".

"Of course, I'm right! As Professor Snape would say, I'm an insufferable know-it-all", she said, doing a poor impression of her Potions master's voice.

As they were approaching the quarters, Sirius' laugh resonated loud enough for Severus to hear it from his living room. He sneered and rose from his rocking chair, ready to cast a noise-isolating charm when he also recognized Hermione's laugh.

Something in his demeanour immediately changed. He clenched his teeth, his fists and tried to ignore the sudden spasm in his gut. He hated everything about that man. And the thought of him making Hermione laugh displeased him immensely. He listened at the door, trying to make sense of what was happening.

"I can totally picture him saying that with his pinched tone!" Sirius laughed again. “Alright sweetheart, I hope you enjoyed the party".

Hermione nodded "I did! Thank you for coming. It's always good to see you Sirius".

From the other side of the door, Severus gulped uneasily.

"Aw! It's good to see you too. Look at you, becoming a beautiful young woman".

 _Ok. Enough_. That was too much for Severus who yanked open the door of his quarters.

"Padfoot, I thought I heard you bark!" Severus snapped, taking in the sight before his eyes. Sirius was dangerously close behind the witch.

 _"_ Ah Severus, we were just talking about you. Don't you agree with me on the fact that your student is turning into a graceful young woman?"

Severus' eyes darkened as he said "as you just mentioned it, she is _my_ student and I won't allow a dog like you sniff her butt. Isn't it what you were going to do, standing there behind her?"

"What?!" Hermione’s eyes widened.

"Don't pay attention to him Hermione. He can't stand me", Sirius explained.

"Correct. I can't". Severus turned his attention to Hermione. "Miss Granger, since you're here, do you want to hear my suggestions on your paper, or should I send you back to your dormitory?"

"I will gladly hear what you have to say concerning my paper", Hermione answered spontaneously.

"Come in then", he gestured towards his door.

"Inviting students into your quarters, eh? Now who's the most inappropriate?" Sirius joked.

If Hermione weren’t right next to him in that moment, Severus swore he could have legitimately killed his enemy. "Nothing's less appropriate than inviting yourself to a fifteen-year old student’s birthday party. Keep that in mind."

Sirius ignored Severus' accusation and took Hermione's hand in his instead. Before Severus could do anything, Sirius brought her hand to his lips. "I wish you a very happy birthday Hermione. Goodnight!" he winked at her and let go of her hand.

"Thank you, Sirius. Have a goodnight too".

Harry’s godfather returned to the room he was temporarily staying in, as Severus guided Hermione into his quarters and then in front of the kitchen sink.

Clueless about why they were currently staring at an empty sink, Hermione frowned. “You might wash your hands”, Severus suggested.

 _O-Kay… So, he is still very resentful._ “Don’t you think this is a bit excessive?”

“He’s a dog. He licks butts and pees on his own paws. He fights regularly and could even have rabies. You _want_ to wash your hands”, Severus insisted.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “But he hasn’t bitten me, you know?” she countered but washed her hands anyway. “I know you don’t like him because of what he and James did to you but-”

He cut her off. “What happened in my life is none of your business! You know nothing about what he’s capable of!” Severus snarled. Whatever happened was clearly still affecting him and it worried Hermione.

She ducked her head and looked at her feet. “I apologise”.

“Don’t. _I_ ’m sorry”. _Well done you fucking wanker, now she’s upset._ “You have nothing to do with our lifetime quarrel. I’m the one who should apologise for yelling at you on your birthday. I’m a monster. Please, forgive me”.

“There’s nothing to forgive and you are not a monster”, Hermione smiled.

Severus didn’t. “How was the party?” He changed the subject.

“Unexpected!”

Severus frowned at her choice of adjective. “Isn’t what a ‘ _surprise party’_ is meant to be?”

 _Smart ass_. “Point taken”. Severus smirked. “I just didn’t expect people to make a big deal about my fifteenth birthday. It’s not like I’m turning eighteen, you know”.

Severus nodded. “I admit that I have trouble understanding the concept of _birthday party_ in the first place. Not that I am familiar with it… But the way I see it, it’s just a pretext to have fun and basically congratulate you on becoming older than yesterday”.

“Right?” Hermione laughed. “What do you think is the purpose of a birthday cake if not to be used as an antidepressant for getting older?” Severus nodded in agreement and took a moment to examine Hermione’s perfect face. There was this delicate frown forming on her forehead; a feature Severus knew by heart. This sign indicated that she was deeply thinking.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked eventually.

“That the worst part of being a birthday cake is when you’re set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.”

Severus was in awe. _Wow. That was unexpected._ “Seen that way, I guess I’m not having birthday cake ever again”.

Hermione chuckled. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood. Anyway, what did you _really_ think of my paper?”

Severus smirked at the way she said, “ _my paper_ ”. There was pride in it. And it was legitimate. “Your paper was very interesting and way above all I have read on that matter. You could publish it tomorrow if you wanted, and I’m sure the Royal Academy wouldn’t have anything to say against it. It is truly brilliant Hermione. I couldn’t have done better. And I hope you will allow me to help you conduct some further research and experiments”.

Hermione nodded hastily. “When do we start?” she asked, excited.

Severus chuckled. “Not today. Today it’s all about you”.

“It is _by far_ the best birthday ever. All thanks to you Severus. Thank you. I will never forget it”. She took a step closer, tiptoed and finally kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Happy birthday Hermione”, he whispered right before kissing a sensitive spot behind her ear that made her shiver.

“Very happy, indeed!” She grinned. “You know why I’ve chosen this topic, right?”

“Tell me”. He didn’t really know, no, but he hadn’t expected the following answer.

“Because I’m 90% sure someone obliviated me”.

Severus cleared his throat nervously. “Oh” was all he could managed.

“And I hated it… I think it was Professor McGonagall, the day you were missing. I wanted to wait for you and help you with anything you needed, but I couldn’t because she obliviated me”.

 _Oh! You did, Hermione. You helped me. You just don’t remember._ “It wasn’t Minerva”.

“What? How?” _How can he be sure of that?_ But when she saw the mournful look on his face it clicked. “It was you?!” He nodded. “Of course, it was you!” she yelled.

“I’m sorry. I had to do it. If the Dark-”

She cut him off, knowing too well the reason behind it. “I know, Voldemort could have seen it and it would have put us both in danger”, she huffed, clearly frustrated. “What did I miss?”

“Hermione…”

“I’m not asking for access to your mind so I can see for myself. I’m just asking you to tell me what happened. It’s the least you can do for erasing my memories against my will, don’t you think?” She didn’t say it in a reproachful manner. She was just curious.

“I apologise for obliviating you. I know you understand why I did it and that you have probably forgiven me already,” she nodded, “- I… When I returned that day, you were there, waiting for me in front of my quarters. I don’t remember much myself because I was drunk and injured, both mentally and physically. When I woke up at dawn, you were by my side.” Remembering what she had done to him, he grabbed her chin and looked in her eyes. “You helped me Hermione. You attended to my injuries, gave me healing potions. Thank you”. He meant it.

“And that’s it? You just obliviated me after you woke up?” For some reasons, she could feel there was more.

“Well, despite your help, I wasn’t quite pleased to see you. I was unfairly harsh on you and even made you cry and believe me I wish I could delete that sight from _my_ memory. I didn’t mean it. I asked you to leave me alone, but you wouldn’t”, he explained.

Hermione smiled. “That’s sounds like me, indeed”.

Severus smiled slightly. “Stubborn witch! At some point you stood in front of me, waiting. You knew I was going to obliviate you”.

“And so, you did?” she queried.

Severus gently stroke her jawline with the tip of his fingers and nodded “not before kissing you,” he trailed off.

Hermione jumped back, outraged. “WE KISSED?! BLOODY BASTARD! YOU ERASED OUR FIRST KISS FROM MY MEMORY?!”

“That’s approximately what you told me,” Severus declared, amused, “- that I was a bloody bastard and that you would find a way to make new memories of us anyway… And you did”, he smiled, approaching her.

“And it’s only the beginning!” she threatened, determined to let him know she was not going to let him go with it. “I will make thousands of happy memories of us, you’ll just see!” Severus chuckled once more seeing her pacing and genuinely annoyed. “What makes you laugh, twat?!”

 _You. You are mind-blowing._ The second the thought crossed his mind he felt a burning pain on his forearm and sobered immediately. “Nothing”, he answered, serious.

Hermione could see something was different. “You’re being summoned”. It wasn’t a question, more a deduction. Severus nodded and went to grab his frock coat. “Alright, alright. It’s going to be alright”, Hermione reassured herself, chewing her lips in the process.

He hated to see her worry. “It will,” he ensured her. “Go back to your dormitory. Don’t worry, try to sleep and I’ll be there at breakfast”. Hermione nodded and opened her arms as to cuddle him.

He wanted nothing more than press her against his chest, but he couldn’t make the Dark Lord wait, so he denied the embrace. “I have to go”.

She nodded in understanding. “Severus… Thank you for everything. For my present, my essay, your presence, and kind words. I- … I- like you, you know. You matter to me. In fact, you’re probably the person who matters the most to me and-”.

He shushed her with his index “Don’t. Don’t say anything, please”. He smiled at her and opened the door of his quarters.

“Be careful and don’t forget that you owe me a kiss”, she left and let him go to his Death Eater meeting.


	15. Chicken-hearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “Do I look like a cat whisperer to you?” Minerva asked, pretending to be offended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning folks,
> 
> I hope this new chapter finds you well and that despite this global COVID crisis, you're still able to enjoy your summer.
> 
> Enjoy Chapter 15, and feel free to comment :)
> 
> Thank you to my beta-reader, and thanks for all your kudos.

**Chapter 15 – Chicken-hearted**

The moment Severus Apparated at the manor’s gates, he could tell something bad was about to happen.

“My dear Severus, I was expecting you. Please, have a seat”.

_Please? Since when does the bastard plead?_ Cautious, Severus nodded and sat on a chair, right next to Voldemort. Across the room he could hear Bellatrix moan but couldn’t see her. “Thank you”.

“I’m running out of time Severus. I need to deepen my connection with the Boy-Who-Lived so I can make him my puppet and kill him. But as you know, occlumency has made his mental shields stronger,” Voldemort was interrupted by the loud moans of Bellatrix but decided to ignore them, “-I need him vulnerable, open, weak”. Moans filled the room again. This time Voldemort became enraged. “BELLATRIX SHUT THE FUCK UP! I GAVE YOU THAT CHICKEN SO YOU COULD PREPARE DINNER NOT SO YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH IT!”

Severus should have been disgusted or at least surprised by the fact that Bella was basically raping a dead animal but for some reason, it was probably the only thing that didn’t sound completely out of the ordinary. “Do you want me to find a way to stop his Occlumency lessons?”

“No, no… If the old fool wants his golden boy to have Occlumency lessons, let it be… No… I have a greater plan. I want you to isolate the boy,” Severus nodded as if it made sense, “-so, he doesn’t see it coming”.

“May I ask what he shouldn’t see coming?”

“The death of his closest friends”.

In took Severus half a second to process the whole thing - _Potter. Closest friends: Weasley. Granger. Granger! Hermione. No! -_ and another half to make sure he didn’t show any reaction. “My Lord?” he asked, evenly.

“Apparently, killing his parents wasn’t enough to make him vulnerable. Going after his best friends should do the job, right?” The Dark Lord chuckled mischievously and so did Severus, even though the spy wanted nothing more than to scream. “And, between us, it will benefit humanity. There are too many Weasleys and mudbloods on Earth already”.

Severus forced a smile. He knew what he had to do. Come up with a better plan, try to change the Dark Lord’s mind. But before doing that, he had to go his way and play his game. “Who should kill them and when?”

“You will know in time…”

_Not very useful._ “Perfect, my Lord”.

“That’s all for tonight, Severus. Do you want to stay for dinner? Bella is making chicken”.

“Thank you for the invitation, but I shall decline my Lord. Dumbledore wishes to see me to help him organise this pathetic Yule Ball!” _and I’d rather die than eat a chicken fingered by Bellatrix fucking Lestrange._

Voldemort laughed out loud. “My poor Severus. You’re never spared, are you?”

_Tell me about it._ “Only by you, my Lord”. _Fake smile. Bow. Polite nod. “_ Enjoy your meal”.

“Goodnight Severus”.

\---

When Severus Apparated into Dumbledore’s office, his mood was murderous. Before the Headmaster could say anything, he snapped “No lemon drops!”

“I take the meeting wasn’t delightful”, Dumbledore remarked.

“He asked me to isolate Potter so he could kill Granger and Weasley without the boy seeing it coming,” Severus explained, furious.

“He wants to make Potter vulnerable. Good plan!” Dumbledore conceded, unfazed.

“Excuse me?!” Severus snarled.

“Objectively, it’s a good plan. Harry has a big heart, filled with love. That’s his biggest strength. If Tom can break his heart, metaphorically speaking, Harry will be considerably weakened. That’s our role to make sure it doesn’t happen”.

“ _Our_ role? These are _your_ students. It’s _your_ role to protect them. I can only do so much”.

“Severus calm down my dear boy. Think about it. The Dark Lord trusts you. I trust you. Weasley could trust the devil himself if he presented him with roast chicken,” Severus rolled his eyes thinking _Bloody hell, what’s with the chicken today?! “_ -And Hermione is basically in love with you”, Dumbledore stated in the most casual way.

Severus eyes widened in horror. _What the fuck did he just say? “_ Are you demented?”

Dumbledore smiled. “I might be. But I also have a sixth sense when it comes to love”. The Potions master scoffed. “Come on Severus, it is obvious to anyone with eyes that the young Gryffindor has developed feelings for you. They might not be reciprocated-”

“Of course they are not!” Severus answered, feigning disgust.

“Oh, I found her quite charming…” Dumbledore admitted.

_I bet you do, you old pervert!_ “I don’t”.

“The point is: you are trusted, which gives you leverage to turn the situation to our advantage”.

“Oh… Is it that easy? How?!” he yelled. “Please enlighten me with your great wisdom”, Severus sneered sarcastically.

The old wizard frowned in concern. “I haven’t seen you this distressed in a long time, Severus. What is it?”

“Nothing!” he snapped. “I’m just tired of it all. I didn’t ask for anything. These kids didn’t ask for anything to happen!”

“The kids haven’t, sure… But I can remember _you_ asking for my help _back in the day”._

The mention of Lily and the day Severus pleaded with Dumbledore to keep her and her family safe was the last straw. Furious, the tall wizard launched himself at the Headmaster “I did. I asked you one thing. Only one thing. I begged you and you didn’t make it happen. Lily died. James died” Severus deplored.

“But Harry is alive, and it should remain that way… for the time being” Albus argued.

“Not thanks to you! The only reason the Boy lived is because of the loving bond between him and Lily. She made it happen. She saved his life. You did nothing but admire the fallout...! Which seriously makes me doubt you can protect Granger and Weasley”.

The old wizard tried to pat Severus’ shoulder reassuringly but the Slytherin denied the gesture. “I can, and I will. And you’ll help me”, Dumbledore assured him.

Severus nodded and left Albus’ office, worried. His turmoil increased when he reached his quarters and found Crookshanks in it. He eyed the cat suspiciously. “Why are you here fluffy meatball?! Why aren’t you with _her_? Has something happened?” The cat didn’t budge. “Answer!” The only answer Severus got was a yawn. _Oh bugger!_ If it weren’t past midnight already and if she wasn’t already sleeping, he would check on Hermione directly, but as it was, he grabbed the chubby cross-eyed pet by the neck and left his quarters to pay Minerva a nocturnal visit.

\---

Upon reaching Minerva’s door, Crookshanks scratched Severus’ hand. Tightening his grip on the cat’s neck, the moody wizard hissed in annoyance “Evil derp!” He might have sworn louder than intended because next thing he knew, a furious-looking Minerva was standing in front of him, messy hair pointing at the sky.

“You better be dying Severus Tobias Snape otherwise _I_ am going to kill you for waking me up!” she threatened.

Severus rolled his eyes. “You will make up for sleep deprivation during tomorrow’s Quidditch match, as usual. You always do when Gryffindor aren’t playing”.

Minerva scoffed before turning her attention to her fellow feline. “Would you mind letting that poor cat be? What has he done to you?”

“He was waiting for me in my quarters. I need you to ask him why and how he came in? He might be more cooperative with you.”

“Do I look like a cat whisperer to you?” Minerva asked, pretending to be offended.

“If you weren’t, I’d be disappointed,” Severus admitted, “- Look, Granger is in danger. The Dark Lord wants to kill her to weaken Potter. I don’t know how serious he is about this sudden plan, but I won’t take any chances. I need you to keep an eye open and look after her. Brief the cat too. I’m not sure this stupid furry ball can do anything to protect his owner, but it doesn’t hurt to try, right?”

Minerva’s eyes widened in fear. “Hold on, Severus. You can’t just gamble on me or this poor beast to protect her. You need to inform Albus… maybe send the girl away where she’d be safe or-“.

He cut her off. “Albus is well informed. And Hogwarts is still the safest place for both. If the Dark Lords goes through with it, believe me Minerva, it’s going to take all of us to help Granger and Weasley”.

“What?! He wants to kill my dear Weasley too?” Minerva exclaimed.

“Can we blame him though?” Severus humoured, despite the sad circumstances.

The witch slapped his forearm in indignation. “Stop it Severus. A life is a life. I know Miss Granger’s one is worth more to you, but you need to protect them equally”.

Severus shook his head. “I’m afraid I won’t be of any help. I can’t. Last time I tried to protect someone against the Dark Lord’s death wishes, they all died.”

Minerva made eye-contact with him. “You did all you could. It wasn’t your fault. They didn’t die because of you Severus. You couldn’t do anything back then. Now, you can. These children need your help. As you said, it will take _all of us_ to protect them”.

Severus ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Minerva, you don’t get it. I can’t protect her properly if she’s around me. She’ll distract me, ask questions, cloud my judgement… I need her away from me, so I can focus 100% on changing the Dark Lord’s mind or at least try to foil his attempts. I can’t let-”, he hesitated on his next word, “- _feelings_ get in. If I do, she’s dead…”

“Oh Severus… She’s not Lily.”

“I know that!” he snapped, before taking a deep breath. By the time he managed to steady his voice, he felt the cat brush his ankle, which only made him snap again. “What the hell is your problem with me?!”

“Stop yelling at him!” Minerva ordered. “He cares about you, that’s all”. Severus scoffed. “Believe it or not but cats do care”.

“Oh, but I know they care! For example, they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off!” Severus answered sarcastically, giving a pointed look at Hermione’s companion. Crookshanks looked at Minerva and meowed for a minute straight. Whatever the cat said made the witch laugh. “See! I knew you could speak cats’ language”, Severus said unimpressed.

“Of course, I do and if I were you Severus, I wouldn’t offend this lovely kitten… He just told me to remind you that cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit - and shit - that will cause most inconvenience”.

Severus squinted and shot daggers at the cat. “Evil chuffer” he muttered. “Tell him I have other fish to fry… metaphorically speaking I mean…I don’t want him to follow me, that’s what I mean”.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure he got the message. He was only following you because you smell of chicken”, Minerva explained, laughing while Severus cursed Bellatrix under his breath. “Seriously though, how are you going to keep Hermione at bay? You know it will not be an easy task”.

“I know!” he exclaimed, “I hate doing this to her. She told me I was the person who mattered the most to her…” Severus shook his head, hopeless. “I knew from the beginning that this relationship was unsafe for her. I let her come closer and closer and now I must put an end to it. And you know how stubborn she can be! If I show her the door, she’ll find her way back climbing in the window!”

Minerva smiled sadly. “She gets that from you”. Severus ducked his head.

“You have a Prefect meeting with her tomorrow morning, don’t you?”, he asked timidly.

“I do. Do you want me to tell her to come see you right after?”

Severus nodded. “Thank you”.

“Anytime Severus. Anytime”. Severus quirked up an eyebrow and Minerva chuckled “Ok, maybe NOT LITERALLY. Don’t make it a habit to wake me up in the middle of the night!”

“I won’t”, he promised and left his colleague’s quarters making sure he wasn’t followed by the cat.

\---

The following day, Hermione went to her Prefect meeting with her Head of House. Nothing seemed unusual until Professor McGonagall cast a non-verbal _muffliato_ around them at the end of the meeting.

“Why the _muffliato_?” the curious witch asked.

Minerva looked at her in disbelief. “How did you…?” she trailed off.

“Professor Snape casts non-verbal spells approximatively every five minutes. I’m starting to _feel_ it when he does. I don’t know how to explain... I just perceive them, I guess”.

To say Minerva was impressed was an understatement. “Brightest witch of your age… They are not kidding. Merlin!”

Hermione grinned at her Transfiguration teacher. “Thank you, Professor… So?” she asked, expectantly.

“Oh right. Erm… Please, have a seat Miss Granger”. Hermione sat and Minerva cleared her throat. “What I’m about to tell you might upset you, but I don’t want you to worry my dear. Alright? I need you to understand that it is for the good of all”.

“O-kay…” Hermione answered hesitantly.

“I’m going to be honest with you. Severus had a _meeting_ yesterday”. Minerva gave a pointed look at Hermione when she saw her chew her lips frantically. “He is fine. He isn’t injured or anything. But he came to see me, and he told me that the Dark Lord was… let’s say… _investigating_ _you_.

“Shit”, Hermione blurred out before apologising “I mean blimey”.

Minerva smiled slightly. “Shit indeed… I’m sure you understand that your proximity with Professor Snape isn’t the most appropriate given these delicate and dangerous circumstances”.

“I know. I understand”. Minerva didn’t think she would _understand_ that much until the Gryffindor spoke again. “I guess I should keep my distance from him, right?”

The Head of House nodded sadly. “I know it will be very hard for you, but I truly believe it’s what’s best for you and him. You know Miss Granger; Severus is fond of you. Don’t think it’s not going to be difficult for him as well”. Hermione smiled. “In fact, he wanted to talk to you and explain the tough situation you both find yourselves in. You can go see him right after if you like, I just wanted to give you a heads-up… you know in case he seems _off_ , _cold_ or _mean._ Remember? It’s all pretend. He’d do that only because he wants to keep you safe, and because the idiot thinks that it will make it easier for you to hate him”.

Hermione chuckled despite feeling down. “Thank you for the heads up. Don’t worry, I’m used to his bluffing-persona… and I could never hate him for the record”.

The witch Animagus smiled and patted Hermione’s shoulder. “You are very brave and mature my dear. No wonder, he appreciates you _this much_ ”. Minerva winked and un-cast the _muffliato_.

The younger witch smiled thankfully and took her leave, heading directly to Snape’s classroom.

\---

Severus thought he heard a timid knock on his door. With the tip of his wand, he flew it open to reveal Hermione.

“Good morning”, he greeted her flatly.

_Yup. Here comes the bluffing persona. Okay, breathe Hermione. You know what you have to do. Make it easier for him. Keep your distance and keep him safe. Right. I can do this._ “Good morning”, she smiled. “Professor McGonagall said you wanted to see me”. Severus nodded. “Before you say anything, I just want you to know that no matter what happens next, I won’t blame you or hold you responsible for anything”.

_Fuck. Does she know? Did Minerva tell her the Dark Lord was after her?_ Severus frowned in concern. “What did Minerva tell you?” Severus was panicking internally.

“That you had a meeting yesterday, and that the Dark Lord is now investigating me. We knew it was a chance or a risk – whatever you want to call it – we knew our _closeness_ could expose you and put us both in danger. So, it might be safer to part ways… temporarily, I mean! Just for the time being. What do you think?”

Truth be told Severus was at a loss for words. Never in a million years would he have imagined Hermione to be the one saying it. “I- I… Yes. I think we should. Indeed”. He had been expecting her to cry, scream, yell, cling to him or even beg him but she did not. She was standing there, proudly in front of him, determined to go through, to _part ways_ as she said. If he weren’t so trained to hide his emotions and reactions, Severus would probably be the one crying, screaming, yelling, clinging to her and begging her for forgiveness. “I don’t – didn’t- deserve you anyway. Hermione, I want you to be safe…”

“So, do I!” she affirmed.

“… and happy”.

Hermione smiled sadly. “Well, I’ll try to be… even though I know I’m the happiest person when I’m with you”.

Severus gulped uneasily and tried to lighten the mood. “Now that’s a lie. I know someone happier than you when in my company…” he trailed off. Hermione gave him the death stare, clearly jealous of whoever he referring to. It didn’t go unnoticed and the wizard quickly clarified, “Your cat! Your cat has been following me all evening, even waiting for me in my quarters at night”.

Hermione exhaled, relieved. “Oh, thank god! Erm… I mean… Really? That says a lot. My cat usually hates everyone but me. But I guess I can accept to share you with Crookshanks”, she humoured.

“No thank you. That won’t be necessary”. Severus’ distressed reply came a bit too fast, which made Hermione laugh.

“He’s a kind cat!” she tried to argue.

“I don’t think the adjective ‘kind’ is compatible with cats”, Severus countered, sarcastically.

“Are you scared of him?” she asked, wanting to tease him on purpose.

He scoffed, offended. “Me? Scared of an autist creepy ball of fur? Oh please…” he answered, playing her game.

Hermione pouted and slapped his forearm playfully “Hey ! My baby isn’t an autist or creepy! You’re just a chicken, scared of him”.

Severus rolled his eyes and raised his hands in bewilderment. “Is it chicken day or something ?! Why are you all obsessed with chickens ?!”

Hermione chuckled, surprised by his sudden nonsensical outburst. “Erm... No. Not that I’m aware of”. As soon as she had finished her sentence, they both heard students approach the Potions classroom. “You have class?” He nodded. “I should probably go then. I have class too”. By now, her voice had tightened up and they both became suddenly aware of the painful words that should follow.

Severus was the one to pronounce them. “Be safe Hermione… You matter to me _too_ ”. There it was the tear on her face. The one he had feared to see but kind of expected. “Please, no. Don’t cry. Don’t be sad Hermione. Don’t let the Dark Lord ruin your joyful, dynamic mood. Don’t let him ruin _us_ ”.

_Us. Did I hear correctly? He said us, as in he and I?_ The use of this pronoun was all she needed to hear. It reassured her. It meant that he cared… that it was real. _They_ were real. They were a thing. A great thing. More tears fell down her cheeks. Happy tears this time. Somehow, deep down, she knew they’d be alright. She’d find a way to make _them_ work; to be with him again. Safe.

Severus would have liked to hug her or do anything else to make her feel better, but he didn’t get a chance to do anything as the 2nd-year Ravenclaws started pacing loudly at the entrance of the classroom.

Quickly, Hermione blew him a kiss and whispered “until we meet again Severus” before disappearing down the corridor. Despite missing him tremendously already, she couldn’t help smiling when she heard him yell at his students that he wouldn’t hesitate to turn them into cat food if they didn’t do as he said.


	16. (Not so) Dirty Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “I’m serious Hermione. You have no idea how close I was to hex your boyfriend”. The last word came as a disgusting disgrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,  
> I hope you are doing great? If not, this chapter will make you smile (hopefully!)   
> I had fun writing it and that's an understatement. 
> 
> Thank you for your kudos. Feel free to comment :)  
> And many thanks to Laura, my beta-reader.

**Chapter 15 – (Not so) Dirty Dancing**

If someone had told Severus he’d be experiencing anxiety like he used to thirteen years ago, he would probably scoff and wouldn’t believe it. Yet, here he was, sweating and fumbling with the top buttons of his black robe.

Minerva, who was just passing by, noticed the look of dismay on her colleague’s pale face. “Severus, what is it?! Have you heard from You-Know-Who? Is it for tonight?” she asked, alarmed.

Severus shook his head. “No. The Dark Lord seems to have changed his mind. He asked me to put the killing mission on _standby_ ”. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, the wizard chuckled nervously. “I don’t know if I should be relieved or even more anxious. I have spent the last two months on edge, trying to monitor his actions every minute of every day, for fear that he might kill Weasley and-,” he gulped, “– _her_ , without letting me know first”.

Minerva put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “I know the past couple of months have been tough on you. When was the last time you’ve slept?” she asked, concerned.

“I can’t”.

“Good thing you are a Potions Master! Have you tried a Sleeping Draught?” she asked, teasingly.

Severus rolled his eyes. “It’s not that I can’t find rest Minerva – I’m sure that if I lay down and close my eyes, I’d be out of this insane world in less than thirty seconds – but I _can’t_ allow myself to go to sleep. I need to be awake if something happens. I need to be there if _she_ needs me… I need-”

“-to sleep! That’s what you need!” Minerva cut him off. “You look like shit”, she said deadpan serious.

“Well… thank you”. Severus checked himself again in the mirror. _She’s right. I do… And those cursed buttons are seriously messing with my head._

Minerva who was watching the scene, worried, turned Severus around so she could face him and fixed his buttoned-up collar. “Here. There you go,” she smiled. “You could have made an effort Severus…” He quirked up an eyebrow expectantly, waiting for her upcoming unpleasant comment “-It’s the Yule Ball…”

“And?”

Minerva rolled her eyes at his insolence. “And it is a special occasion. You could have worn a tuxedo or, at least, something different from your everyday robe…”

The look Severus gave her was priceless. “A tuxedo? I can barely breathe as it is, and you want me to put on a bow tie to look like a penguin? Thank you, but no!” he snapped.

“Alright, alright. No need to snarl”.

He growled again just to prove a point. He checked his colleague’s attire. “I would say you look elegant but…” he trailed off, teasingly.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, scandalised, and slapped his forearm. “Tosser!” Severus smiled, proud of his gratuitous provocation. “Stop smiling if you don’t want me to turn you into confetti and let’s go. We are going to be late”.

Severus shrugged unhappily. “I hate this bloody stupid ball”.

“And I hate _you._ Yet, I manage to suffer you just fine. Stop complaining. It’s just one night. You will survive”. Severus exhaled loudly and followed Minerva down the corridor and to the Great Hall that had been rearranged into a ball room for the special event.

\---

Not even ten minutes later, Severus found himself staring at Hermione, walking down the stairs, wearing a magnificent shady pink dress. Hermione blushed when she met his gaze. The eye contact lasted a second but for them it felt like an eternity.

 _‘Survive’ she said…_ he scoffed, remembering Minerva’s words. _How am I supposed to survive when she looks so precious?!_ Severus exhaled loudly. _Alright, stop staring, pervert_. But he couldn’t, not with Krum roaming around her. Severus shook his head in frustration. _Of all the boys she could have picked to be her date, she had to pick him._ It hadn’t escaped his notice that the two of them had gotten closer the past few months. Krum would spend his day checking her out, as if she were a piece of meat, while Hermione would blush slightly and smile genuinely at the Bulgarian wizard. Viktor took Hermione’s hand to guide her towards the ball room and Severus immediately tensed up. _This is going to be a long night_ , the spy muttered under his breath.

“You know Severus, if you want to be listened to in life, you must speak up…” The Durmstrang Headmaster chuckled in the Slytherin’s ear.

Severus sneered and clenched his fists. If he weren’t surrounded by students, he would legitimately kill the Balkan Death Eater along with his golden boy, who was now dancing a waltz with Hermione.

Igor made his way to the bar and Severus rolled his eyes at the predictability of this action. _Some things never change…_ although Severus couldn’t care less about Karkaroff’s notorious alcoholism. What worried him the most was Krum’s hands that just moved to Hermione’s hips.

“Severus, if you keep staring you will soon burn holes in her skin!” Minerva warned.

“It’s not her I’m staring at!” Severus snapped. “It’s that damn Quidditch rock star!”

“Jealous, aren’t we?” the Transfiguration teacher asked, amused.

“No! However, if he dares to lower his hands any further, I guarantee you that I will burn holes in his hands and bal-”

“Oh! Where is your self-control?” Minerva cut him off, outraged. “Let the boy be! He’s only eighteen”.

“And she’s only fifteen! He could take advantage of her…” he trailed off, but Minerva gave him a pointed look.

“The irony,” she scoffed.

Severus rolled his eyes. “It’s different. I’m responsible. I can -” He was about to say that he could take care of her but even that – given the circumstances with Voldemort – was something he couldn’t do, “- Yes, I guess you are right. I’m not worthier than him,” Severus admitted sadly.

Minerva nudged him reassuringly. “That’s not what I said. For what it’s worth, I root for you. Always have. Always will. I _ship_ you”.

“You what?” Severus asked, sneering.

“It’s a word our dear students use these days. Forget about it. I must have got it wrong”.

Al…right. Stick with what’s in the Oxford Dictionary, would you? The ship is sinking anyway…” Severus advised her sarcastically.

Minerva rolled her eyes at the great amiability of her colleague. “Whatever… Stop staring! That shouldn’t be difficult if - as you keep saying - you can’t stand the sight of Mister Krum”. This time, it was Severus’ turn to roll his eyes. Lucky for him, Dumbledore invited Minerva to the dancefloor, which saved him from elaborating a good-enough reason to keep shooting daggers at Durmstrang champion.

\---

Three hours later, Severus’ eyes were still glued on the couple. Of course, Hermione had noticed it right away but chose to ignore the staring. Instead, she tried to focus on Viktor.

 _Alright Hermione, you can do this. Don’t pay attention to him. Do not. Don’t._ She couldn’t help but meet Severus’ cold glare and shivered. _Shit. Focus. Viktor. Viktor. Viktor. Where the hell is he_?

As if Severus could read her mind, he muttered. _He’s at the bar. Again. The Moron went for another drink…_ Except this time, Krum returned with a second glass in his hand that he offered to Hermione. “ _It’s better not be alcohol!”_ Severus growled loud enough for Professor Flitwick to hear.

“Severus let me handle this. You’ve done enough surveillance lately”, the short man offered, pointing at Hermione’s suspicious glass.

“Thank you Filius”. The Charms master approached the Gryffindor witch and turned whatever liquid was in her glass into a pink lemonade. Hermione pouted which made Severus smile fondly. _It’s for your own good Treasure._

Students and staff members began to leave the party, but the two teenagers remained there, dancing. So, naturally, Severus stayed as well. With fewer people in the room, it was more difficult to hide or be subtle, but the spy was resourceful and found the perfect place to stay, between two columns. From that angle, he couldn’t be seen or be disturbed but had a direct view of the dancing partners.

When ‘ _The Time Of My Life’_ from Dirty Dancing started playing, Severus banged his head against one of the columns. _For God’s sake! And he dares call himself a decent DJ…_ Severus glared at the 5th year student behind the DJ booth. _Now these dunderheads are all going to try the damn lift and split what’s left of their brains on the floor!_ Sure enough, two Hufflepuffs gave it a try and fell miserably. Severus cast an _Arresto Momentum_ just in time before the blond witch’s head hit the ground.

The scene had been so dramatic that the room filled with silence. The pseudo DJ called it a night and the remaining students sat and kept chatting quietly.

“Good night, party-crasher!” Minerva winked at him.

“ _Party-crasher_ , really? I’ve just saved this girl from a brain concussion. I mean if she’s got a brain at all”. Minerva shook her head in amusement and left, leaving Severus, Hagrid and Karkaroff the only staff members on duty.

Eventually, Hermione yawned after dancing all night long. Krum took it as a sign to leave.

“Shall we go to my room Her-mi-o-ne?” Viktor asked her.

Severus quirked up an eyebrow at the audacity of the young fella. _Careful Krum. You’re heading into dangerous territory._ He then turned his attention to Hermione who – for some unknown reason – hadn’t answered yet. The witch met his eyes for a split second. _Say no. Say no. Hermione, say no._

“Sure”, she finally answered.

 _‘Sure’?! Did she just say fucking ‘sure’?!_ Severus couldn’t believe this. There was no way he’d let Krum lead Hermione to his room. _Not. A. Chance!_ Both students left the room and Severus followed them until he could reach them. “Krum!” The boy turned around, surprised by the icy voice of the Slytherin leader. “Your Headmaster wants to see you. Now!” Of course, Severus had made up this pretext so he could warn Hermione.

“Al-riiiiiii-ght!” Viktor grunted with his thick accent. “Wait for me Her-mi-o-ne. I won’t be long”.

Hermione nodded and watched him make his way back to the ballroom until Severus’ grave face came into sight. “What?” she asked, concerned.

“You are not following him to his room,” he told her, deadpan.

“Excuse me?”

Severus grabbed Hermione’s arm firmly and dragged her into the nearest alcove, before casting a _Disillusionment charm_ and a _Muffliato. “_ He had five butterbeers, two caipirinhas and four shots of vodka. He’s not taking you upstairs,” Severus explained.

“He’s Bulgarian Severus. He can handle alcohol!” Hermione tried to counter.

“You think?” he asked sarcastically, “well, we are not taking any chances!”

Hermione was touched by Severus’ concern but didn’t want to let it show. She had been suffering for more than two months now, thinking about him all day long without being able to talk to him, touch him or simply _be_ with him. She wanted to give him a bit of his own medicine, even though she knew it wasn’t his fault if the Dark Lord was after them. “It’s alright. I can handle him. We’re just going to chat anyway,” she stated.

“Chat?” He shook his head slightly. “Hermione, you are anything but naïve. Chatting isn’t what he has in mind, and you know it!”

“Then what?” the witch asked, frustrated.

“Do you even want to go… with him? I mean… are you ready?” he asked, clumsily. “If you are, that’s fine but, _please_ , wait until he is sober. Wait until tomorrow”.

At this moment they both heard Krum call Hermione’s name. “Her-mi-o-ne?!” Severus rolled his eyes. “You therrrrrrrrre?”

“He can’t even pronounce your name right!” Severus scoffed. Hermione wanted to uncast the _muffliato_ and the _Disillusionment charm_ to answer the boy, but Severus took her hand in his, shaking his head slightly. “Hermione listen to me. If you are doing this to make me jealous, you can stop. It’s working”. This made Hermione look straight up at him.

It had never been her plan. She had been genuinely pleased by Krum’s interest in her, but the idea of making Severus jealous never crossed her mind. Yet, the fact that he was _indeed_ jealous, was somehow satisfying. It meant that he still cared for her. “No, it’s not… I didn’t-” she stammered.

“He has spent the night touching you and it keeps driving me mad just thinking about it,” Severus admitted, through clenched teeth. “You can’t imagine how many times I wanted _to hex_ him”. Hermione smiled and Severus shook his head. “I’m serious Hermione. You have no idea how close I was to _hex_ your _boyfriend_ ”. The last word came as a disgusting disgrace.

“He is not my boyfriend!” Hermione assured him and gently stroked the top of his hand with her thumb. “I’ve spent the night eying the mistletoe, wishing you could just go under so I could kiss you”. Severus gulped at her admission and his eyes fell on her lips. Hermione conjured a mistletoe right above them and Severus smirked. “Now is your chance…” she trailed off.

He looked at her in pure adoration. “Merlin, you are beautiful…” She smiled again and despite all the reasons why Severus shouldn’t kiss her, he did and ended up _Apparating_ both of them to his quarters.


	17. Coïtus interruptus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “Which side of the bed is mine?” she asked teasingly, ignoring his disapproving look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening dear readers,
> 
> I hope you are all happy and healthy?  
> Here's chapter 17. We finally have a bit of smut! ;) 
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and comments and thanks to my beta-reader, Laura. She writes some mind-blowing fanfics. Make sure to check out her work : https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13675961/1/Fancy-Meeting-You-Here

**Chapter 17 – Coïtus interruptus**

She had stepped so her legs framed one of his, and he could feel her body pressing against him. The witch in his arms was so warm and gorgeous, she seemed to want him, and Snape had denied himself the everyday pleasures for too long. But she was not any witch, Hermione was now probably the most famous witch in the wizarding world, for being Potter’s sidekick. There was no way this could be a good idea or end without terrible consequences. So, against the wishes of his cock, Severus yanked himself away from her, stepping back abruptly. Hermione stared at him wide-eyed, a blush creeping up her neck.

“Severus, it’s okay-,” she came closer to him and caressed his jaw line, “I want you.”

He took another step back. “This should never have started,” he snapped bluntly.

“But it has!” she commented, “-because I wanted it too as well. Because you can’t deny the sexual tension between us”. A groan escaped Snape’s mouth as another surge of blood went to his cock. “And I know for a fact that I can’t deny my feelings for you”.

He wanted to drop the act and take her, right here, right now. But he simply couldn’t and wouldn't. Initiating something with her would undoubtedly lead to pain, hurt and possibly death. “Is there a reason you decided that this seemed like a safe idea?” he asked. He knew that was a low blow, he craved for her as much as she seemed to crave for him. She glared at him, placing her hands on her hips. Those same hips he wanted to sink his finger into as he... _No! Don’t do that to her, you stupid wanker!_ Severus censored himself.

At first, it looked like the fearless witch was going to bark back at him but, then, uncertainty passed over her features. Severus could use that. “If you think this _– he pointed at the bed -_ will be some foolish fairy-tale with butterflies, rainbows and Care Bears, you are sorely mistaken.”

She raised an eyebrow before chuckling slightly. When his eyes went dangerously dark, she explained “I’m sorry it’s just… The Muggle expression “Care Bear” sounds both improbable and terrible in your mouth”. She chuckled once more and quickly sobered her expression and kept going. “I don’t expect this relationship to be all rainbows, butterflies and Care Bears, no.” she answered “I know that it could never be like that. Because I’m a target, because we are at war, because people are dying out there, because we’re both fucked up, because you risk your life every day and never had the time or desire for proper relationships. Believe me, I’m aware. I don’t expect anything from you, truth be told. I just want you in my arms. I want to make you feel loved and respected and to make you feel good”.

His plan had backfired. Not only could she match him intellectually but by Merlin, she was not the indecisive dreamy girl he had expected.

“Deny it if you want. That’s fine but I know that this-” she waved a hand in the air around them “-it’s not just me. You want it too. _You_ kissed me _._ It was _you_ who _Apparated_ us to your quarters.”

The witch raised an eyebrow at him, nearly imitating his own look of disapproval. But she was not wrong. Even now as she was yelling at him, his disloyal prick was getting excited by the way her chest was heaving in anger, under that tight dress.

Severus ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck!” It was said in a quiet anger that so easily slipped past his lips. He was not deserving of her love for so many reasons. Getting involved with her - however innocent his intentions were - would be a terrible mistake. He knew that. He could see it coming. It was a bomb ready to explode.

“This is exactly what I thought was meant to be happening,” she said reassuringly. Hermione was usually not that frank but god she wanted him. That kiss had been exquisite and now she was standing there with damp knickers watching him consider throwing her out or taking a risk that both could end up paying for. Severus was also struggling to put it politely with his arousal and the fact that she was his bloody student. That made him by far _the most disgusting bastard to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts. A bat of the dungeons he no doubt was, allowing himself to paw at young girls…_ Severus thought.

As if she had read his thoughts, she let him know “I reached my sexual majority, you know”.

Severus eyes grew wide _“_ That changes nothing in regard to you being my student,” he pointed out, “this is unprofessional, unethical, illegal, dangerous and so… wrong’.

“Then explain to me why it feels so right! Even Minerva approves the relationship. I know she does. She doesn’t judge either of us. She doesn’t think any less of you.” He shook his head. “Besides, no one else has to know”. She stepped a bit closer to him. Damn him. His want was growing bigger with every word. “There don't have to be any strings. I mean from your part. I don’t want to force you into anything. If you don’t want to give importance to this - to us - I understand. I won’t blame you. Just know that it matters to me. That _you_ matter to me!” She looked him in the eyes. “I want you, as anything you’re ready to give me, but if you want tonight to be a one-night stand I-”

“No!” he cut her off, shaking his head negatively. “That’s not what I want”. The last thing he needed was to let her think she was just a piece of meat to shag. She was so much more. She meant so much more to him and yet, he couldn’t let her know that.

She placed a hand on his chest. Snape worried that she could feel the pounding of his pulse. Everything she said was driving him to accept the offer she seemed to be laying down for him. Whether Severus deserved any kind of respite was debatable but, at the moment, it seemed fitting he’d be allowed something.

“And after Christmas?” he asked, worried.

“We’re not even sure to be alive tomorrow,” she answered sadly, “we’ll figure it out when we get there”. That made his chest tighten in anxiety.

“You are really willing to do that then?”

She furrowed a delicate brow “To do what? Love you? Make love to you? Fight for you?” she breathed in, “yes, I’m more than willing to do all of that Severus”.

“You can’t throw your life away for me just like that!” he tried to reason with her.

“I am not throwing my life away. I’m finally alive Severus!” she said excitedly, “I’m living. It’s like I’ve finally got my head out of my books to actually live and enjoy what makes life worth living: love”.

“But I don’t want you to love me!” he snapped, “I’m not deserving of your attention! Don’t you see? I’m not a good person. I’m a spy, a Death Eater, I’ve killed, I’ve tortured and hurt people. I’m old, not a bit attractive, I’m more than twice your age, I’m your teacher and I could get you killed at any moment!” She shook her head violently ready to come up with arguments to defend him, but he didn’t let her. “You are so smart and pure and young and you could have anybody,” he cupped her chin and smiled sadly, “you’re so bright Hermione, you should know better”. He tried to let go of her chin, but she kept his hand still.

With tears in her eyes, she said “you are one hell of a spy. You put the CIA, MI6, DGSI and GRU to shame! You are a Death Eater but you’re not one of them! How many times do I have to tell you this?!” He was about to protest but she didn’t let him, “You are not one of them!” she repeated. “Yes, you have killed, hurt and tortured. But did you do it willingly? No. Did you want to take people’s lives? No. You were forced to. You had to take bloody hard decisions and sacrifice some lives in order to save yours and the ones of thousands of other people. You are a good man Severus Snape!” She took one of his hands in hers. “You are humble and loyal and admirable, and sarcastic as fuck and I wouldn’t have you any other way!” she then poked at his chest “-and _you_ , Mister should know that age means nothing. You’re in better shape than most of the blokes I’m in class with.”

He snorted. “Not in better shape than this Krum guy”.

“Oh, come on! We both know you’d still win the 100 meters race hands down against him”.

“Yes, perhaps… in your dreams!” he muttered. She rolled her eyes and even though it set his teeth on edge and made him want to remove house points for insolence, it also made his blasted dick twitch as she bumped a hip out and stared at him.

“I don’t give a damn about your age or the fact that you’re one of my teachers. Stop depreciating yourself. It’s insulting. To you and for my tastes,” she stated. “And stop putting me on a pedestal. I am not as “pure” as you claim I am. Far from it. And it seems to me that I can’t have anyone I want, because I want _you_ and you make it hard for me do so!”

“Insufferable know-it-all!” he said, smirking at her with a discreet smile playing on his lips.

He thought she had finished her list of counter arguments but apparently, he thought wrong because Hermione made him look deep in her eyes before saying.

“As for the attractiveness complex you seem to have, see for yourself,” she suggested. Snape raised a quizzical eyebrow not understanding at first what he was supposed to see or what she expected. But when she kept maintaining eye-contact, he realised that she was literally asking him to see for himself, by exploring her mind.

“No,” he refused the invitation, “-you don’t have to do this”.

“Severus, I need you to use Legilimency on me because I don’t think that I’ll be able to put into words what you make me feel, without blushing or dying of embarrassment”.

Severus blinked, then dove into her mind with little resistance. He saw attraction, admiration, and heavy arousal. Through her eyes, he could see her staring at him in class. He noticed her gaze following every movements of his hands, he could feel her heartbeat increase when he spoke. His baritone voice was clearly affecting her, both physically and mentally, as he felt her legs shut up in reflex right after she had conjured an image of him whispering something in her ear.

_So, she had been daydreaming about me in class. Something is wrong with that girl if she finds attractiveness in my hands, my voice and my – wait. What is that?_ Severus had just passed through another layer of her mind and could hear her cry his name. He searched for the source of the cries. _Where are they coming from?_ Intrigued, he poked at several of her memories before finding the one he was looking for.

There she was, laying on her bed, convulsing under a thin sheet of linen that was not doing a good job at covering her naked body despite the darkness of her bedroom. It took him every bit of will-power and self-control not to come at the sight of Hermione, masturbating and crying his name out loud as she reached her climax.

Severus was sure there was no way his mind could un-see the scene or un-hear her voice as she screamed his name. He would make sure to engrave this scene in his memory.

Severus pulled out of her mind and didn’t miss a second before stalking forward and pressing her back against the wall, his lips crashing against hers, hips and body pinning her. He was most likely going to regret this. But he couldn’t fight his arousal any longer.

“No… expectations,” he warned in between kisses.

“Understood,” she managed to say between two moans. Severus could not actually find the restraint to pause even as he was discussing the terms of their little situation. Palming one of her breasts he pulled back and inhaled sharply, though still massaging her _,_ “-and certainly there will be no… discussion of this, with anyone?” The back of her head pressed against the wall, she tilted up her mouth open in pleasure as he continued to apply mild pressure to her breast.

“Of course not.” She said a bit testily at him, making eye contact with a look that said she wasn’t stupid. Severus used his other hand to tilt her chin back up and attend to her neck with his lips and tongue. 

Reaching down Hermione tried for his belt and when he swatted her hands away, she pouted against his lips, frowning. “Patience, witch,” he murmured kissing behind her ear. He didn't sound so sharp for once, his voice was like white chocolate, sexy yes, but also a bit sweet.

Snape seemed to be pulling pleasure from her with the very lightest of touches. His long fingers brushed over her knickers, and she nearly came right there, so much had been building all evening. “Very damp knickers, Granger…” Snape said silkily still at her ear, “If I were to guess, I think you may be enjoying yourself.” Hermione couldn’t speak. She only nodded and kissed his chin and down his neck, her hand trying again for him and this time he let her. She palmed his length over his trousers and Snape groaned low, his fingers pulling her knickers to the side and trailing them over her wet centre _. This -_ Snape's hands on her… _in_ her was incredible, and as he carried her and tossed her onto a very soft bed, Hermione decided that whatever happened after this, whether expulsion, humiliation, or death, it might _just_ worth it. As he kept attacking her neck and sucking on her pulse, she went to remove his white long-sleeved shirt. He was so caught-up in the moment that he barely registered her stripping him down. However, when his shirtless arm met her inner thigh again, he froze. The contrast between his dark mark and her pale pure flesh stopped him from moving. He stayed still for what felt like ten minutes but actually lasted ten seconds, before Hermione’s moans brought him back to her face. Yanking his body away from her, he stood suddenly and grabbed his shirt to put it back on.

Shocked, Hermione sat up and tried to reach for him. “What is it?” she asked worried. “Are you being summoned?” she started panicking.

“No – I just … I can’t. I’m sorry I can’t do that to you,” he confounded himself in excuses.

“What?!” she exclaimed in disbelief. “You can’t leave me like that, like a moaning mess, sexually frustrated!”

“We’re in the same boat,” looking at his painful bulge, he let her know, “-I’m going to need a cold shower”.

“Don’t you dare!” she warned. “We are going to finish what we started,” she ordered in a threatening manner.

“I said I can’t,” he repeated frustrated “- I don’t want to… _soil_ you”.

“Soil me?!” she questioned, having no idea what he was talking about. _Oh_. _Holy shit. He knows._ “Is it because I’m a virgin?” she asked.

“No!” he answered immediately “Why would that be - ” then it clicked. “Wait,” he gulped, dreading the answer “-are you ?”

She nodded shyly. He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling in a mixture of relief and fear.

“And when, exactly, were you planning to tell me?”, he asked, accusingly.

“I…I don’t know. After the foreplay…,” he shook his head in disbelief, “-when the contraceptive potion issue would have risen”. His eyes grew wide as he processed the two pieces of information he just received: _1) She was still a virgin 2) And she was not on the pill either_. _Bloody hell!_ When he remained silent, Hermione asked “why does it matter that much, anyway?” she asked clearly annoyed.

“Why?!” he snapped. “Why?! Because if I had known, I would have never led you to that bed. What if I hadn’t stopped? What if I had hurt you? Hermione, I can’t be your first time. Your first time deserves to be perfect, sweet, tender, delicate. I am none of these things. Do you realise that or are you actually blind?!” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, but he was angry at himself for not having asked her before if she already had sex or was on contraceptives. He was more experienced. He was an adult and a teacher for Merlin’s sake.

“I am not blind!” she yelled “All I see, is a man who hates himself, who blames himself far too much”. He looked at her intently as she considered her next words. “A man who has the right to enjoy himself, who has the right to take control over his life, even for a night. I’m going to ask you three questions Severus. Three simple questions,” she explained. “Have you ever raped someone?”

“What?! Of course not!” he answered loudly, looking at her as if she just went mad.

“Ok!” she said before jumping to the 2nd question. “Have you ever killed a baby or a pet on purpose?” 

“NO!” he hissed again.

“And last question, do you have some terrible STD you’re not telling me about?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“NO, never! Who do you think I am? I would have told you if I had!” he yelled, obviously taken aback by her questions and hurt by the fact she could think him capable of lying about something that serious.

“Good. Then you are clear to make love to me, without feeling guilty of whatever,” she smiled at him. “You are more than eligible to be my first time”.

He snorted and looked at her with amusement before apologizing “I’m sorry Hermione. You clearly trust me better than I do myself, but I can’t make love to you, not tonight, not like this”.

She pouted for a moment before nodding “Ok. No sex. _Tonight_!” she insisted on the last word “- but I still get to sleep next to you”. When she saw him about to protest, she clarified “and just to be clear, that is not optional” she looked at him with a pointed look.

He mimicked her look. “Witch! Bossiness is not a trait that will get you anywhere with me”.

“We’ll see…” she trailed off amused. “Which side of the bed is mine?” she asked teasingly, ignoring his disapproving look.

He rolled his eyes “The left side. And I haven’t agreed to your proposition yet”.

“That’s because there was no room for agreement in it,” she smiled at him. “Left side it is, then!”

“I warn you-” he pointed at her “-no cuddles, no kisses, no cover stealing or any funny business. Are we clear?”

Hermione laughed out loud before agreeing to his terms “Fine”. He moved towards the bathroom door. “Where are you going?” she asked knowingly.

“I still need a cold shower!” he blurted out.

She threw a pillow at his face. “Oh no, I don’t think so Mister! You. Me. The bed. Now!” she made it clear. “There’s no way in hell you get to jerk off but not me,” she stated. “You are going to suffer just as much as I do now”. When he faked not hearing her, she threw a second pillow at him.

“Fine,” he puffed out exaggeratedly. “Damn witch!” he hissed before changing into some pyjama pants and slipping under the covers.


	18. I'm not her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "There’s no competition Hermione. It’s you. Just you”. Hermione grinned at him. “And thank Merlin because I’m not sure I could handle more!” he teased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> I hope you're having a great weekend.
> 
> I'm sorry it took me a while to write and upload this new chapter. Hopefully, it will worth the wait. :) Here's Chapter 18. 
> 
> Thank you Laura for your help. You are mastering beta-reading.  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments. Y'all rock out there !

**Chapter 18 – I’m not her**

Hermione couldn’t sleep. The heat emanating from the sleeping form of Severus was way too distracting. She didn’t dare to move or breathe loudly for fear of waking him up. She was mesmerised by the regular respiratory movement of his torso. She couldn’t help but stare at him, at his muscular pale body, striped by hundreds of white scars, forming a marble pattern on his sensitive flesh. She wished she could take some of them for herself _,_ just to pretend to know what it felt like to be hurt, tortured, marked forever. She wished she had suffered half as much as he had, so she could be legitimately compassionate. She wished she could do something for him. Take away the pain, erase bad memories, be his hero.

Even in his sleep, he had this frown on his face; the one Hermione was getting familiar with. He was worried and she was part of the reason why. Feeling guilty, Hermione tore her gaze away from him, biting her bottom lip. _I’m so sorry Severus. I didn’t want to be another burden in your life._ As if he could hear her thoughts, Severus subconsciously grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. _Too tight. What the hell? Ouch!_ Hermione looked at him, his face now twisted in fear. He was agitated and kept trembling in his sleep. _Ok. He’s having a nightmare. PTSD probably._ He squeezed her hand even harder and Hermione had to bring her other hand to her mouth and bite her fist not to cry in pain. _I can’t wake him up. But if I don’t, he’ll keep squeezing. And if he keeps going, my blood circulation in my hand will just stop._ _Ok, use your brain Hermione. Quick! Where’s my wand?_ Hermione looked around her but didn’t spot it anywhere. She remembered not taking it with her to the ball. _Shit. Alright, non-verbal spell is it, then._ She needed to cast a _Reducio_ charm on her hand, so she could slip it out from his grasp, but she had to be careful not to target his hand as well in the process. In the total darkness of the room, she muttered the magical words and succeeded in freeing her hand from his hold. _Bloody hell, you don’t want to do arm wrestling with him!_ Once she could feel her hand again, she turned to him and tried to calm him down, by caressing his jaw.

“No… No…” Severus whined in his sleep.

“Shhh. It’s ok. You’re alright. You’re having a nightmare but you’re safe. It’s just a nightmare” Hermione tried to reassure him.

“No! Don’t. Don’t… leave me!” His whimpers became more and more erratic.

Hermione frowned “I’m not leaving, I’m right here. Everything is fine. It’s just a nightmare Severus”.

“Don’t. NO! Lily! No! Lily! Stay, please!” he cried.

_Lily_. _Potter._ Hermione yanked her hand away from his face by reflex. _Does he think I’m Lily? He keeps dreaming of her. She is on his mind. Still._ That thought gave her chills and even though they had agreed on the ‘no expectations’ term of their relationship, she couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous and upset. _Lily was the one on his mind. She was the one worrying him._

She started crying silently, not knowing why exactly, until she fell asleep in a foetal position. She didn’t sleep much though and when she opened her eyes, she could feel Severus’ gaze burning a hole in the back of her head.

Slowly, she turned to face the man she was in love with.

“Good… morning? I guess,” he chuckled slightly but frowned in concern when he noticed her puffy eyes and tears stains, “Hermione, what happened? Can I help? Did something…? Why are you crying?” he asked frantically.

“I’m fine” she lied, and she knew she would have to come up with something better than ‘fine’, otherwise he would know she was lying and would use _legilimens_ to find the truth. “I just wish Vold-”, she refrained, “the Dark fucking Lord, wasn’t after us”.

“I wish that too” Severus admitted sadly.

“Ermm” Hermione cleared her throat. “What time is it?”

“Quarter past six”.

“I should probably go back to my dorm…” she suggested, sitting on the bed. She pushed the covers aside, revealing her beautiful breasts.

“Pro…bably” he gulped, mouth dry, mesmerised by the beauty in front of him.

“Can I take a shower here?” she asked shyly.

“Hm?” He didn’t hear what she said, well too busy eyeing the ceiling and trying to ignore his morning wood.

Hermione frowned. “I asked if I could use your bathroom… to shower?”

“Oh. Affirmative” he answered, in a hoarse voice. 

“Thanks.” She got out of bed and sprinted to the bathroom, determined to avoid any further awkward conversation with him this morning.

_Bloody hell, she might have noticed my hard-on … speaking of which…_ Severus lowered his hand under the sheet and to his boxers. He frowned. _Wait_. He palmed himself once through the fabric of his trunks and panicked. _What the hell? What the fuck is wrong with you?!_ Severus blinked repeatedly as to make sure what he was feeling was real. _Alright. Two possible explanations: 1) either I’m very very VERY excited and my dick_ doubled in size _since last night or 2) something is seriously wrong down there._ He freed his member and gave it a squeeze. His eyes grew wide. _Shit. That’s some serious inflammation if I can’t take my own boner in hand. No wonder she got scared and ran to the bathroom. Ok. Think Severus. Should I go see Poppy? No way! Where’s my wand? I need to do a diagnosis spell to check what’s wrong. Ah there._ Severus reached for his wand on the bedside table and that’s when he realised what was wrong.

“GRANGER!” he yelled, examining his hand.

Hermione barged out of the bathroom, towel half-tucked around her, wet hair dripping on the floor. “What is it? What happened? Is _he_ coming now? Are you summoned?”

“Why did you cast a _Reducio_ on my hand?!” he glared at her.

_Shit_. “Well… I cast it on my hand but I guess that because it was dark and I couldn’t see a thing, the spell also hit your hand,” she bit her lip, “- I’m sorry”.

Severus shook his head. “Wait. Why did you have to cast a _Reducio_ on your hand? I don’t understand”.

Hermione decided to play the frank card. “You were having a nightmare and you squeezed my hand pretty hard. I couldn’t remove it from your grasp, and I didn’t want to wake you up because Merlin knows how bad you’re lacking in sleep and-”

“That’s why you were crying” he cut her off. “Did I hurt you?” he asked concerned.

She shook her head negatively. “No, don’t worry. It’s totally fine”.

“Show me your hand” he ordered.

“Severus, there’s no need to-”

“SHOW. ME. YOUR. HAND!” he commanded. Hermione’s eyes grew wide. She wasn’t used to that authoritarian tone anymore. Speechless, she moved towards him and presented him her hand for examination. “Bloody hell, Hermione I’m so sorry!” he apologised, noticing the bruises on her wrist. “You should have woken me up! I should have taken a _Sleeping Draught._ I should have sent you back to your dorm right away. I knew _\- ”_

Hermione exhaled frustratingly and took her hand back. “And here we go again… Blaming yourself”

“Because I hurt you!”

“It’s just a couple of bruises Severus! I’m fine, you weren’t even awake. You didn’t mean it. It’s fine. I’m fine. My hand is fine!”

“You’re not fine! You cried. It was the first night we spent together, and I made you cry in pain!”

“It was not physical pain” she blurted out, her voice loud, matching his.

Severus got out of bed and approached her with a grave expression on his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Drop it-” she didn’t want to argue with him now or to make him feel even more responsible for the mini-heartbreak he caused her.

“You said ‘it was not physical pain’. But I caused you pain, right? What did I do? Hermione, what did I do to you?!” he asked, his voice full of worry.

“Nothing. You did nothing. It’s just… nothing”.

“Don’t make me use _legilimens_ ” he warned, in a threating tone.

“You called me Lily!” she gave in.

“What?” he whispered. He heard it loud and clear, yet he couldn’t quite process what she said. “I,” what was he supposed to say, “-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I don’t remember”.

“It’s ok” Hermione shrugged, fidgeting with her towel.

“It’s not. It made you cry”. _Why did it make her cry, though?_

“It did”, she admitted, looking at her bath foam covered feet.

“Why? I mean…”

“How often do you dream of her?” she asked seriously.

“It’s not…”

“How often?!” she repeated.

“It hadn’t happened in a long time but -”

She cut him off again. “Do you still love her?” This time she was looking him in the eyes.

“I do. I will always do” he answered, honestly. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading to, but it didn’t feel right.

Hermione winced silently. “Yeah. I figured…”

“Hermione, why did it make you cry? Did I say something else? I called you Lily and what?”

She breathed out and started pacing back and forth, in front of him. “You didn’t really call me Lily I guess… you were just dreaming of her and begging her to stay. And it was clear in your voice that _she_ was what you needed, what you were missing. She’s the one you want. She’s the one you’re doing all of this for, right? … protecting Harry, fighting the Dark Lord… You’re basically enduring a living-nightmare _for her_ since what… this night of October 1981?”

_O-Kay… are we really going to talk about the attack at Godric’s Hollow now?_ “Hermione, I’m not sure why you’re upset. Would you help me?”

The genuine concern and honesty in his voice broke her heart. “Oh, Severus, I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m upset. I’m overacting. I’m totally out of line. It’s just…,” Severus encouraged her to keep going with a nod, “-She’s Lily Potter and I’m Hermione Granger” she explained.

_Riiiiiight… Am I supposed to see an explanation there?_ “So far, so good” he joked (not-so) sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not good! She’s Lily Potter. She’s Harry’s mom. The one who sacrificed her life, so her boy could live. She’s beautiful, brave, smart, passionate. She was one of the brightest witches to ever set foot at Hogwarts. She’s perfect Severus and you love _her_. How am I supposed to have a chance?”

Severus frowned. “A chance?”

“With you” she clarified. “I can’t and I don’t want to compete Severus. Not with Lily. Because she’s Lily… and she stole your heart years ago”.

Severus went silent for a minute and when Hermione was about to turn and finish getting ready in the bathroom, he grabbed her arm gently. “Lily is,” he rectified, “- _was_ not perfect. Far from it. And it’s true, I love her and always will but not in _that_ way. She was my best friend. I love her the way you love Potter or Weasley. But we were not _a thing_. The only reason I keep dreaming of her and clinging to her memory is because I feel responsible for her death. I have betrayed her. I joined the Death Eaters and it almost killed her, and then, there was the attack at Godric’s Hollow and I could have saved her. I could have. But I was too late. That’s probably what the nightmare was all about. I wished I could have saved her because yes, she was brave and smart and beautiful and all the things you said. But before you and Minerva, she was also the only person to be kind to me, to not see me as a freak. She saved me in many ways, but she also hurt me in many others” he admitted, and the fact that he said it out loud made it real. He was expressing aloud his feelings for Lily for the first time in ages. Finally putting words to it. And the feeling was strangely satisfying. “Again, Lily was not perfect. And to me, Hermione, you are twice as brave as she was, smarter and truly beautiful. You are all these things too and more. But you are right, you can’t compete with Lily,” Hermione nodded in understanding “- because you are out of the competition”.

_Wait. WHAT?_ “What do you mean I’m out of the competition?” she asked, confused.

“You are already way ahead of any other person Hermione. I’ve never felt whatever I feel for you before. Never. _This_ ,” he gestured at them, “-is new for me. It’s different. And I’m not sure what it is yet, but it’s stronger than what I’ve ever felt before. So, there’s no competition Hermione. It’s you. Just you”. Hermione grinned at him. “And thank Merlin because I’m not sure I could handle more!” he teased.

Hermione jumped in his arms and buried her head in the crook of his neck, taking him off guard. “I’m sorry for the _Reducio_ ”.

“Don’t be. I’m sorry for hurting you both physically and emotionally”. She nuzzled in his neck and he exhaled loudly. “And I’m sorry for what I’m about to say”.

Hermione frowned and searched for his eyes. “What? What are you going to say?”

“You should go finish showering and leave. No matter how bad I wish I could keep you here with me, you are still a target and staying with me will only put you in danger”. He put her down and turned his back on her.

Hermione huffed in exasperation and resumed getting ready in the bathroom. When she came out, ten minutes later, Severus was buttoning up his teaching robes. “Do you need a hand with that?”

He quirked up a suspicious eyebrow. “No, I’m fine. My hand is back to normal size”. _So is my ego! My dick still has the same human size…_

Hermione smiled, sadly. “Alright, then I guess I’ll see you in class”.

“Take care Hermione. Be careful, look out for any sign of Dark Magic. And if there’s _anything_ , you come running to me or Minerva. Am I clear?” Hermione nodded. “I want you alive. I want _you_ , ok?”

“Okay”.

“Oh, and here’s some pomade. Apply some twice a day on your bruises”.

“Thanks. She agreed and left his quarters with a heavy heart because she knew she wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him again any time soon, yet hopeful because she knew he somehow loved her, in his own special-frustrating-mixed signals way”.


	19. Playing Doctors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Do you need to pee or something?” Minerva snapped after hearing Severus huff and tap his foot nervously on the floor for the hundredth time in the past five minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers,
> 
> Many thanks for your kudos. I'm glad that you keep enjoying it.  
> Don't hesitate to drop constructive comments below. :)
> 
> Here's Chapter 19. Thank you to my beta-reader Laura.
> 
> Stay happy & healthy !

**Chapter 19 – Playing doctor**

All the professors were reunited to discuss the second task of the Triwizard Tournament.

Dumbledore briefed Severus and Poppy to prepare some reanimation-kits and emergency potions to bring the hostages out of their induced coma, just in case something bad happened underwater.

"Who was stupid enough to volunteer to be trapped underwater?" Severus asked. He had to know who they were to prepare the right dosage for the potions.

" _Stupid_? I think the word you were looking for was _brave_ , not stupid." Severus rolled his eyes as Dumbledore took a piece of parchment and read aloud the names of the volunteers. "Gabrielle Delacour, Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger". 

Severus’ heart stopped beating for a moment. _No, she did not?! No!_ “Who's assigned to who?" 

"The young Delacour is assigned to her sister obviously, Miss Cho to Cedric Diggory, Mister Weasley to Mister Krum and Hermione Granger to Harry". 

"No!" Severus stated firmly. All eyes went on him. "You should assign Weasley to Potter. According to rumours, Potter and Hermione had a fight yesterday,” he made up, “- he will be more motivated to save him over Granger. And Krum is shamelessly attracted to the girl so it’s a win-win".

"If you're right-" 

"I'm right!" Severus snapped back.

Dumbledore was taken aback by Severus’ assertion but nodded. "Very well, then we will assign Miss Granger to Victor Krum".

Severus exhaled in relief. It's not that he didn't trust Harry, but he knew the Boy-Who-Lived would be targeted at some point. He had enough to worry about as it was, he didn’t want to risk Hermione’s safety.

\----

After the meeting, Severus followed Igor down the dungeon’s corridors. When he was close enough, he cleared his throat making the Durmstrang headmaster turn to face him.

“Severus, my friend, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

The fake smile plastered on Igor’s face made Severus sneer. “How much can we trust your golden boy?" 

Igor frowned. "What makes you think he can't be trusted?" 

"I don't know... Maybe the fact that his Headmaster is a notorious dealer. I have no doubt that you put him on some illicit-substance-daily-diet to boost his performances. So, I'm asking you. Is your junkie capable of completing the second task without having an overdose? "

Igor shook his head in amusement. "Severus, should I remind you that some years ago _you_ were that junkie. By the way, how is your addiction going? I can sell you _some_ if you want".

Severus approached him dangerously. "I'm not an addict. I've never been one. It happened one time, when you took advantage of me in a moment of weakness and made me take that miraculous white powder. I was eighteen! I let my guard down for one night. I've never made the mistake again. Now answer me".

"Why are you so worried about the second task? Caring for Harry's pet?", Igor chuckled "Ah that's right, you've always had a soft spot for mud-" 

Before he had a chance to finish his word, Severus pointed his wand right where the taller man’s heart was. "Just. Answer. The. Damn. Question! How much can we trust him?" 

"He is arrogant and has every right to be because he's excellent. He is a machine. He knows how to take orders and focus on victory. He's power hungry, I taught him well. He doesn't accept second place. The girl is safe."

"She better be!" Severus threatened, before leaving to his quarters.

\---

The day of the second task arrived and Minerva could swear that her Potions colleague was more stressed than the actual champions.

“For Merlin’s sake, what is the matter with you? Would you stop fidgeting?! Do you need to pee or something?” Minerva snapped after hearing Severus huff and tap his foot nervously on the floor for the hundredth time in the past five minutes.

“What the hell is taking them so long? They’ve been at it for twenty minutes! _Champion_ , my arse! They’re so dumb they could drown themselves before even reaching the hostages!” Severus snarled.

Minerva surveyed her colleague’s alarmed features. “What are you talking about? The task started not even two minutes ago. Patience”. Two more minutes passed, and the wizard started pacing, staring at the water in worry. “Stop it! You’re making me nervous. I’m one move away from casting a _Petrificus Totalus_ on you!”

Severus puffed in anger. “Whoever invented this tournament is a gigantic massive distorted twat! Dumbledore shouldn’t have agreed to host it or participate in it!”

Minerva put a firm hand on his elbow, trying to calm him down and keep him still. “You know the induced coma is magically reversible, right?”

“I also know that an induced coma, magical or not, carries risks: lowered blood pressure, chest infections, post-coma nightmares. You can’t put a person, deprived of oxygen for an extended period of time, into a state of unconsciousness and hope this person will come back all pumped-up as if nothing ever happened!” The concern in his voice was unmistakable and Minerva knew exactly what it was all about.

“Relax Severus, _she_ ’s going to be fine,” Minerva whispered, squeezing his arm reassuringly.

Just then, Severus noticed some bubbles appeared in the water, only to see Diggory and Chang appear on the surface. “Bloody hell! If they’re not back within the next minute, I dive in there and do it myself”.

Minerva raised an amused eyebrow and chuckled. “You hate swimming”.

Severus glared at her “No I hate swimming in this damn lake”.

“Why? Don’t tell me the mermaids keep trying to remove your swimming trunks”. She hoped that teasing him would make time fly faster for him.

Severus rolled his eyes. “If only you knew”. He scrutinized the water impatiently. “Krum is a dead man! If he doesn’t -”.

“Look!” Minerva cut him off and pointed at the surface of the lake, where both Viktor and Hermione soon appeared. “There she is”, she said smiling.

Severus watched Hermione took a deep breath and instantly knew she was going to be fine. He breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank Merlin!_ At this exact moment, Hermione turned her head towards him and met his gaze. _Don’t ever do this to me again,_ he silently pleaded. Hermione smiled lightly and swam back to the stilt platform.

However, his moment of relief was short. Two hostages were still trapped underwater but only Potter remained in the game as Fleur forfeited, which was currently raising panic among the audience.

\---

Once the task was completed and every swimmer made it back alive, Severus told Poppy they should do a quick medical check-up on each, to make sure they were all perfectly alright. Poppy agreed and they both made their way to the Hospital Wing to prepare the necessary equipment.

One by one, the candidates and their hostages entered the infirmary. When Hermione’s turn came, Severus sent Poppy to the medical storage room to retrieve some tranquillisers. Once alone with the witch, he cast a _muffliato_.

“What on Earth possessed you to volunteer ?!” he snapped checking her vitals.

“Well, the task required someone dear to the champions so…,” she trailed off.

“So, you thought it was a good idea to risk your life for a stupid trophy?!” His tone was clearly reprimanding.

“Erm… yes,” she hesitated, “-I mean, my life wasn’t really in danger. I knew I’d be safe. Dumbledore put you in charge of the induced/coming out coma process, so there was no reason for me to fret”.

Severus shook his head in disbelief and brought a stethoscope to her chest. “This was utterly stupid of you to do”, he scowled. “Does it hurt anywhere?” Enjoying the feeling of his hand on her chest, Hermione nodded with a diabolic plan in mind. “Where?”, he asked, concerned.

She guided his hand to one of her breasts. “There”, she said smiling.

Severus’ eyes went wide but he didn’t remove his hand immediately. The look she was giving him made him forget that he was supposed to be angry at her. He couldn’t help but palm her breast briefly, causing her to close her eyes and bit her bottom lip. The sight was mesmerising. She put her own hand on top of his and he impulsively squeezed again, this time, more firmly. An involuntary moan escaped her lips and Severus yanked his hand away, just in time to see Poppy reappear with tranquiliser tablets.

“May I ask what you’re doing with my stethoscope around your neck? You’re not a Doctor Severus,” the nurse scowled. Severus rolled his eyes and handed the instrument back to its owner. Poppy made a quick physical exam on Hermione before stating “all clear, you can go Miss Granger. Everything is normal except for this fast heartbeat, but I’m sure it has less to do with the task than with Professor Snape’s presence?” Even though she said it casually, both Hermione and Snape’s eyes went wide, afraid they had been caught by the nurse.

“Wha…What…Why are you saying that?” Hermione stuttered.

“Oh, I’ve noticed the terrified look on your friends when they realised Professor Snape would examine them. All had a heart rate increase the second he entered the room.”

Hermione exhaled and chuckled nervously. “Yeah, he can have that effect on people!”

Severus glared at her. “You’re free to go Granger!” he snapped.

“Right, sorry. Thank you Madam Pomfrey”, the witch said, standing up from the hospital bed.

“You’re welcome dear. Oh, and Severus you can go too. Thank you for your help, I’ll manage Miss Chang’s check-up alone”.

Severus nodded and they both made their way out of the Hospital Wing. “Good night Miss Granger”, he said bluntly, once they’d reached the stairs.

“Thank you. You too. I look forward to my next check-up, Doctor!” she winked at him and left, jumping for joy.

Severus remained still. He closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply, determined to ignore the flirtatiousness with which she had spoken these words. When he opened them again, she was already out of sight. _Impudent,_ p _rovocative, flirtatious, kissable Know-it-all…_


	20. The one where it all goes wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “There will be no foolish heroical endeavours coming from you today. Am I clear?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers!
> 
> I hope you had an amazing weekend? Thank you for your kudos, I appreciate. :)
> 
> Here's Chapter 20. And for this one, let's give a round of applause for Laura - my beta - who did an amazing job at transforming Hagrid and Olympe's lines with their respective accents, in the way JK would have done. Enjoy!

**Chapter 20 – The one where it all goes wrong**

The day started ordinarily. Hermione, Harry and Ron had breakfast together, the mail arrived, and then they decided to start the weekend by paying a visit to Hagrid, who hadn’t showed up at breakfast, which was unusual of him.

The giant professor of Care of Magical Creatures wasn’t expecting to see the trio when he opened the door of his hut, half-naked, with a bedsheet tucked around his waist _in the guise of a tow_ el.

The three students’ eyes grew wide in shock.

“Merlin’s pants!” Hagrid exclaimed, trying to adjust the sheet.

“Where are _your_ pants?!” Hermione countered, covering her eyes with her hand.

Hagrid slammed the door shut, dressing as fast as he could. “Why’re yeh here this early? Yeh’re s’posed ter be in the Great Hall havin’ breakfast!” he shouted from inside the hut.

“So are you!” Harry responded, still processing what he never thought he would be seeing.

Hagrid opened the door again, this time all dressed. “Merlin’s beard! Sorry ‘bout tha’. I wasn’t expectin’ yeh.”

“We knocked! It’s not like we barged in without a heads up!” Ron explained.

“Yes, I know…”

“What if Professor Dumbledore had paid you a visit?”

“No, it wasn’ s’posed to be you or Albus…”

All three students exchanged a confused look. “But you were actually expecting someone?” Hermione enquired.

“Well… uh… I had company las’ night, and she-”

“SHE?!”’ the three Gryffindors exclaimed.

Hagrid shook his head. “Oh-oh, I shouldn’ta said that”.

Just then, the strident voice of Beauxbâtons Headmistress came in the background “Hey, _chéri!_ I stole some croissants from ze buffet so we can ‘ave breakfast in bed!”

Ron couldn’t help but gag at the idea of Hagrid and Madame Maxime in bed together, which didn’t go unnoticed by Hagrid, who slapped Ron’s arm. “Hey! At leas’ I have someone in my bed!” Hagrid smirked, knowing the redhead had some difficulties finding a girlfriend.

“Ouch!” Hermione and Harry laughed. “Touché!”

“Whatever…” Ron pouted, profoundly hurt.

“Go before she sees yeh!” Hagrid ordered. “And nex’ time you wan’ ter see me, sen’ me an owl before”.

“Will do” Ron muttered.

“Have fun, Hagrid!”

“Thanks kiddos and be very careful, I wouldn’ like ter have ter stop my _fun_ because one of yeh is in trouble” Hagrid warned.

“Sure thing, Hagrid!” Hermione answered, and dragged Harry and Ron behind the hut where she knew Madame Maxime couldn’t spot them.

On their way back to the castle, the three best friends couldn’t help but laugh.

“That punchline was brilliant” Harry commented.

“Yeah, well, thanks mate! Jeez… Hagrid is having more fun that I do” Ron complained. “But at least I’m not the only one having trouble finding a partner”. His eyes fell on Hermione.

“Excuse me?!” Hermione’s high pitch indicated that she was clearly scandalised by his implied statement. “In case you missed it, Viktor Krum – your long-time Quidditch hero and most popular sportswizard on the planet - asked me to go to the Yule Ball with him and I did!”

“She’s got a point there, mate.” Harry seconded Hermione.

“Never mind. I see you decided to team up against me.” Ron sulked and started walking ahead of them.

“Hey, where are you going?” Harry asked.

“To work on my seduction skills!” Ron yelled, widening the gap between him and his friends.

Harry and Hermione couldn’t help bursting out laughing. “Oh… Poor Ron!” Despite laughing at his manners, she felt sorry for him. Not long ago, she didn’t even believe she could - one day - please someone. She felt lucky that that someone was Severus. The thought of him warmed her heart, as they finally arrived at the castle gates.

\---

As soon as they crossed the threshold, Hermione knew something was wrong. People were running down the corridors, clearly agitated.

“What’s happening?” Harry asked Hermione, convinced she would have a clue.

“How am I supposed to know?! I was with you the whole time and we just got here!” Hermione answered, clearly on edge.

“Well aren’t you supposed to know-it-all?” Harry joked but when he met Hermione’s dark look, he gulped. “Okay, that was a low blow. Sorry… Let’s find out what’s wrong”.

As they followed the crowd, Professor McGonagall spotted them.

“Ah there you are!” she exclaimed in relief. “Are you both alright? You gave us quite a fright!” she said looking right at Hermione

“Yes, we’re alright Professor. What’s happening?”

“Poisoning is what’s happening…” Minerva answered, just above a whisper.

“Poisoning?!”

“Apparently, the croissants at breakfast this morning were poisoned. Everyone who’s eaten some should go see Madam Pomfrey. Have you?” Both students shook their heads negatively. “Good”.

“No, but Ron had five of them!” Hermione exclaimed, remembering.

“FIVE?!” Minerva repeated, exasperated. “Merlin… Why isn’t your gluttonous friend with you? Where is he?”

“Erm…-” Harry started, uneasily.

“-He left us to practice his seduction skills…” Hermione concluded.

“Goodness…” Minerva rolled her eyes. “Alright, you two stay in the Great Hall”.

“Can’t we help?” Hermione asked. She hated feeling powerless.

“Thank you for offering, but I need to know where you are and that you are safe”.

“But why? We could be helpful!” Harry argued.

“Helpful, Potter?” Severus sneered. He had been standing behind them for a couple of seconds now. “I don’t think so”.

Hermione, who had turned to face him the second she heard his unmistakable sexy baritone, crossed her arms over her chest in a defiant manner. “Professor, we can’t just stay there, twiddling our thumbs, while someone is trying to poison our friends!”

Snape took a step forward and bent his head to Hermione’s level. “Yet, this is exactly what you are going to do, Miss Granger. You are going to do exactly what you’ve been told to do!” he ordered, in a cold voice.

Even Minerva was surprised by his strict tone “Severus…” she called him out, but he ignored her.

“There will be no foolish heroical endeavours coming from you today. Am I clear?” Both students nodded but Severus could sense Hermione wasn’t happy with this agreement.

“Listen,” Minerva started explaining in a gentler way, “-Professor Snape is working to determine what kind of poison we are dealing with and who is responsible for it”. She then looked at Hermione sympathetically. “He needs to focus on this task, without having to worry about _you_ … two”. Both Hermione and Severus gulped at the same time. “Alright?” Both students nodded. “Very well then!” She then turned to her colleague. “Let’s get back to work”.

Severus nodded. “If I find Billy Bunter, I’ll fetch him to Poppy and let you know” he said, referring to Ron. Minerva snorted at the unflattering reference and they both started walking away, until Severus felt Hermione’s presence behind him.

“Be careful…” she blurted out “-Sir”.

He nodded slightly and, with one last look at her, strolled away towards the dungeons.

\---

As they were impatiently waiting for an update in the Great Hall, they thought they heard Ron’s voice.

Hermione and Harry exchanged the same _did-you-hear-that_ look and ran towards the entrance of the hall.

“Ron!” Harry called.

“I’m not talking to you!” Ron let them know that he was still pissed.

“Did you go to the Hospital Wing?” Hermione asked, worried.

“Why? You think Poppy can fix the fact that I can’t get any girls?”

“No, idiot! There’s been a poisoning! In the croissants you ate this morning. It’s urgent that you go see Madam Pomfrey for a check-up”.

“A poisoning, come on Hermione!” Ron snorted, not believing a word. “I feel great and I ate five of them, so if they were poisoned, I would know it. And I would probably be unconscious by now. So would Hagrid and his manky minger!”

Hermione’s eyes grew wide _. Fuck. That’s right. Hagrid and Madame Maxime had planned to eat croissants_. “Alright Harry, make sure Ron goes and sees the nurse and I’ll check on Hagrid and his-” she gulped uneasily, “-date.”

“But Snape said we had to stay here and follow orders-”

“It’s Professor Snape,” she corrected “-and I know what he said, but Hagrid and Madame Maxime could be in real danger right now!” 

“Yeah or they could be doing real _business_ ”. Ron made air quotes with his fingers. “Do you really want to take the risk of seeing his gigantic you-know-what?!”

“What?!” Harry exclaimed, not following what Ron was referring to.

“Harry, take Ron to the Hospital Wing and come back to the Great Hall right away. If you don’t see me coming back in the next,” she checked her watch, “-let’s say 20 minutes, tell Professors Snape or McGonagall that I’m missing, okay?”

“Erm… Yeah… Will do”.

“Alright, see you later!” Hermione started running towards the castle gates again.

\---

Once outside the castle, Hermione climbed down the hill, running in the direction of Hagrid’s hut.

 _Alright Hermione. Nothing’s going to happen to you. Hagrid and Madame Maxime will be having a romantic breakfast, with clothes on, hopefully! And then we will go back to the Great Hall and we’ll all be safe and sound._ Even as she was telling herself that everything was going to be fine, she couldn’t help having a bad feeling.

“Having a bad feeling, are we?” Bellatrix cruelly laughed, before Apparating just in front of Hermione, blocking her path to Hagrid’s hut.

 _Fuck!_ Hermione internally screamed.

“That’s right, _fuck,_ is what you’ll be doing later on!” Bella laughed again.

Before Hermione could turn into panic full mode, she took a deep breath in. _Ok,_ _shields up!_ Her quick-thinking made her raise her mental shields, fully aware that Bellatrix was currently using _Legilimency_ on her right now. She then focused on pushing random useless memories to the front of her mind to dupe Bellatrix. Apparently, it worked.

“Aww,” Bellatrix grinned seeing many memories of Crookshanks, “- you are afraid that your fugly cat will spend the day all alone?” She took a step closer to Hermione. “Don’t worry, doll, your cat will spend the rest of its miserable life all alone! Except if you want me to kill it as well?”

“Please, don’t!” Hermione faked her pleading and started walking backwards.

“Tsk, tsk don’t move Mudblood!” Bella warned. “And don’t even think about aiming your wand at me!”

 _No need_ , Hermione thought before casting a non-verbal _Patronus_ to Severus. She had never done that before, so she wasn’t sure it worked.

“No need for what?” the evil witch enquired.

“No need to be mean!”

“Hahahahahahahah”

At that point, Hermione didn’t understand why Hagrid and Madame Maxime couldn’t hear the Death Eater’s awful piercing laugh.

Bellatrix, who managed to get a grasp on Hermione’s thought, laughed even more. “That’s because they’re too busy banging and moaning!”

Hermione decided that, whatever was going to happen, she needed to buy time. 20 minutes. That’s all, and then Harry would notice she was missing, and would inform Severus right away.

Thankfully, the dark witch didn’t pay attention to Hermione’s thinking, as she kept laughing like a mad woman.

“So…” Hermione trailed off, anxiously.

The anxiety emanating from the Gryffindor’s voice seemed to please Bellatrix, who started strutting around as if she were the Queen of England.

Hermione rolled her eyes out of exasperation, which made Bella’s eyes darken with rage. “Did you just roll your eyes at me, Mudblood?”

The sociopathic witch started strangling her victim with her bare hands, but Hermione still managed to mutter a shaky “sorry”.

Just when she started running out of air, Lucius Apparated next to them. “Bella, stop it! You know damn well that we need her _alive_ for tonight’s feast”.

Bellatrix released the pressure on Hermione’s neck and took a step back. “Of course, Lucius, I know that one must not injure the Dark Lord’s present, I was just toying with her. I wasn’t going to harm her. Right, sugar?” she asked Hermione.

Hermione nodded shyly and focused on casting another non-verbal _Patronus_. 

Lucius looked around them nervously, examining the area, before declaring. “Time to go Bella! Let us not linger here any longer” He then grabbed Hermione’s arm.

“Please, let me go!” Hermione pleaded.

“Not going to happen,” Lucius simply stated.

Before disappearing with the two Death Eaters, Hermione silently prayed that Severus had gotten her two Patronuses, and if not, she hoped that 20 minutes had passed so Harry could alert people to her disappearance.


	21. Not making the grade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “Is there any reason you’ve been breathing like an asthmatic pachyderm in front of my door for the past two minutes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening readers,  
> I hope you are doing great! Here's Chapter 21.
> 
> Thank you Laura for your precious input and thank you guys for your kudos and comments. I appreciate.
> 
> PS: To my American readers, please vote and make sure you are registered for the upcoming election! <3

**Chapter 21 – Not making the grade**

After making sure that Madam Pomfrey would check on Ron, Harry ran back to the Great Hall waiting for Hermione to return.

_Come on, Hermione!_ He paced, staring at the door, hoping to see Hermione’s bushy hair appear any moment now. She had been gone for nineteen minutes. As discussed, he would give her one more minute to show up before alerting a professor.

Twenty minutes! Harry exclaimed, examining the gigantic clock on the wall in front of him. _Bloody hell, where are you? Alright, let’s give you one more minute._ When that additional minute had passed and there was still no sign of Hermione, Harry finally went in search of a professor.

Running down the corridors, he jostled some people on his way including one irritated Professor McGonagall.

“Mister Potter! What are you doing here, when Professor Snape and I specifically asked you to stay in the Great Hall?”

“Oh Professor, thank Merlin you’re here!” Harry exclaimed, agitated.

His alarmed tone immediately worried the Transfiguration Professor. “What is it? Has something happened to Mister Weasley?”

“No, Ron is being checked by Madam Pomfrey right now. But Hermione is missing!”

“What do you mean she is missing? Was she not with you?”

“She was! But then I spotted Ron and had to take him to the Hospital Wing and Hermione went to check on Hagrid and his girl-,” he stopped mid-sentence shaking his head, “-never mind, she knew Hagrid had eaten croissants so she wanted to make sure he was alright. But she left twenty minutes ago and hasn’t come back yet! She asked me to alert you”.

“Oh dear…” Minerva brought a trembling hand to her mouth.

“I don’t know why though?”

That question earned him a frown. “What don’t you know?”

“Why did she ask me to alert you? Is there something you’re not telling me? Is she in danger?”

_I’m afraid we all are Mister Potter…_ “No,” she lied “- not necessarily. She did the right thing asking you to alert me. You know, given the poisoning situation, the whole school is targeted and it’s important for us to know if a student is outdoors. Don’t worry, dear. Go back to the Great Hall and stay there _this time_ , will you? I will personally look for Miss Granger”.

“Alright” Harry answered, still puzzled by this whole ‘if I’m not back, tell someone’ thing.

“Oh, and Mister Potter?” she called, already heading towards the entrance of the castle.

“Yes, Professor?”

She needed to make sure he would stay as long as required in the Great Hall. “If you get bored, why don’t you study for Monday’s Transfiguration test?” She gave him a pointed look that Harry interpreted as an implied warning for the past low grades he obtained in the subject.

He nodded. “Will do, Professor”.

But she barely heard his answer as she rushed towards Hogwarts’ outdoor grounds. She needed to find Hermione or – if it was too late – at least find some evidence of kidnapping. Running down the hill towards Hagrid’s hut, she could sense some tracks of non-verbal magic. She couldn’t tell why, but her gut was telling her that these non-verbal incantations had emanated from Hermione. _Gryffindor smartness! It must be!_ Aside from that, no sign of her best student.

After knocking repeatedly on Hagrid’s door, the giant wizard finally opened it.

“Professor McGonagall, what’re yer doin’ here?”

Frowning at his more-than-usual brutish look, she asked, “Have you seen Miss Granger?”

“Hermione? No, not since breakfast, why? Is somethin’ wrong?”

“She went to check on you, but I guess she didn’t get a chance to do it. And now she has disappeared”.

“Disappeared?” Hagrid asked, concerned. “Why did she wan’ ter check on me?”

“Someone attempted to intoxicate the students and the staff members at breakfast, by putting poison in the croissants. Severus is trying to identify the nature of the poison to find a cure, but I can tell you there’s dark magic behind it”.

“Blimey! That’s terrible”.

Just then, they both heard erratic coughs coming from Hagrid’s hut.

“Who is there?!” Minerva asked.

“Erm… that’s...”

Not waiting for his answer, Minerva passed ahead of him and entered the hut only to find Olympe Maxime, naked, choking on her croissant.

She blinked repeatedly, trying to figure out why the Beauxbâtons Headmistress would be sitting naked in Hagrid’s armchair.

“It’s not what yer think?” Hagrid lamely told her.

Ten seconds after the initial shock, Minerva snapped back to reality. “I apologise for barging in. What I think is that our dear French colleague might be poisoned”. Turning to Olympe, she said “you should go see Poppy now”.

Olympe nodded. “Bien sûr! Don’t worry for me. I will be fine”.

“You don’t know that. Go, now!” Minerva advised her.

“What’re yer gonna do for Hermione? Do you have an idea of where she could be?”

“Yes.” _In Voldemort’s hands…_

“If there’s anything I can do to help yer…”

“If you see any evidence that she or someone else came near the hut, let me know”.

“Count on me, Ma’am”.

\---

Back at the castle, Minerva was now sure that something terrible had happened to Hermione. She could feel it somehow. She had to tell Severus but at the same time, she knew he was focused on identifying a poison that could possibly kill hundreds of people. She needed to let him finish so he could develop a cure and save many students and colleagues.

Approaching Severus’ lab, she hesitated as to whether knock at the door or not _. If I let him know that Hermione has disappeared, he is going to go mental. He won’t be able to work properly on a cure. But he won’t be able to go find Hermione right away either. He’ll have to wait for Voldemort to summon him. If he goes now and joins the Dark Lord uninvited, it will raise questions and put him at risk too. But on the other hand, if I don’t tell him, he’s going to blame me and himself for the rest of our lives. Merlin…_

Contemplating her options, she took a deep breath when suddenly the door of the lab burst open, startling her.

“Merlin, Severus! You scared me”.

“Is there any reason you’ve been breathing like an asthmatic pachyderm in front of my door for the past two minutes? It’s quite disturbing! Did you come here doing squats and push-ups or what?”

Minerva scoffed at her colleague’s legendary unpolished tone. _Very well. Option B it is! Let’s not tell him. He is moody enough as it is._ “No reason, no. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything?”

“What I certainly don’t need is people interrupting me. I need time and quiet to focus on this delicate task!”

She knew he didn’t mean to snap at her. It was the fear talking. He was worried and scared to fail. “Duly noted. I have faith in you Severus. You’ll make it work. You will identify this poison and find a cure”, she tried to reassure him.

Severus shook his head in frustration. “You sound way too confident, Minerva”.

“That’s because I am. Go ahead, I’ll leave you to it now”. Severus nodded. He was about to close the door again when Minerva turned on her heels.

“Severus?”

“What is it?” he puffed.

“I promise you that, one day, you’ll no longer have the weight of hundreds of lives on your shoulders. You are always under pressure, always the one we solicit when something goes wrong – mainly because you are the best of us and the most capable of handling the situation - but I want you to know, that someday the tables will turn and that I’ll fight for you and make sure that you no longer have to endorse these unbearable responsibilities alone. I promise, it will happen at some point… just not today, I’m afraid” she confessed.

Severus gulped, taken aback by her unexpected touching statement. “Thank you. I live to see those days…” he muttered under his breath and went back to his investigation.

\---

Nine hours later, Severus stormed out of the lab holding a crate full of vials. He rushed to the Hospital Wing, where Minerva and Poppy were counting the number of poisonings.

When Poppy spotted him, she grinned. “You’ve made it! You found a cure?”

Severus nodded. “The poison is not lethal. I mean it can be for someone that has a medical condition like respiratory or gastric problems but, whoever did this, didn’t do it to kill en masse. I think it was aimed to create a distraction. From what?” he shrugged, “-I’m not sure yet.

Minerva flinched. _Oh, I do…_

“Here.” He handed the wooden box to the nurse. “There should be enough potion for everyone. Five hundred vials and I could brew more if needed,” he let her know.

“Thank you, Severus. I don’t know what we would do without you and your precious knowledge,” Poppy told him, smiling from ear to ear.

The Potion Master barely acknowledged the compliment as he eyed his silent colleague suspiciously.

“Minerva, is something wrong?” he asked, in a neutral tone.

“Follow me, I need to talk to you”.

Ordinarily, he would have scoffed. Minerva was one of the few people he didn’t have to take orders from, and that was not about to change. But there was something terribly off in her demeanour, so he simply nodded and followed her out of the infirmary.

When he saw she had difficulties finding her words, he understood something dramatic had happened, so he went for the worst-case scenario. “Who’s dead?” he asked, coldly.

“What?” she asked just above a whisper, surprised by his blunt question. She took a step closer to him and cleared her voice. “No one. I hope not, Severus I-”

“Where is Hermione?!” he cut her off immediately, realising that his colleague and friend would never act this cautiously around him, if whatever had happened didn’t involve Hermione.

“Severus…” she tried to calm him down and brace him for what she was about to say.

“Where is she, Minerva?” he asked again, this time more anxious than ever.

“They have her. She disappeared not long after you asked her to stay in the Great Hall”, she explained.

His biggest fear was coming true. Hermione had been kidnapped. “How?”

“I’m not sure. She went to check on Hagrid because she knew he had eaten croissants too. But she never arrived at his hut”.

“That’s why you were in front of my door, earlier this morning. You knew already but hesitated to tell me” he deduced _._

Minerva nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what was best to do-”

He cut her off again. “You did. You did what was best for the Greater Good. You knew that telling me would have affected me too deeply; that I would not have been able to work on the cure”. He pinched his nose. “And you were right”.

“Still. I am sorry Severus” she apologised one more time. “What should we do? Do you think you can go _there_ right now, or should you wait to be summoned?”

“I don’t know” he started pacing. “I can’t,” he shook his head, “- I can’t just stay here. If she’s still alive, she needs me. I must go. But I can’t think straight right now! Why can’t I think straight?!”

Of all the states Minerva had seen her young colleague in, panic was not one she was used to.

“Assuming you go find Hermione and the Dark Lord asks why you’re here. Can’t you just tell him that you wanted to let him know that Albus and the rest of the teachers had noticed Hermione’s absence?”

Severus stopped dead in his tracks. “That could work, yes. Why didn’t I think about it myself two fucking minutes ago!” He was getting angry at himself, and it broke Minerva’s heart.

“Because you have spent your day over-thinking a way to identify this poison and save lives. Give your brain a break for Merlin’s sake! Just for one minute. You just need one minute to breathe and clear your mind before going all strategic and _spy-able_ again”.

“You are right. I need to channel my energy and decompress” he admitted, before hurrying towards the stairs.

“Exactly. Wait- Where are you going?” Minerva enquired, confused.

“I need to find Potter!” he stated, in a resolute tone.

_Uh-oh…_ Minerva tried to keep up with his long strides. “Severus Tobias Snape, what do you have in mind? I’m not sure talking to Mister Potter will ease your mind”, she warned.

“Who said I wanted to _talk_ to him? I’m going to knock him into the middle of next week!”

“And that would make you feel better?”

“Correct!”

Minerva rolled her eyes. “Incorrect! You know it will not.” When she saw that Severus had no intention of stopping his dash, she raised her arms in exasperation. “Alright then,” she lamented, “-go traumatize that poor child!” _As if he wasn’t traumatized enough already…_

“Potter!” Severus roared, when he entered the Great Hall, making Harry jump up from the bench he was sat on. “What possessed you to leave the Great Hall and Hermione?”

“I-” The terrified student tried to justify himself, but Snape cut him off.

“-I don’t want to hear a word from you!”

“But you just asked me a question?” Harry countered.

Severus almost lost control as he grabbed Harry’s collar. “Do. Not. Talk. Back! Insolent, impudent, ignorant brat. You are just like your father”.

“Severus!” Minerva interjected. “That’s enough”.

“Is Hermione alright?” the Boy-Who-Lived asked.

The genuine worry in his green eyes – _Oh these beautiful perfect green eyes! Lily’s eyes_ – and the mention of Hermione made Severus flinch. He took a step back from Harry.

“She has to be…” Severus answered, ducking his head.

“Can I do something? Can I help?”

“Why don’t you start by helping yourself Potter, studying Potions for once in your life. Or do you plan on obtaining T minus for the rest of your academic career?!”

Before the Gryffindor could answer, Severus had already walked out. Minerva managed to follow him.

“That was gratuitous and mean,” Minerva commented. He needs encouragement”.

“Potter needs discipline!”

“I hope it made you feel an ounce better at least?” she asked, although she highly doubted it.

Severus didn’t dignify her with a response. “I’m going now. I need to see her. I need to know she’s alive. I can’t wait any longer”.

“Alright, I’ll be ready if you need anything. Just reach out. Should I confide in Albus?”

“No. I think we are better off without him knowing”.

Minerva nodded in agreement. “Be careful Severus. I know you will do your best to bring her back home”.

“I have to”. He made that a self-obligation.

Not even two minutes later, Severus _Apparated_ to Malfoy Manor.


	22. For the first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “So! Who’s taking who?” the nymphomaniac witch asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I hope you are doing great,
> 
> First things first, I want to apologise. This chapter took me forever to write and I wanted it to be beta-proved by Laura. I think we can all agree on the fact that she did an amazing job, as usual. (For those who don't remember how my first two chapters were without her input, I guess you'll have to take my word for it) ;-) So, thanks for your help Laura.
> 
> That being said, I know how frustrating it can be to wait for updates. So, you might want to read the story once I complete it... which I don't plan on doing anytime soon, because I have a very active imagination and still plenty of ideas.  
> In any case, I'll keep uploading new chapters when I can (more regularly, hopefully!). But as you can imagine, both Laura and I, have jobs, families, friends and more pressing matters going on in our respective lives. And as far as I'm concerned, writing comes after all of this. 
> 
> Thank you for your kudos, comments and patience y'all! I'm grateful. I hope this chapter was worth the wait.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I'm sure you've read more hardcore stuff (we can hardly qualify what you're about to read as 'hardcore'). But, still, I don't want to be held responsible for any PTSD. So be warned, there is some 'unconsented' notions depicted. I know it's a dead-serious topic, but I also have for mission to make you laugh or at least smile, so I tried to incorporate humour without downplaying the sensitivity of the matter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 22 – The first time**

With resolute strides, Severus barged in the manor’s gothic salon, his heart pumping fast with apprehension. He immediately scanned the room, desperately trying to spot Hermione but his vision was soon blocked by a noseless face, approaching him suspiciously. Despite being used to it and no matter how good Severus was at hiding his reactions, he couldn’t help but cringe when the Dark Lord’s pale hideous face stopped one inch away from his own.

“Severussssssss, what brings you here so early?” Voldemort asked.

He should have bet twenty Galleons with Minerva he’d be asked that. “My Lord, I had to inform you of the unfortunate situation we’re currently facing at Hogwarts. The Granger girl has disappeared and-”

“How’s that unfortunate?” The Dark Lord interjected cynically, raising a few laughs among the audience.

_No erratic laugh? No crazy bitch sucking up to the Dark Lord by laughing at his jokes._ Severus frowned in concern. There’s no way in hell Bella would have missed an opportunity to praise and please her Master, which only meant one thing: the evil witch was with Hermione right now.

“Don’t get me wrong my Lord, I couldn’t be happier to teach the know-it-all a lesson but-”

Once again Severus was interrupted. “Oh, is that so Severus? Don’t worry then, my loyal boy. Tonight, I’ll make you happy.”

_What the hell does that mean?!_ “My Lord?” Severus politely urged him to clarify.

“You’ll get an opportunity to teach the girl a lesson that she’ll remember!” he answered, smiling brightly.

_So, she’s still alive and she’ll get to survive if she’s supposed to remember this lesson, right?_ The wheels in Severus’ mind couldn’t stop turning, trying to process what was happening. What he had figured out for sure though, was that there was something abnormally wrong with the Dark Lord’s grin. It conveyed a whole new level of sadistic aura, which worried Severus even more.

“I’d be honoured, my Lord. But I should let you know that Dumbledore has noticed the child’s disappearance and he is determined to investigate. In fact, he asked me personally to find her and bring her back to the castle”. Severus finally managed to give him the ‘official’ reason for his presence.

Voldemort started laughing uncontrollably. “The old fool put you in charge?! That’s good news, Severus! Tomorrow, when you return to Hogwarts with the girl… or should I say with what’s left of the girl hahahahahha,” Severus tensed up at the hidden message he wasn’t sure to get yet, “-he’ll thank you and tell you how he trusts you. He’s such a fool!”

“That he is…my Lord”. The double-agent smiled graciously. “So, I presume the girl is here…” he trailed off.

“Indeed. Our dear Bella is preparing her in the basement”.

“And I’ll bet ‘preparing’ stands for torturing!” Severus sneered, and gulped when he saw the Dark Lord’s surprised expression. _Fuck. Did I say that aloud?_ _I did. Damn._

“Oh no! Bella is merely making her presentable for this evening’s event. _You_ will do the torture part.”

“Yes, please, my Lord” Severus feigned begging, although he had no idea what this was all about. All he knew was that he should find Hermione and leave with her as soon as possible. _But how?_ He was thinking up a potential viable plan to do so when his eyes caught sight of a rather-exposed Narcissa, walking in the direction of the manor’s ballroom in a white see-through nightgown, quickly followed by the Dark Lord.

_What the hell is going on here?_ Severus muttered, under his breath.

“Hey!” Lucius nudged him. “Did I just catch you eyeing my wife?!”

The sarcastic spy rolled his eyes. “You wish… I know better Lucius. I know how it would have turned you on if I did.”

“My, my,” Lucius chuckled, “-knowing you will join us tonight is enough to turn me on Severus” he winked at him. “What will you be wearing?” the platinum-haired wizard inquired, smiling. “Latex, maybe? Or will you go _au naturel_?”

“So, it’s genetic…” Severus commented.

“What is?” Lucius glared at his fellow Death Eater.

“Your ability to speak nonsense like your son, Malfoy! What are you talking about?”

“The orgy!” Lucius answered in a pretentious manner.

Severus’ blood ran cold. _Bellatrix preparing Hermione_. _Making her presentable for tonight. Tonight’s orgy._ He put the pieces of the puzzle together, horrified. That’s what Hermione would have to go through. “An orgy,” Severus whispered, “-But the Dark Lord hasn’t had one in ages… Last time he organised one of those, he got his _attribute_ bitten off by this crazy girl and swore he would never participate in one ever again”.

Lucius simply shrugged. “Who said he was going to participate in it? He will probably just observe and jerk off?”

“If you don’t want me to vomit on your shoes, you might as well put a sock in it, Lucius!” Severus spat.

Lucius scoffed, before going into the ballroom, leaving Severus pulling his hair out in frustration. _I need to go to the basement now._

“Severussss?”

_Too late._ “Yes, my Lord?”

“What are you waiting for? Join us in the ballroom or you’ll miss the beginning of the festivities!”

“I’m coming, my Lord.”

“Already?! Hahahaha!” Voldemort erupted in laughter, attributing a twisted meaning to his right-hand man’s choice of verb, “- not quite yet Severus. The fun hasn’t started, I’m sure you can last a bit longer. Hold it!”

Severus clenched his jaw not to roll his eyes at this worthless debauched comment. He smiled politely and joined the others in the ballroom.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw in there: naked bodies, dozens of them, laying down, with magical ropes around their wrists. Around them, Death Eaters were standing, chatting, drinking, eating, and ogling at them from time to time. Severus even spotted Pius Thicknesse touching himself. Apparently, the orgy had already started and there was still no sign of Hermione. _Well, maybe that’s a relief. I don’t want her to see that. I don’t-_ Severus’ trail of thoughts was interrupted by the unmistakable piercing laugh of Bellatrix. He turned towards the source of the noise and his heart sank.

Bellatrix had outdone herself this time, putting a leash around Hermione’s neck, dragging the girl behind her. The frightened witch was bare-skinned, simply covered by a magical white veil. Severus wasn’t familiar with this kind of magical veil, but he knew that a colour code was applied to them. Red stood for ‘experienced’, black stood for ‘widow that hasn’t been laid in a while’, yellow for ‘unfaithful’ and white stood for…’ _virgin’_. Severus stopped breathing at the painful reminder. No matter how hard he was determined to fight for her and protect her, there was no way she could possibly leave with her virginity intact. And this realisation made him nauseous.

He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them again, Hermione had been thrown at his feet.

“Pro- professor?” Hermione whispered, tears in her eyes. There seemed to be a mixture of relief, fake-astonishment, and genuine panic in her gaze as she looked at him. The panic might have considerably increased when his eyes reflected nothing but despair and sorrow.

Not bearing seeing her down on her fours like a dog or a prostitute, Severus grabbed Hermione’s shoulder and put her on her feet, firmly enough to fake dominance but not enough to hurt her in any way. He then removed the collar and leash from her neck.

Her body started to shake slightly in fear and/or cold. _Probably both_ , Severus thought.

In this instant, the loving wizard wanted nothing more than to cuddle her and _disapparate_ with her. But he couldn’t. Not with all these pervert eyes on them; not without burning his spy cover or putting the whole Wizarding World at risk.

Before they could think of anything or move at all, Bellatrix clapped her hands.

“So! Who’s taking who?” the nymphomaniac witch asked. Hermione eyes grew wide.

Nobody seemed interested in the pile of naked bodies on the ground any longer. All eyes were now glued to Potter’s friend. The ‘white, virgin aura’ was definitely having an appealing effect on the wicked audience.

Severus knew he had to say something now. He didn’t want to be the one to traumatise and hurt Hermione, but there was no way he’d let anyone else toy with and torture her either. If he couldn’t escape the abominable act that was meant to happen, fine, but he wouldn’t let any filthy hands touch her.

So, he spoke before anyone else dared to. “The nosy witch, here, is for me! And I don’t share!”

This statement raised deep and provocative, disappointed remarks among the crowd. Apparently, they all wanted to ‘have a go’ with the fresh virgin meat.

“Quiet!” the Dark Lord shushed them all. “Your request is granted, Severus. You may do as you please,” the double-agent didn’t exhale yet, fearing there would be a ‘but’ coming, “- _but_!” _There it was… “-_ you’ll have to give us a proper show!”

The disgust and shock on Hermione’s face was more than Severus could handle. He was sure that he was the reason for her aversion. And if he wasn’t yet, he definitely will be, in a couple of minutes.

_How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to prepare her for what I’m about to do to her?_ Just thinking about it made Severus sick. _I need to talk to her. She needs to know I’m sorry. I must let her know there’s no getting-out or any other options. She probably thinks I can save her. I can’t._

With that in mind, Severus tried to use _Legilimency_ on her but to no avail. _Of course, she is resisting, you idiot!_ He cursed himself for even assuming that Hermione wouldn’t have raised all her mental walls the second she had found herself in the presence of Death Eaters. The fact that she was indeed doing a great job at _Occlumency_ in a real-life situation, made the Potions Master proud of her and highly impressed. _God, she’s strong… and smart, and I really need to talk to her. But she won’t let me in, not with these traitors around us. But I can’t just penetrate her mind like that. Not without forcing my way through, and I can’t do that. I can’t literally penetrate her twice tonight, let alone without her consent._ Yet, he had to find something. He needed to brace her, one way or another. So, he grabbed her chin adamantly and made her look him in the eyes. 

The look he was giving her was enough to make Hermione frown deeply. Something wasn’t right and she could feel it. _But then again, nothing was right!_ she nervously chuckled internally.  
The intensity with which he was staring at her sent chills running down her spine. She raised a questioning eyebrow, letting him know that whatever message he was trying to convey, she didn’t get it.

_She doesn’t get it. Let’s try something else._ He pulled her hair back, roughly enough so the crowd wouldn’t suspect anything more than sexual dominance on his part, but fast enough that it wouldn’t hurt her.

The sudden gesture surprised Hermione. _What the hell?_

Her thought was interrupted by the whisper of her lover. “Let me in”. From the audience’s point of view, whatever Severus said was just part of some dirty talking, nothing more.

To Hermione, it sounded like a terrible, stupid plan. _What?! No! Has he forgotten where we are? I’m not letting him in so they can all see what’s on our minds. If I do, we’re all dead. Him, Harry, me. Has he gone gormless or what?_ She shook her head negatively and gave him a pointed look that Severus recognised as the ‘could-you-get-any-dumber’ look he, himself, often gave to his students.

Despite _having warned_ him, Hermione could feel Severus picking at the edge of her mind repeatedly, resolute to enter her brain. But he wouldn’t use force, which didn’t make sense to her. _If he really wanted to force himself in, he just would, wouldn’t he?_

Around them, people were starting to kiss, get rid of their clothes and touching themselves. Severus could tell they were all impatiently waiting for the show to begin. But he wouldn’t start it. Not without apologising to her first. The absolute need to get in touch with her must have been written all over his face, because a short moment later, Hermione finally let him in. When she felt she had access to his mind too, she stampeded. 

_“What if they enter our minds!”_ she mentally lectured him.

_“They’re too busy enjoying themselves to think about using Legilimency, trust me”_ he replied in a hurry, relieved to be able to communicate with her through their minds.

_“When are we getting out and how?”_

Severus closed his eyes. _“I’m sorry Hermione. There’s no getting out. Not until we give them what they want?”_

In her mind, Severus’ voice sounded sorrowful and weak. “ _What they want, uh? Which is…”_ she trailed off, not sure of what they were expecting exactly.

“ _Sex.”_ The bomb had been planted. “ _They want us to have sex, right here, right now. And then, only then, we might go back to Hogwarts._ ”

Horrified, Hermione took a step back from him, and it broke Severus’ heart. Just then, Bellatrix yelled “Start shagging her already! Get to it Sevvy, no foreplay!”

Luckily, some other Death Eaters disagreed, shouting something about teasing being the best part. They started arguing, giving the two lovers more time to anticipate what their next moves would be.  
  
“ _I am so sorry, Hermione. I know you don’t want this. If there was any other way, I’d never put you through this, believe me. I know you hate me for what’s about to happen. I hate myself for it but-”_

_“Don’t”_ she cut him off. He couldn’t hide the confused expression on his face. “ _Don’t hate yourself, it’s not your fault. We don’t have a choice. And for the record, I could never hate you”._

Severus gulped uneasily. _“You say this now but, Hermione, I don’t think you realise. I’m about to force myself on you.”_ He had to say the words so they could sink in her brain.

_“I know. But I’d rather lose my virginity to you, the man I love, than to any of these monsters I hate!”_

Speaking of these barbarians, they were starting to lose patience. “I can’t wait for the ‘breaching’ part Snape! Make sure to go rough. We want to see her bleed”. The obscenities kept going, until Bellatrix joked about the bleeding part. “Mudblood! Hahaha. I almost forgot you had a special kink for mudbloods. Now I get why you’re taking it slow. You’re going to enjoy every second of it, aren’t you Sevvy?”

Severus ignored the psycho and focused on Hermione, gently trailing her neck with his index finger. “ _That’s not true. I don’t want to do this, but I have to”._

_“I know”_ the young witch replied, in a shaky voice.

“ _I’m going to cast a variant of an Ossio Dispersimus on you, smoothing your muscles and nervous system so you don’t feel anything physically. But you will still be conscious.”_

“ _No!_ ” Hermione interjected. “ _You are not using any spell on me! I want to feel it all_ ”.

Shock could be reflected in every line on his face. “ _What?! No! Hermione, this is going to hurt. Even if I do my best to make it less painful for you, it will still hurt! Trust me, you don’t want to feel it_ ”.

_“I do! Not feeling anything would be worse for me. It would give me the impression of being used, of being there like a green plant. Do you really want me to lie down like a starfish, numb and helpless, while you fuck me?!”_

The rawness of her words froze him in place. His voice broke. _“No. But I don’t want to hurt you Hermione. I want to make this more bearable for you”._

Tears fell down her jaw. “ _Then, you are not physically sedating me… I’ll be alright. We will manage.”_

_“You don’t know that!”_

_“I do. I trust you, Severus. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose”._ Then, Hermione purposely staged revulsion, escaping his grip. _Let’s do it, before these perverts get impatient and turned that into some kind of gangbang…. whatever that is”._

Severus played his part, grabbing her arm and slamming her against his chest. “ _You don’t want to know what a gangbang is, trust me… How on Merlin’s Earth do you know that word anyway?!”_ he enquired, appalled.

_“I’m not sure. I might have read it in a Take That fanfiction”._ The man who was now attacking her earlobe with his teeth and tongue simply rolled his eyes. _“Hold on! How come YOU know what it is?!”_ she incriminated him.

Now was probably not the moment to argue but Severus still answered honestly. “ _You seem to forget that I teach hormonal teenagers for a living. You can’t imagine how many_ porn magazines I’ve had to _confiscate from them over the years._ ”

“ _AND SO YOU READ THEM?!”_ she punched his chest. This time, Severus wasn’t sure it was staged.

He turned her and started caressing her abdomen. _“It’s not like there’s much to read, truth be told. It’s mainly pictures, you know”._ He didn’t know what possessed him to say that; maybe he wanted to distract her or distract them both from the abomination of this evening, using proper dark British humour. In any case, his words earned him a slap from Hermione, _who was now acting very realistic_. “ _Hey! I’m sorry but I’m only human, alright? Before you, I’ve been alone like… forever… and I’m a grown-up man with needs so_ -”

“ _SO WHAT? DOES THAT JUSTIFY YOU WATCHING PORN?!”_

_“No! I mean yes. I mean… I don’t know. What justifies YOU reading about how Robbie Fucking Williams shags Gary Barlow’s brain out?!,” he countered._

_“OH! Don’t get me started Severus! My reading was motivated by pure musical curiosity. It’s not my fault if fanfic authors always feel it necessary to add sexual content in their writing!”_

_“Right…”_

Just then, someone in the audience – the Dark Lord himself probably – conjured a bed not far from where the couple was standing.

Severus made the mistake of pushing Hermione onto it and, suddenly, everything felt too bloody real. Hermione freaked out and started struggling to get out of bed, but Severus couldn’t let her do that. He had to pretend that he was in charge, so he pinned her back on the mattress.

“ _Hermione, I am so sorry. I am sorry, look at me_ ”. She did and saw the sadness in his eyes. _“Are you sure you don’t want me to prevent the upcoming pain?”_

“ _I’m sure. Don’t cast the spell”_ she answered, sternly. “ _What am I supposed to do Severus? Should I… I don’t know… stimulate you or?”_

_“What?! ABSOLUTELY NOT!”_

_“But are you… you know? Hard?”_

The missionary closed his eyes in self-disgust. _“It will do”._ Truth was, he was kind of hard. He couldn’t help it. The young woman he loved above all, was naked in front of him. But he didn’t want to be fully erect because he knew it would hurt her.

_“Okay, then you better rip off this veil from my body… It’s not like it’s covering much anyway”,_ she suggested.

_“Again, absolutely not! I don’t want them to see you naked. I want to protect you and not make you feel more uncomfortable than you already are. If they don’t like the show we’re giving them, screw them!”_

_“I’d rather not…_ ” she joked, through tears.

Severus winced. It hurt him to see her cry like that. She couldn’t help crying, though. It was the result of a mix of stress, shame, and anger. She was stressed because she was about to lose her virginity, ashamed of being exposed that way and not knowing what to do to please Severus and - last but not least - angry at herself for disobeying and leaving the castle earlier on to check on Hagrid.

_“In all seriousness, Severus, don’t restrain yourself. We need to give them a good show so they can let us go as soon as possible. Do what you need to do. I trust you.”_

With that, the tall wizard removed his clothes, making both Bella and Lucius whistle, while he positioned himself at her entrance.

_“No matter what you do, please leave our mind’s connection open. I beg you, Hermione. I need to know what you feel or think so I can adjust or do something when it becomes too much for you. I need to know I’m not killing you. So, please, stay with me.”_ A tear escaped his eye and fell in the crook of Hermione’s neck. Thank Merlin, no one noticed!

She nodded and he finally penetrated her, deliberately slowly. The sensation he felt - despite the act being terribly wrong - was sinfully good, provoking a blood rush towards his now rigid member. He hadn’t moved inside of her yet, so he knew he would get even harder once the friction would start. Before he could hurt her, he withdrew himself from her vagina and cast a spell on his penis. No matter how subconsciously exciting the situation might turn for him, the spell would not allow him to be rock hard.

Under his weight, he could feel Hermione’s body shake. She was still crying and struggling, and her mind went blank. The connexion was still open, but for some reason, Severus couldn’t hear or read any thoughts. He couldn’t tell what was part of an act and what wasn’t.

_“I’m so sorry. Hermione, are you-? I mean, can you manage the pain?”_

_“Yes”._

It was a timid ‘yes’, too weak for Severus’ liking. He waited before penetrating her again, giving her time to brace herself. But his fellow Death Eaters were urging him to keep going. So, he did.

Hermione knew she needed to feign disgust, fear, and shame, while he had to treat her as a slut or slave, more likely, because – _thank god!_ – she wouldn’t get money in return. So, she kept kicking, crying, screaming, only stopping time to time to reassure Severus. She had to. The man she loved was equally in pain. She could hear him curse himself and beg for forgiveness. She tried to dissipate the tension, using humour.

“ _So much for a perfect, sweet, tender and delicate first time_ ” she rolled her eyes, remembering Severus’ words the night of the Yule Ball, when they were about to get intimate but Severus had stopped them explaining that he couldn’t be her first time and she’d deserved better.

Her intent to calm Severus didn’t work… at all. Instead, the pale wizard turned another shade of pale. A colour that was dangerously close to one of a dead body.

“ _I am so sorry_ ”, he apologized for the hundredth time that night.

“ _It’s alright Severus… I don’t hate you”._

_“You should! I’m pumping into you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s NOT right. You hate me. There’s no other way.”_ He kept beating himself.

_“There is!”_ she assured him. “ _I’m not going to lie and say it’s all I’ve ever imagined because it’s not,”_ He snorted mentally and that made her smirk. _“-but it feels okay. I’m focusing on your smell, your breathing, the love I feel in my heart and in your mind. It’s not that bad. I swear. It could be way worse”._ He shook his head, not believing her. “ _It could! For starters, I could have ended up in bed with one of them, or even worst all of them! Can you imagine what could have happened if you hadn’t volunteered?”_

_“I do”,_ he admitted, sadly.

“ _Well as far as I’m concerned, I’m glad it’s you and not Voldemort”._

_“Don’t mention his name, not even mentally. We’re taking enough risks as it is, using Legilimency”,_ he warned her.

_“Alright. All I’m saying is. Thanks to you, I’m having sex with the only man I want to have sex with.”_ Her mind remained quiet for a second and then she asked, “ _The Dark Lord is noseless, right?”_

_“What?! Yes. How does this have anything to do with us?”_ Severus asked, puzzled.

_“Nothing. I was just wondering if he was dickless too?”_

_“Hermione, could you please not think about him or his penis right now?”_ he begged and flipped her, so she was now laid on her belly.

_“Sorry…”_ she muttered internally. “ _You know what could have been wayyyyyyyy worse than you, pounding into me?_ ” Severus stopped moving for a second, dreading her answer, “-Hagrid”, she concluded, picturing him as she’d seen him that morning, almost naked with just a giant towel around his hips.

“ _HERMIONE!_ ” Severus yelled. “ _I can see your memories! Why would you share that with me NOW?! Why did you even?... Why was he? How? WHY?!”_ he exclaimed. If he hadn’t cast a “turn-off” spell on his shaft, this would have definitely done the trick!

_“I’m sorry… Whatever. I love you Severus. And you saved us both tonight. Again.”_

_“I won’t say it because it’s not the proper time. But you know that ‘I do’ too, more than anything. But the night isn’t over yet. I haven’t saved you. What I’ve done so far is limiting the damage. But until you are back in the castle, safe, let’s not speak too fast.”_

_“Speaking of fast, shouldn’t you speed up the rhythm? I mean… not that I’m complaining or know anything about sexual intercourse, but we are supposed to climax, aren’t we?”_

_“Hermione, I’d do anything to make you feel good and make you come but-”_

_“Then, do it”_ she cut him off. “ _For what it’s worth now, if I can find pleasure with you, I’m all in_!”

“ _You’re not thinking straight_ ”, he disagreed “ _rough sex won’t do you any good_ ”. Out of the blue, she started bucking her hips forward, intensifying the friction between them and catching him off-guard. He couldn’t suppress the grunt in his voice. _“Stop. Hermione, stop, you are going to hurt yourself”._

_“All I want is for you to make me, and the people watching us, feel good so we can end this and go back to your quarters. I don’t feel any more pain. Don’t hold back. Give them what they want. What I want”_ she refrained.

He sped up the pace. _“Is that ok? Can you handle it?”_ he asked her, concerned.

For the first time since they opened their minds to each other’s, Hermione was speechless. Severus could hear her form words in her mind, but she didn’t succeed in pronouncing them. Her thoughts became more and more incoherent until she finally managed to say, _“you can’t imagine how hard it is for me not to moan aloud right now!”_

This took Severus aback. _“So I am hurting you that bad that you want to moan in pain… I’m such a monster. I’m so sorry”._

_“No! I am enjoying you that bad that I could moan in pleasure, Severus”._

_“WHAT?!”_

_“Keep doing what you’re doing right now ooooh!”_ He did, although he couldn’t understand how she could be turned on, in the middle of an orgy, with the Dark Lord jerking off right beside them. “ _Oh Merlin! Oh God!_ ” she groaned in her head.

“ _Not quite…”_ he humoured, despite feeling like the worst bastard on the planet.

“ _SEVERUS_!” she screamed as her walls bucked against his prick.

Severus didn’t dare looking around them, but he could hear heavy breathing and moans from all parts of the room. The sex addicts were close. So was Hermione, apparently. Now was a good time to end the show, he figured.

_“Hermione listen to me. I know you are close; I can feel it. Whenever you are ready, you need to let go, okay?”_ He alternated between slow and fast pumping, and her moans echoed in his mind, driving him crazy.

_“How- How am I supposed to do that? Letting go-ooooooh?”,_ she asked genuinely.

“ _Just relax, don’t try to hold back whatever you’re feeling. Just come to me-”._ Before he could finish his sentence, Hermione cried out and started convulsing uncontrollably. “- _In the most silent way possible_ …”

Too late. She was too far gone. Severus groaned, pretending to reach his climax as well and then fell on the other side of the mattress, catching his breath as he came down off his faked high.

Hermione remained still, mortified. _So that’s what they call an orgasm… Merlin, no wonder fanfic authors want to write about it! It’s the most beautiful feeling I’ve ever experienced,_ she said to herself, forgetting that the connexion was still open between their minds.

_“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I meant what I said the night of the Yule Ball. You deserved better. Your first time should have been a total, different experience and for that, I’m truly sorry Hermione. I ruined you. I’m getting you back to the castle and then, I will perfectly understand if you don’t want to see me ever again”_.

Before she could answer, Severus withdrew from her mind, closing the non-verbal connexion between them. He stood up and magically put his clothes back on. “The show is over! And I’m taking my present with me!” he stated. Some Death Eaters who had already finished themselves gave him a round of applause, while the ones who were still jerking off, booed in frustration. He conjured a sweater and some leggings. “Granger! Put that on! You are disgusting me.”

Bellatrix laughed hysterically. “What? That’s it? No second round?! Oh, my poor Severus. She’s not deserving of your magnificent cock. She hasn’t even sucked it once! One day, I’ll show you how I worship it. I’ll make you come three times in a row, you’ll see”.

Both Severus and Hermione gagged at the thought. “No thanks,” Severus declined her offer and turned to the Dark Lord.

“My Lord, thank you for this wonderful night and thank you for letting me teach a lesson to this unpleasant know-it-all. I wish I could stay longer, but I think it’d be safer to bring her back to the castle now, so when anyone wakes up, they’ll see her and think she just eloped for the night.”

“You are right, as always”. He patted his favourite spy on the back, appreciatively. “You’ve been so good for us tonight, Severus. We should do this more often”.

_Please, no!_ Both lovers silently prayed.

“I’m glad you’ve enjoyed yourself, my Lord”. Severus grabbed Hermione’s arm, ready to _Disapparate_ but Voldemort brought his hands around her throat. Severus tensed up, as he saw Voldemort’s hands tighten, strangling her.

“Listen to me very carefully, witch! From now on, you are Severus’ bitch. You will do as he says. In other words, you will do as I say… Do you understand me?” the Dark Lord threatened. She nodded. “Good.” He released her. “Now you can go, trollop! And don’t think for a second that you or Potter will make it out of this war alive”.

Severus steadied Hermione, securing her in his arms as they _Disapparated_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS : The title has nothing to do with the song "For the First Time" by the Script, although I'm 99% sure that some parts of the lyrics could perfectly illustrate this chapter. I invite you to listen to it anyway. It's a good oldie. ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lqdsCWN6Cg


	23. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “70%?!” he repeated, impressed by this statistic. He obviously didn’t think the percentage of women faking it would be that high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon readers,  
> I hope this chapter finds you safe and sound!
> 
> Many thanks to Laura for correcting my grammar and making me laugh with her comments.  
> [I'm sooooo gonna use the cats toy anecdote in the next chapter. I don't know how yet, but I will.]
> 
> Thank you for your kudos. Don't hesitate to share your thoughts. Enjoy!

**Chapter 23 – The Aftermath**

The second they _Apparated_ into the dungeons, Severus let go of Hermione. He was pretty sure she had had enough of his touch for one night.

He was wrong. Hermione interpreted this gesture as rejection. Maybe she had disgusted him. She tried to meet his eyes, but he kept looking away. _So, I have disgusted him. He can’t even look at me anymore,_ the witch deduced. _Absolutely brilliant._ _My self-esteem went from 100 to 0 relatively fast!_

They remained still and silent in the cold of the dungeon corridor for a minute until Severus found the ability to speak. “What do you need?” he asked, voice trembling.

What did she need? She didn’t even know where to begin. “Erm- A shower, if that’s okay?”

“What?” he sucked in a breath.

“I’d like to take a shower”.

“No- I mean… of course you can, you don’t even have to ask, but I was thinking that perhaps you would like me to-”

“-to what? _Obliviate_ me?”

“Yes, something like that” he gulped, uneasily.

“No!” she replied firmly. “Do _you_ want me to _obliviate_ you?” she asked shyly, worried that the night had been so terrible for him that he’d want to forget all about it. _Could I blame him if he wanted to, though? It has indeed been a terrible night._

“No.” _I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to forget what I’ve done to you…_ Severus was too absorbed in his self-loathing internal monologue that he didn’t hear her talk. “What did you just say?”

“Can I stay in your quarters tonight, please?”

He was surprised that she wanted to spend what was left of the night in his quarters, but he agreed nonetheless. “Yes. You can use my bathroom, my bed, and stay as long as you want.”

“Thank you”.

Severus shut his eyes tight and clenched his fists. If he had to listen to her thank him once more, he’d go mad. She was supposed to hate him. Not bloody thank him! “Please, stop! Stop thanking me. I didn’t do anything that requires you to be grateful to me” he spat.

Hermione was taken aback by this outburst and simply nodded. Arguing with him now was probably the last thing she wanted to do anyway. “Alright, then. I’ll go ahead” she mumbled.

The wizard didn’t know what to do. Should he escort her to his quarters? Should he be there with her? He simply didn’t know. So, he did nothing but watch her go, shameful. Less than two minutes later though, he felt the irrepressible need to check on her. When he reached the door of his quarters, he heard her crying, and that sound broke what remained unbroken in his heart. He thought that maybe she needed space. Once again, he thought wrong but didn’t know that yet. So instead of entering and comforting her, he turned on his heels and walked away.

\---

Minerva was worried sick, pacing in circles in her quarters. She had already drunk five liters of chamomile to calm her nerves, in vain. All her senses were on alert, waiting for her dear colleague and student to come back. No wonder she felt Severus’ presence fifteen meters away from her quarters. So, when he finally reached her door, it was already wide open.

It took her one glance, just one glimpse at his face, to know something atrocious had happened. She had seen this ghastly expression on him once before, the day he had told her to remove Lily Potter’s contact information from the Hogwarts’ alumni book because she was dead.

Fearing the worst, Minerva leaned against the back of a chair for support. “Is she alive?” She highly doubted it, but she had to ask.

One single tear rolled down Severus’ jaw before he replied in a weak voice “Barely”.

The witch exhaled, a bit relieved. However, her usual sharp sixth sense seemed blurred. She couldn’t tell if Hermione would survive. “Will she make it?”

The pale wizard tilted his head. “She’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. She should”.

Minerva nodded. _But if she’s going to make it, why this face?_ “What is it, Severus? Where is she?”

Severus took a deep breath and managed to steady his voice. “Hermione is in my quarters. You should check on her. She needs _you_ ”. Minerva frowned but kept listening. “In my bathroom cupboard, second shelf, you will find a jar with transparent balm in it. I need you to apply some on her bruises”. He waited for her colleague to nod before continuing. “On the third shelf, there are diamond-shaped pills. These will help with the soreness. She needs to take three of them. Once you’ve done that, I need you to-”.

“Severus” she cut him off. “I will do every single thing you ask me to do, but why can’t you do it yourself? Do you need to go back there? You look dreadful, I don’t want you to go back, I-”

He ignored her interruption and kept giving instructions in a robotic voice. “- Then, I need you to bring her to Poppy”. He gulped. “She will need a gynaecological exam”. As soon as these two words left his mouth, he saw the blood drain from Minerva’s face and couldn’t control the tears falling from his eyes anymore. She brought a hand to her gaping mouth, horrified. She wanted to say something - anything - but remained speechless. “No need for Poppy to order a rape kit” he concluded with a broken voice.

_Why not? The main point of a rape kit is precisely to collect evidence and DNA against the rapist. If we have tangible, scientific proof we can send this son of a bitch to Azkaban. Death Eater or not, rape is considered as an unforgivable crime. Whoever did this will rot in prison for the rest of his life. That could be our chance to – Hold on._ It took her a minute to process the last part of his statement but when she looked at Severus’ martyrised face, she understood. It was him. He had done this to her. When the realisation hit her, she launched forward and hugged him as tight as she could. “Oh, Severus…”

The mortified wizard stiffened. He had expected her to _Avada Kedavra_ him or, at least _hex_ him long enough for his dick to drop. But never in a million years, he would have predicted “hugging” on his bingo board. “Let go of me,” he snapped. She didn’t.

“You had no choice. You. Had. No. Choice. You did what you had to do to keep her alive” she told him, firmly enough for the words to sink in.

After remaining still as a statue, his body started to shake uncontrollably in his colleague’s embrace. “Let go of me!” he pleaded.

“Not before you hear me out, son. You are not a rapist. I know it. You know it. Hermione knows it. You had no choice. You did what needed to be done and you did it _for her_. You did it so she could have a chance. You gave her a chance; do you hear me? No one will blame you for that. And I don’t want you to blame yourself for it either. You saved her life. Period.”

“Minerva, go! Go see her,” he ordered, fiercely “-I don’t need you. _She_ needs you!”.

This time Minerva obliged; she took a step back but cupped his face in her hands. He closed his eyes; pretty sure he couldn’t handle the pity that would undoubtedly be in her gaze.

“Look at me, Severus”. He didn’t. “Look. At. Me.” When he opened his eyes to look at her, he didn’t see pity. No, he would have recognised it if it had been pity. He was used to it. But what he saw was something he had only witnessed in Hermione’s eyes: admiration and caring. “You are a good man. And I love you for what you had to do tonight to save her”.

He shook his head negatively, ready to call her ‘nuts’, but Minerva didn’t give him a choice to do so and hurried down the corridor. She walked back though to ask him one last question. “What about a contraceptive? Should we give her the morning after pill?”

Severus closed his eyes in shame again. “That won’t be necessary, no”.

“Oh,” Minerva slowly nodded “-Alright. Bathroom is the second door on your right. Take a bath and burn these clothes, would you? They can only remind you of bad memories. I will give you an update on Hermione as soon as I can. In the meantime, you should try to sleep” she waved at her bedroom. “The sheets are clean. No risk for you to smell like the ‘old granny’ you think I am” she said overdramatically, hoping to lighten the mood. Severus puffed and rolled his eyes which Minerva will considered a victory in her attempt at making him feel a bit better.

\---

Minerva knocked on the door of Severus’ quarters, when the timid voice of her favourite student came from the other side. “Severus, these are your quarters. You don’t have to knock before-”

“It’s Professor McGonagall. Severus asked me to make sure you didn’t need anything”.

_Oh, shit shit shit shit shit! I’m wrapped in a towel, hair still wet from the shower. She can’t see me like this! Why did he have to talk to her anyway?!_ “Oh- I.. Erm- I’m fine, thank you. I appreciate your concern, but you should go back to sleep Professor-”

“Minerva”.

“Excuse me?”

“You can call me Minerva, Miss Granger”.

Hermione’s surprise reached another level. _Why on Earth?_ “I… can? But you are my Professor”.

“Not tonight. Tonight, I’m your friend, grandmother, godmother, punch bag, whatever you need. And lucky you, I’m a Transfiguration Professor” she humoured.

There was no way her Headmistress would be that friendly unless she knew exactly what had happened. _Great, now my role model is going to pity me_. Hermione cast a drying spell on her hair and put on the first shirt she could find before reluctantly opening the door. “So, he told you, didn’t he?”

Minerva nodded. “If it makes you feel better, he had no choice. I made him speak” she lied. Severus had come to talk to her naturally and she was thankful he did. But she had the feeling that Hermione was embarrassed that he had told her what had happened.

Fantastic. Now the young witch felt bad. “You didn’t hex him, did you?”

Minerva smirked. “No, I didn’t. I don’t think he deserves it, does he?” Hermione shook her head negatively. “You know he had no choice, right?”

“Oh, he did… He could have let me be raped by someone else, maybe by all of them; he could have let me die but he decided not to, and I’m grateful! I’m just…” she trailed off.

“Hurt?”

“No. Ashamed.”

“Oh dear, listen to me. You are the bravest-” she was about to say ‘child’ but refrained, “-young woman I know. Trust me when I say there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, for you to be ashamed of. No one else, except me and Severus, has to know what happened. And you know perfectly well that we are not judging you. So, don’t be too harsh on yourself Miss Granger.”

“Hermione.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Since we’re on a first name basis… tonight, I mean”.

“Sure thing, Miss Gran- Hermione”. Both women chuckled. “You’ve been exposed in some monstruous ways. The nature of that kind of attack is so shocking to a person's system that a lot of times the way you respond in those first moments afterwards can go six ways to Sunday. Whatever pain, feeling or state of rage you might be experiencing right now is valid. The important thing is to not keep them within. So, feel free to share them with me”.

The girl nodded but remained silent. Then, without saying a word, the dedicated teacher entered Severus’ bathroom and came back with the balm and pills in hand. “You need to take these.” She gestured to the medicine and offered her a glass of water. “It will help with the soreness. And if you are alright with me touching you, I’m going to apply this balm to your arms, knuckles and neck. But there’s no obligation here. If you don’t want me to-”

“It’s alright, you can do it” she cut her off. “Thank you for doing this”.

“Don’t mention it. You are very welcome,” the healer replied with a warm smile on her face and started applying the balm on her student’s arms. They remained quiet for a couple of minutes until Hermione broke the silence.

“He didn’t come” she blurted out.

“Who didn’t come where?” Minerva asked, clueless, and kept applying the soothing salve on the girl’s neck.

“Severus,” Hermione replied with a ‘duh’ written all over her face “- he didn’t come”.

“Come where, dear?”

“Err… well… _in me_ , I guess”.

“MERLIN, HAVE MERCY!” the scandalised witch exclaimed. She clearly hadn’t seen that coming.

“I’m sorry,” Hermione winced.

“No, don’t be. It just caught me off guard. I thought you were talking about a specific location not… Anyway. So, he didn’t reach completion and…” she urged her to keep going.

“Well, I must be very bad in bed.”

Out of nowhere, Minerva stood up and faced Hermione, looking at her right in the eye. “Hermione Jean Granger!” she snapped, startling the poor girl.

“Are we on a full name basis now?” she asked, confused.

“I am using your full name, Hermione Jean Granger, because I’m about to give you the sermon of your life!” The elder witch now had her hands on her hips and looked quite threatening.

Hermione’s eyes grew wide in terror. Merlin knows that a mad Professor McGonagall could actually be as scary – if not more – as an army of Death Eaters. ‘Disappointed Professor McGonagall’ was in the top 5 of Hermione’s boggarts after 1) Getting expelled from Hogwarts 2) Getting something other than an “A+” on an exam 3) Losing her parents 4) Losing Severus. _Ok, maybe not in that order_ , she thought. But still, the mad version of her favourite teacher would definitely come right after. “Wha-? Why? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t you ever - _EVER_ – feel bad for a man that hasn’t reached climax! You are in no way responsible for this. Don’t underestimate yourself, young lady! As long as you took pleasure – which I doubt you did, given the circumstances – nothing else matters. Call me an ‘extreme feminist’ all you want, but there are too many women out there trying so hard to please their men that they forget about their own needs, joy and orgasms-”

_Awkward_ … Hermione thought, staring at her Head of House.

“I’m not done! You are as clever as the devil and twice as pretty! The fact that he didn’t come isn’t a failure. Don’t reduce yourself to some fluffer, you hear me?”

The stunned witch nodded. _What on Earth is a fluffer? Should I ask? Probably not…_ Instead, Hermione made a mental note to ask Severus one of these days. If the previous events of that night hadn’t traumatized her yet, this would! 

“Good. Now we should probably go see Poppy”.

“I really don’t think that’s necessary. I’m feeling good”.

“Then it won’t take long”. The witch sadly smiled at the sight of a reticent Hermione. “But both Severus and I would be reassured if she could take a quick look at you”. The young Gryffindor nodded. “Nice shirt, by the way. A bit over-sized, but nice” Minerva smirked, recognizing her colleague’s taste in black clothing.

Hermione looked down at what she was wearing and cringed. “Please, don’t tell him I’m wearing his shirt. He’s going to kill me”.

“He won’t. Do you want me to conjure some clothes before we go to the Hospital Wing?”

“Oh, don’t bother. I can do it myself. I don’t know why I haven’t thought about doing it before”.

“Great! Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” Hermione answered, while getting properly dressed.

“Where was your wand? I mean… During the whole evening, where was it? Did they take it from you?”

“No, I didn’t give them a chance to do so. I was too afraid that they would break it, so I cast a non-verbal _Vanishing_ spell on it, right before we left Hogwarts’ grounds.”

“Brilliant. Simply and utterly brilliant!” Minerva stated, proudly. “200 points to Gryffindor!”

“Wait? Seriously?!” Hermione cheered.

“As serious as Severus’ face when he will see the House Points Trackers’ new score”. This made Hermione laugh way harder than expected. “Shall we?” Minerva waved at the fireplace, inviting her protégée to _Disapparate_ with her to the infirmary.

\---

Once there, they were welcomed by a yawning Madam Pomfrey. “I’m sorry,” the nurse apologised “-I wasn’t expecting to be flooded in the middle of the night. What happened? Are you alright Miss Granger?”

Minerva simply told Poppy that Hermione needed a gynaecological exam, without giving more details. The nurse’s eyes grew wide. Not that she wasn’t used to teenagers losing their virginity but _Hermione… I’ll be damned_ , Pomfrey shook her head in disbelief.

She guided Hermione to an examination table and closed the curtain so they could get more privacy.

“Alright dear, I’m going to do a pelvic examination. I need you to lay down and put your feet in the stirrups.”

“Do we really have to do this?”

“I’m afraid so. I’m sorry. It won’t be comfortable but don’t worry, it will be quick. If you feel any pain, let me know. Alright?”

Five minutes later, the curtain opened again. “Perfect. Everything is in order”. Both Gryffindors exhaled in relief. After an unnecessary lesson on safe sex and contraceptive methods, they thanked Madam Pomfrey and left the Hospital Wing.

“It’s 4:30am, you should probably go to bed Hermione”. The girl nodded. “Do you want to sleep in your bed or…” she trailed off.

“Can I sleep in Severus’ quarters, please?”

“I thought so…” Minerva shook her head in desolation. “Back to the quarters it is, then”. She winked at her student before making them both _Apparate_ to the Potions Master bedroom.

Hermione climbed into Severus’ bed way too casually in the Gryffindor Headmistress’ opinion. No doubt she had slept in it before. “Thank you for your help Minerva”.

“Thank _you_ for your bravery Hermione. You made me very proud tonight. As usual.” The elder witch smiled. “Now if you don’t mind, I promised Severus I would give him an update on you…”

“Oh! Sure, go. I don’t want him to worry. Please, tell him it wasn’t his fault”. Minerva nodded. “And can you also tell him that I’d prefer it if he spent the rest of the night with me? Oh, and tell him that I love him, would you?”

Minerva smiled brightly. “I will let him know. Now, off to bed Miss Granger!”

“Goodnight, Professor”.

“Goodnight”. She tucked her in, cast a _Nox_ spell to turn off the lights and left.

\---

When Minerva entered her quarters, she was met with a strong burning smell and an alarmed Severus.

“How is she? What did Poppy say? Is she going to be alright? Does she need stitches _down there_?”

“Slow down! Why would she need bloody stitches?!”

“Well, I tried to be as gentle as possible but eventually I-”

Before he could say another word, Minerva shushed him by raising a hand in front of his face. “No! She didn’t need any stitches. Thank Merlin! Everything is like it’s supposed to be down there. And before you ask, yes, I gave her the balm and three diamond-shaped pills”.

“Good. Has she stopped crying?” he asked, worried.

“She has. I think you two should talk.”

“I don’t think she wants me to-”.

“She does. In fact, she told me she’d prefer if you spent the rest of the night with her”.

Severus frowned in concern. “She must not be thinking clearly. She has to hate me…”

“Quite the contrary. She loves you, Severus. She doesn’t blame you for anything. She’s grateful. Do you want to know what really bothers her?” He nodded. “Well…” Minerva started.

“Yes?”

“Well…” She wasn’t sure how to phrase it.

“Oh, come on! Spit it if you don’t want me to use _Legilimency_ on you woman!”

“Apparently, you didn’t come!” Minerva finally blurted out.

“Come where?” he asked. This time, it was his turn to be clueless.

Minerva rolled her eyes. He wasn’t making it easier. Dreading the conversation that would follow, she cleared her throat before answering “ _In_ her”.

Severus opened his mouth but quickly closed it when he realised the meaning of the sentence. He slanted both eyebrows in a ‘what-the-hell?!’ expression. “Of course I didn’t come! How could I?!” he yelled in defence. “We were in the middle of a crowded room. All eyes were on us! How was I supposed to-” he looked at his appalled colleague and decided to stop talking, before he gave the poor woman a heart attack.

“So, you _faked_ it?” she enquired.

_Maybe she’s not as chaste as she looks after all…_ Severus mentally noted her colleague’s curiosity. He raised his arms in frustration. “Yes, I did. Don’t tell me you never faked it!” he pointed an accusing finger at her.

“What-?” Minerva exclaimed, clearly not prepared for that statement. “Of course, I did! So do 70% of women in general”.

“70%?!” he repeated, impressed by this statistic. He obviously didn’t think the percentage of women faking it would be that high. “See! So, what’s the problem?” he snarled.

“Well, she thought it was her fault. That’s why she’s upset.”

“Come again?”

Minerva gave him an unamused look at his bad choice of words. “The girl’s only trauma is that she thinks you were disappointed in her sexual abilities.”

“I was not!” he babbled. “She’s been great, I mean, I-”

Minerva covered her ears. “I don’t want to hear it!” she interrupted him. “All I’m saying is that she needs reassurance from you on that matter”. Severus mumbled something that she didn’t catch but the witch couldn’t care less. She approached her bedroom and frowned. “Why does it smell like burnt toast?” Severus shrugged but didn’t say a thing. She then opened the door of her bedroom and a thick black smoke escaped from it. “YOU BURNT YOUR CLOTHES IN MY BEDROOM?!”

“Well, yes”.

“WHY?!” she asked, infuriated. “The fireplace is right there!” she indicated.

“I didn’t know if you would use the Floo network,” he explained, “- Plus, I took the liberty to burn the set of hideous red socks displayed on your dresser that you were - without a doubt - going to offer me at Christmas. You know I hate red. And socks as well, for the record.” If Minerva were cartoonified right now, she would have smoke coming out of her nose. “Don’t sweat Minerva, I don’t need any presents”. The last part of his sentence didn’t have the expected effect. It seemed to have enraged her more. Realising this, Severus started to fear for his life. He quickly cast a spell to get rid of the smoke and the burning odour and replaced it with a sweet scent of lavender. “Better?” he asked, politely.

“Lavender? Bloody lavender? You really think I’m an old granny, don’t you?!” she exclaimed.

“Well-”

“SEVERUS TOBIAS SNAPE GET OUT OF MY QUARTERS! NOW!”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

After taking a moment of introspection at the top of the astronomy tower, he went back to his quarters and found Hermione sound asleep, under his covers. He sat on a chair right next to the bed and watched her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random question for you lads: is there anyone with both good HP & SPN knowledge out there?   
> If so, please let me know. ;-)


	24. The word that must not be explained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: “So, what exactly does ‘resting’ consist of?” she asked, with a devilish grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening!
> 
> I hope you are safe and happy. I wish you the very best for the end of this chaotic year... 
> 
> Here's Chapter 24. Special thanks to Laura for beta-reading the fruit of my twisted imagination. 
> 
> Enjoy & have a wonderful Christmas!  
> Take care x

**Chapter 24 – The word that must not be explained**

Sometime around 10am, Hermione cracked her eyes open, feeling groggy. However, the dizziness quickly disappeared to be replaced by horror when she became aware of the familiar obscurity of Severus’ quarters.

“Shit!” she exclaimed, startling a drowsy Severus. Without a sound, the wizard straightened up in the chair he had spent the night on, watching over Hermione with concern. “What time is it? Did I oversleep? Shit. Shit. Shit. Please, tell me I haven’t overslept!” she prayed to herself or any god out there who might listen, totally clueless that Severus was sitting not far from the opposite side of the bed.

The concern on Severus’ face turned into amusement when he saw Hermione reach her wand and conjure a clock. _She seems to be doing alright_ , he noted, relieved. He observed her intently as she tried to read the numbers on it, the darkness of the room making it hard for her to see. _Wouldn’t it be easier to cast a lumos?_ he snorted internally, shaking his head fondly at the mess that Hermione was in front of him. He saw her squint her eyes then blink repeatedly.

“10:05 am?! Five past fucking ten?!” she straightened up in bed “Nooooooo!” she cried out “What day is it?” Severus was about to answer but Hermione didn’t give him a chance. “Tuesday!” she answered her own question, before doubting it. “Tuesday, right? Which means…,” she trailed off, thinking “-I’m five minutes late to my Arithmancy class!” She jumped out of bed and started fumbling hastily with the sheet somehow still trapped around her ankles. The whole situation made Severus smirk first and then gulp when he noticed she was wearing his shirt. “Professor Vector is sooo gonna kill me!” she swore under her breath.

“Let her try…” Severus snorted in his usual baritone clipped voice, finally making his presence known. Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin and swivelled her head to face a serious-looking Severus.

After the initial shock passed, confusion set in. “You can’t be here!”

Severus raised a surprised eyebrow. “I cannot?”

“No!”

He misinterpreted her words as a reproach and dropped his gaze. “I apologise. I thought… Minerva told me that you wanted me to spend the night here, with you, so I-”

“Wait. How long have you been sitting on that chair, creeping on me?” she questioned, teasingly.

Severus must have missed the ‘teasing’ part, as he shamefully replied “Erm- five hours, probably. I didn’t mean to be creepy, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. When I came back you were already asleep. I thought you wouldn’t mind me staying here”.

_I don’t deserve him…_ Hermione smiled, overwhelmed by his genuine caring, before scowling “But the night is over Severus! Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to see you, but shouldn’t you be teaching the seventh-year students right now?

The Potions Master shrugged. “I’m sure Minerva is covering for me. What is important right now is _you_ ”.

_Flattered_ , she beamed internally. “But that’s… That’s wrong Severus! Despite the respect I have for Professor McGonagall, you and I both know where her Potion skills stop,” this made him chuckle lightly because he knew _–_ oh too damn well – how bad Minerva was on this subject, “-I mean, last year she almost knocked us out, by mixing acetone and chloromethane in class!” The wizard started laughing, loud; a belly laugh Hermione hadn’t expected but she was too worked up to appreciate it. “Chloroform, Severus! Without knowing it, she literally sprayed gallons of chloroform on the floor persuaded that it would stop cockroaches from entering the classroom. Well, to her credit, she can be assured that no insect will dare show up anytime soon!” Hermione shook her head in genuine exasperation, which only made Severus laugh harder. This time, Hermione took the time to savour the moment, by simply looking at him lovingly. When he managed to stop laughing, Hermione sobered up too. “I mean it Severus. You can’t let your students down. They need you now… more than I need you. You are the only Potions teacher worthy of the name and their best chance to nail their N.E.W.T. at the end of the year”.

“I’m not comfortable leaving you alone, yet”.

She frowned, not understanding his statement. “I won’t be alone. I’ll be in class”. She checked the time again and her eyes widened in horror when she read 10:11. “Shit! I’m so screwed” she lamented.

“Language!” he snapped.

Hermione looked at his death stare and understood that he wasn’t referring to ‘shit’ but to the verb she had used. She winced at her bad choice of word. Because, _yeah_ , she figured… She had been, indeed, literally screwed the night before. “A bit too fresh, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I didn’t mean to,” he finger-quoted the following word, “- _screw_ you either for that matter. I hope you know that”.

“I know” she smiled at him, but he refused to look at her. “Anyway. Do you think you could maybe make up an absence note for me, explaining why I’m late to my Arithmancy lesson?” she asked tentatively.

“You are not going,” he paused long enough for the words to sink in and when he saw the troubled expression on her face he continued, “-but sure, I will excuse you for the day and write down an absence note” he let her know.

“For the whole day?!” she exclaimed. “No! Why?”

“Hermione, you need to rest”.

“I just woke up! I’ve slept more than five hours” she countered.

He sighed. “Not enough for my liking. You’ve been through a lot. _I have_ put you through a lot. I think it would be best if we both took the day off”.

“But what am I going to do?” she asked, lost.

“Rest. I just told you.”

“Do you realise that as my teacher you are not supposed to encourage me skipping class? I can’t afford getting behind on the syllabus, I-”

Severus rolled his eyes. “And do you realise how ridiculous your statement is Miss Granger? You are, at least, three years beyond the syllabus! Missing one day won’t kill you…” She gave him a challenging look that clearly meant ‘ _I’m not so sure about that_ ’ but he ignored it. “And I’m not speaking as your teacher anyway!” he retorted.

“No?” she asked perplexed. ‘ _Could have fooled me,_ she snorted internally, because the tone he was using right now was known as the _Angry Professor Snape’s Special –_ APSS for short.

“No!” he snapped back. “I’m speaking as the man who _needs_ you-” he paused, thinking of his phrasing. He was going to say that he needed her to be safe and healthy but before he could finish his sentence, Hermione cut him off.

“Okay”. Severus frowned at her. She was now approaching him, smiling from ear to ear and he wasn’t sure he understood why.

“Ok?”

She nodded and put her hands on his shoulders, caressing his arms all the way down to his wrists. “You need me. I’m not going anywhere”.

_Oh, well..._ Now that he was thinking about it, he did need her; maybe more than she needed rest. Before initiating something that could revive bad memories, he asked her “Can I- I mean… Is that alright if I hold you, please?”

The fact that he felt the need to ask for permission before touching her made her want to cry. “Of course, you can silly! You don’t have to ask. I’m yours,” she told him, looking him in the eyes. They were dark and teary, and she knew that he was still blaming himself for something he had no control over. She waited for him to circle his arms around her waist, protectively and added “don’t ever feel scared to touch me, Severus. I love it. All of it. I trust you and more importantly, I love _you_.”

Honestly at that point he didn’t know what to think. He was torn between kicking himself, and blaming her for being too kind, and loving, and fucking perfect. But when she tilted her head and tiptoed, he shut down the inner debate in his mind and went with his heart, placing a tender kiss on her lips. “And I you”.

Hermione sighed happily and went back to sit on the bed. “So, what exactly does ‘resting’ consist of?” she asked, with a devilish grin.

_Hell, how am I supposed to know how to rest?_ Until today, the word ‘rest’ had never been part of the double-spy’s vocabulary. “First, breakfast in bed. I suppose…” he answered nervously.

“Fantastic!” Hermione beamed. “And then what?”

“Then you sleep” he replied, deadpan. But when he saw her pout, he cleared his throat and added “Or take a warm bath with essential oils. I don’t know! Whatever doesn’t require you to worry or demand effort on your part”.

“I can think of a few things…” she winked at him, shamelessly, biting her bottom lip teasingly.

Severus quirked up a suspicious eyebrow. _Is she provoking me? Damn girl, you’ll be the death of me._ He decided to ignore her comment and turned his back to her, ready to summon an elf. But then he remembered who he was with. _If I summon an elf, she will start lecturing me about elves’ rights. It will upset her. I won’t hear the end of it._ So, instead of fetching an elf to bring them breakfast, he went to the small kitchenette he had set up in his quarters and fixed some scrambled eggs and French toast, with proper pumpkin juice, tea for her and black coffee for him.

Three pieces of toast later, Hermione was full. “I swear to Merlin, you’d make Molly Weasley proud with this breakfast!” Severus who had regained his chair smiled slightly, blowing over his cup to cool the black liquid.

They both remained silent for a moment before Hermione spoke again “Can I ask you something?”

He thought he knew where this conversation was heading. And no matter how uncomfortable he was, it was a discussion they needed to have. So, before she could elaborate on her question, he blurted out “I didn’t come because I didn’t want to take advantage of you. I wasn’t going to allow myself pleasure. Not in those circumstances, not with them around us. I could not. But you didn’t do anything wrong. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. I don’t want you to doubt for a second, that you weren’t perfect or that I didn’t find you _enough,_ ” he leaned forward to caress her jaw with his thumb and furtively eyed her up and down, subconsciously licking his lips in the process, “- You are more than I’ve ever hoped for”. He felt his pants tighten and shook his head. “Hell, I’m getting hard just at the sight of you wearing my shirt” he admitted.

This whole tirade took her off guard. “Erm... Wow! Alright” she babbled, flushed. “That’s not what I wanted to ask but thanks for letting me know anyway”. She couldn’t help but glance at the bulge in his pants.

Severus shifted uncomfortably, trying to adjust his legs so she would look up. “What did you want to ask me?”

Hermione had zoned out for a moment, but his voice brought her back to reality. “Oh! Erm… Yes, I meant to ask you, what’s a fluffer?”

The question had been asked so forwardly that Severus spat his coffee and choked. “Excuse me?”

“A fluffer. What is it?” she repeated, sternly.

The look on his face was priceless. “Wha- Where did you?” he frowned “You read more fanfictions, didn’t you?” he glowered.

Hermione gave him a clueless look. “What? No! Last night, Professor McGonagall told me not to reduce myself to being a ‘fluffer’ but I’m not sure what that means, that’s all”.

“She said what?!” he squealed, flabbergasted. “What is wrong with her?!”

“So, what is it? I know the Oxford dictionary by heart, and I’m pretty sure “fluffer” wasn’t in it. So, is it a magical term? Or I don’t know someone who stuffs animals, maybe?” she suggested.

“Stop right there…” he advised her, his voice dropping a range lower than usual.

“I know that in the Muggle world there are those toys,” when Severus heard the word ‘toy’ he thought he was going to faint, but she clarified “-for cats, you know? They are called fluffer. And I know that Professor McGonagall loves cats so maybe there’s an analogy that I’m not getting or…” she trailed off. When she saw that Severus was not decided to tell her, she urged him “Are you going to tell me or not?”

“NO!” he snapped, scandalized. “Could you just drop it, please?” he begged, but he knew already he wasn’t going to get away with it that easily.

“Oh, I get it, there’s a sexual connotation. Isn’t there?”

“Why don’t you go ask Minerva while I go shave?” The tall wizard was done with this conversation. He stood up, trying to ignore the hump in his boxers and made a bee line to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Hermione, who refused to get no for an answer, shouted “I’m going to find out Severus! One way or another, I will find out!” she nagged, loud enough for Severus to hear her from the other side of the door.

Fifteen minutes later, when Severus came out of the bathroom, shaved and relieved, his quarters were empty.

_Of course, she left..._ the man huffed. He knew better than anyone that when Hermione Granger had something in mind, nothing or no one could stop her. Especially when her boundless curiosity was involved. Miss ‘know-it-all’ didn’t know it all apparently, and he knew that this irony bothered her more than anything. _Perhaps even more than the previous night_ , he humoured although his heart wasn’t laughing.

Sighing, he put his frock coat on and went in search of Hermione. He was determined to bring her back to bed. She needed to rest, after all.

\---

On his way to the library - where he thought he would find Hermione - Severus heard the class bell ring, meaning that Minerva was done with his seventh-year students. He remembered the earlier discussion he had with Hermione and thought it wouldn’t hurt to check on his classroom, hoping that there would still be a classroom and that her colleague wouldn’t have blown it up.

“By some miracle I see you haven’t demolished my classroom…” Severus offered as a greeting.

The elder teacher scoffed. “Hello to you too, sunshine!” Pushing his buttons was fair game, after the ‘fire incident’ he caused in her bedroom the previous night. All Minerva heard from him was a snooty grunt. “And you will also note that all the students are still alive and kicking” she praised.

“Unfortunately,” the snobbish Potions Master deplored, and Minerva couldn’t help but chuckle at his disdain.

“How is Hermione? Is she still in your quarters?”

“She would be if you hadn’t sent her on a lexical quest!” he snapped.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t seen her since last night”.

“Fluffer” Severus muttered under his breath.

Minerva didn’t catch that “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“FLUFFER, you deaf haddock!” the wizard yelled, irritated. He was clearly losing patience.

“EXCUSE ME?!” she said outraged.

“Apparently, you are familiar with the term since you told Hermione about it. Bad news is, she didn’t know what it is and kept asking me this morning!” Once her shock dissipated, Minerva started laughing, picturing how embarrassed her sombre colleague might have felt. “Oh, I’m glad you find it funny because I REALLY DON’T! What crossed your mind when you told her that? Seriously!”

In between chuckles, Minerva said “Seriously?”

Severus frown, fearing her answer. “You know what? I don’t even want to know!” He raised his hands in resignation, not sure he could bear living with a sexual anecdote involving his co-worker.

“So, what did you tell her?”

“Nothing! I told her to go see you. Since you were too _kind_ to teach her this word you might as well explain it to her!”

The way he snapped dramatically, as if it were the biggest deal in the world, made her double up with laughter. “You are way too **serious** , my dear”.

“You called me?” a familiar voice appeared from the entrance of the classroom. Both Minerva and Severus turned to look at the intruder.

“Sirius!” Minerva exclaimed, surprised.

“What the hell are you doing here?” the spy flared.

“My, my Severus. Is that how you greet old friends?”

“Old? Yes, I’ll give you that but ‘friends’?... You might want to get lost before I _Avada_ you!” he threatened.

Minerva rolled her eyes at their old ongoing bickering and before they did something foolish, she interfered. “What are doing here, Sirius?”

“I’m here for Hermione,” Padfoot admitted. It took Severus a divine amount of willpower not to charge at the man. “Why on Earth would she send me an owl asking me what a fluffer is?!” Sirius asked, concerned.

No matter how much he hated the idea of Hermione reaching out to his worst enemy, Severus couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Why are you laughing?” Black frowned.

“I find it hilarious that she naturally turned to you to ask this specific question,” Snape explained. This remark made Minerva chuckled too.

“Come on! Why does everyone think I’m a wanker?!”

“Oh please,” Minerva snorted, “-When I caught you in front of the Mirror of Erised during your first year, the first thing that appeared was a naked Kate Bush!” Severus wasn’t even surprised by this revelation but cackled nonetheless. “And Merlin knows how many women were caught leaving your dormitory.”

“A dog and his bitches…” Severus commented.

“Severus!” Minerva reprimanded.

“I’m just stating facts here. He even flirted with his best friend’s girlfriend!” There was definitely rage beneath this statement, as he was referring to James and Lily.

“So, did you! And between you and I, we both know who Lily would have chosen”.

This time, Severus didn’t even try to remain calm and jumped at Sirius, strangling him. “Don’t. You. Ever. Say. Her. Name! Ever!”

“Enough!” Minerva scowled. “Stop it, or I will make sure that no fluffer – even the best – could get you aroused ever again”. With that, she stormed out of the classroom.

They both stopped fighting abruptly, trying to process her words.

Then, Sirius turned to Severus. “Did she just threatened to cut off our willies?” The Slytherin nodded slightly. “When did she get this sassy?” Black asked, astonished.

“You mean pissy?”

“Yeah, that…”

“No clue”.

“She must be sexually frustrated?” Sirius pondered.

In that moment, Severus remembered how much he despised Snuffles. “Why don’t you go ahead and satisfy her, then?”

“Ha.Ha.Ha. Did you eat a clown, Snivellus?”

Before he got a chance to paint the tidy classroom in red with Sirius’ blood, Severus was interrupted. “Potter and his genius sidekick, Mister Weasley. What a wonderful sight!” he said sarcastically. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the Great Hall for lunch?”

Harry didn’t dignify him with an answer, too busy jumping into his Godfather’s arms but Ron did eventually. “I stuffed food in my Tupperware”.

“Of course you did…” Severus grimaced in abjection.

Unable to support the sight of Harry and Sirius hugging any longer, Severus left. He needed to find Hermione before she found Black, determined to keep her uncorrupted by Padfoot’s debauchery.


End file.
